Woof!

It's amusing- pathetic, yes, but still amusing- how much of a charge my inner Martial Artist gets from just a little individual attention from a teacher. I feel like a dog that's been tied in the backyard for a year, tossed a bowl of kibble every Tuesday and Thursday evening, but otherwise offered no attention or stimulation. Yesterday someone walked by and petted me and told me I was a Good Girl- and now I'm all big-eyed and wiggly and excited.

I wonder how things would be if I could only get a taste of that on a consistant, regular basis.

Combos

129.0

Saturday Conditioning Boot Camp aborted in favor of a "one-on-one" with CN. I more than half expected this to be a setup for CN to call me on the carpet for skulking away like a kicked hyena whenever DD darkens the door... A discussion that I was dreading. Happily, he didn't have a peep to say in that direction. My other suspicion- the one about the remedial sparring help- was a winner. But that's a good thing. A GREAT thing, actually. It was awesome to get an entire hour (well, 40 min... he still made me do 20 min of conditioning drills first) of CN's undivided attention, focussed on things that he thinks might help my specific IMPROVEMENT OPPORTUNITY AREAS in sparring.

He had a few specific new drills regarding balance, targeting, moving around, and other points relating to what he had in mind for me: which was short combinations.

Kicks: Inside crescent into side thrust. Shovel into roundhouse. Things to work on include getting the balance up to par on my retarded side, keeping the energy flowing into the second kick, rechamber the first kick fully, remembering to guard the groin, and in particular remembering to keep my guard up around my head.

One-two head-level punch, duck under, lunge and punch to ribs with inside arm. Things to work on include retracting each fist after the jabs, keeping the guard up (again), NOT bending at the waist with the duck-under, Duck under in the correct direction (toward the arm that the opponent is punching with), have the range so that you are close to but not at full extention, target the rib punch more precisely, (rib-punch with the correct arm (inside arm), and have the power for the rib punch driving all the way up through the back foot.

A lot of improvement points for two- and three-step combos! CN wants me to work these on my heavy bag.

He mentioned that he had noticed me quailing and recoiling to some degree at kicking attacks- and he thinks that once I'm confident with these kick combos, I won't be so trepidacious about what's going on below the waist. He also mentioned the leaning forward at the waist. I'm pleased that many of the things he brought up were the same ones I had pinpointed for myself when I was talking this over with SK on Wednesday. At least I have a decent idea of what is going on and where the issues are.

I so wish we could do something like this regularly. I am starved for some individual and specific attention. Unfortunately, when I used this opportunity to quiz him about his college program, I found out he's going to be schooling for the next EIGHT years. Dismay.

We didn't have a whole lot of time to talk on the drive home, but I did make sure to 1)thank him repeatedly for his time and attention, and 2)express how relieved I have been to see some sparring making its way into the recent classes, and that I would like it to continue. I also reiterated that all three of us women are scared to spar with Nemesis, leery of sparring with JoE, and in addition JM and JB are anxious about sparring with SK.


Oh, and during the conditioning drills- when CN told me to do ten iron buffalos, I told him I could only do about two of those with the back-up curl included. Turns out I was able to do eight. (Well, I did ten, but the last two were pretty crappy, so I'm not counting them.) That was nifty.


Over the next few days, I need to work on my assigned essay (I twiddled with that a little bit at work today), keep working the combos, and I also need to have a form in mind to address in case DD really does show up on Tuesday and pulls me out in the hall. I don't want to whip out my best form, because if I slaughter it in my nervousness, that would be quite demoralizing. Also, I don't want to feel like I'm on an audition or something. Nor my worst form, to make a poor impression. And I can't really pull out any form that CC has tinkered with, either- for politically sensitive reasons. Damn. Maybe he won't be there after all.

"This isn't a jerk move... really..."

129.5

Tried on the "medium" rabbit-ear tie-front yoga pants again yesterday. They look good, and are looser; not QUITE loose enough to feel comfy doing MA in. Another 2lb oughtta do it.

The small local tournament on Oct 2 in the new school site- the women's "feather" weight class cuts off at 129 (with gi). I don't think I will make that (comfortably) by Oct 2. The next up bracket goes up to 140- oof! It would be good to get a
little experience with this "Revolution Foreplay" tournament, but I'm not thrilled at the idea of going in at the very bottom end of the up-to-140 group. I'll have to see how I feel (and what I weigh) by the end of the month.

Friday morning BJJ in Seattle. I was still feeling pretty tired this morning, and it was tempting to skip a second lunchtime session in a row. But since I know I'm working this weekend and will miss Saturday BJJ, I got myself dressed and in the car.

No drills, sparring only. We got matched up for short timed spars, for pretty much then entire class time. There were enough of us that we had to take turns on the mat- so you'd fight one, sit one out, etc. There were 4 black belts on the mat, a
brown, 4 or 5 purples... every time I see this sort of thing, I am reminded how fortunate I am to be at a school like this.

Sabrina was there- haven't seen her in a while, and it's unusual for there to be any other women at the weekday lunchtime classes (especially in Seattle). I did two rounds with her. She, like Allie, has improved quite a bit. I could control her,
so I went slowly and let her work. If she did a technique adequately, I let her have it. I tapped her a few times, and let her tap me with a keylock (after suggesting that she pull it further down to my hip before lifting the elbow up). I complimented
her warmly at the end.

Two rounds with Marc. I dominated him positionally for the first round. He did better the second round- trapped me in his closed guard a few times (from which I was having a hard time escaping... note- try to stay out of Marc's closed guard in the future), and got me in a triangle- it seemed like a good triangle, but he couldn't quite finish me off for some reason. I got an approving, "Good, Keetsune!" from Prof. Carlos when he saw me KOB'ing Marc. (yay!)

Amusing interlude: Shawn was keeping time, and standing in the middle of the mat watching Prof Carlos pin Jim helplessly in some kind of excrutiating-looking crucifix-type thing. Shawn said wryly to Jim, "You've got him right where you want him!" and Jim (red-faced and straining) squeaked out, "ME????" and everyone, even the other people rolling, started cracking up.

I notice that in live rolling, I have been making much use of one of last week's techniques: Turning and sitting out to replace the guard from turtle. This is a move that my tiny, compactly-squeezable body is made to do. I've even been trying
for that cool sweep a few times. People jerk their leg out of my grasp before I can actually do it- but it's progress that I remember to try for it. I need to try it on somebody who wasn't in class last week!!

When open mat came, I had to sit for a bit to recover- but then Bryan asked me to roll, which is something to jump at, always. We closed down the mat, everyone else eventually left and Rodrigo came up to kick us out. I was getting frustrated
because I was always hunched up on the bottom, defending, and every time I tried to do something, Bryan exclaimed, "Don't do THAT!" and then proceeded to painfully demonstrate exactly why I should not do that. But he wasn't being much help today
telling me what I *SHOULD* be doing instead... other than waiting for an opening/opportunity (of which he was offering me none!)

He worked with me for some time on armbars- keeping tighter on the shoulder, sitting harder down onto the shoulder, keeping the leg tight in behind the shoulder blades, squatting right down on the head, just TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT, was the overriding theme. Then grabbing my own gi and pulling his arm down towards his own feet to straighten it out before doing the armbar. I felt like I needed to have his lower arm and wrist glued right up against my chest before falling back, but he was saying
that as long as my crotch is snugged tight up into his shoulder, I don't need to fret so much about that part. He also reprimanded me for giving up and letting go of subs that didn't seem to be working... he wants me to persevere longer.

Once again, my performance began to downslide severely as I got more exhausted. I always feel embarrassed after I've been rolling with Bryan for a while and I get so much slower and weaker and less effective.



Later..................


Very tired and sore. Neck, right shoulder, ribs. My entire body from head to toe is so spotted with bruises that I look like a leopard. I'm probably not going to be bouncing out of bed in a very lively manner tomorrow morning when I get up early for work. And Gods only know what fiendish plans CN has for me tomorrow evening. Whatever it is, it's probably going to hurt too. (SK claims to not know what CN has in mind for Saturday- I asked.)


Friday evening no-gi at Cindy's. I had the whole crew with me, which was cool.

Escape side control to the knees, then to taking the back. Alternately, side control escape to knees, then drive through to get side control on the opponent. I drilled with Ian, whom I always enjoy working with. We were doing the drills fast enough to keep switching and get a number of extra reps in while everyone else was finishing.

Cindy was explaining certain pain-causing details and saying, "This isn't a jerk move... all he has to do to make it stop hurting is move his head where you are trying to make it go.... if he doesn't move his head, and it hurts, that's his own fault... he's doing it to himself! You're not being a jerk or anything!!" We were all chuckling. She is such a hoot. I'm so lucky to have her for a teacher.

Timed spars. I got Ian first. Fun, competitive rolling, no taps for either. Then I got some guy that I think I've rolled with once before, but I don't really know him yet and don't know his name. He was a little harder, but I still did reasonably okay against him. I don't think either of us got a tap, but I had a kimura on that I might have been able to finish if the clock hadn't run out just then. Then I got Cindy. Ack! She was playing catch-and-release. I tried a bunch of subs but she didn't let me have any. She did let me have a few escapes and top positions, so I must have been doing some of those right. One of the most frustrating things about rolling with Cindy is that every time you set up a joint lock on her, she somehow turns the position back into a joint lock on YOU.

Cindy told me to make sure I had a good position before trying to do a sub. Sigh.

JB had left partway through the sparring, and by the time Cindy was done thrashing me, JM and SK were putting their shoes on. I asked them if either wanted to do one more, and JM took me up on it. That was fun. I tried a lot of subs, including some of the stuff that Bryan had worked on with me this morning- but her defense was very good and I couldn't get anything. I had an armbar on once that I was pretty sure was nice and tight... I thought I had it in the bag, but as I fell back, she somehow rolled up and stacked me. It was impressive (as I told her, although I could hardly breathe let alone speak.... I almost had to tap to the stack, it was a really good stack). She was on the bottom most of the roll, though. I did get front mount and beep her nose once. I had to tap once because she was pressing my contact out of my eye... but then we restarted. No other taps for either. Time was called and I whispered, "keep going, keep going!" I forgot all about the line-up and bow-out, so we got reprimanded for not getting in line!

I made a point of giving her lots of positive feedback in the car.

We did a quick drive-by to see where the new site of the Seattle Gracie school is going to be. Well, it would have been a quick drive-by if we'd been able to find it as easily as my Google Map seemed to indicate. We wandered around for a while in the warehouse district. Me: "There's a photo of the building on the second page." SK: "It's a warehouse." (pause as we all look around at the dozens of warehouses surrounding us) Me: "Well, that narrows it down, doesn't it?!"

We did finally find it. It has two "drive in" size doors which I hope will be openable in the hot weather. There are a lot of trucks parked back there, and I don't know if many- or any- of those will be clearing out when we move in... but if some of them do, the parking situation looks okay.

"Sometimes the a-holes _are_ your friends."

129.5

We have cracked the 120's! Huzzah!

I have been a little worried that my body has seemed reluctant to want to leave the 132-ish vicinity... I've been yo-yoing around that for a little while now. But I have also been a little bit ill this week, and I also took last Friday and Sunday totally off training- which is unusual. I can still make my goal even if I slow down to losing one pound every two weeks instead of one pound per week. I just don't want to get STUCK!

SK weighed himself before and after our class yesterday, and he lost three pounds of sweat in one class! That's a little annoying; if he ever needed to make weight, he could probably just do one class or spend a while in the sauna and make it happen. Not that he needs to lose anything; he seems to be solid muscle.


I skipped Thursday lunchtime class. I didn't want to, but I just had to pay back some sleep debt. I only got 4-ish hours of sleep per day for the previous three, and I was about at the limit of how long I could keep that up.

Thursday night kung fu. Back indoors starting tonight. I forgot how hot it is in the classroom- whew!

Started with some hand strike drills, against pads- I like it when we get the pads out for that. Although JM and I both scraped our knuckles raw doing Southern Mantis triple-strikes.

Then SK asked what we were feeling most deficient around, regarding the little bit of sparring-type stuff we've been doing lately. JB said "Defending against kicks". I'm good with that... I'm still catching myself sometimes reflexively trying to stop a kick with my hands in an unapproved manner (and worse, leaning over at the waist to do it).

So we paired up and kicked each other- front thrust kick and then roundhouse kick only tonight. I kicked (and was kicked by) JB. After each session, SK asked us to share what seemed to be working for us as well as anything that didn't. Roundhouse- my favorite way to deal with those (tonight, anyway) was to just get inside and focus on my own attack, and then I don't have to try to figure out the "correct" response, because the kick doesn't matter any more. Front thrust- that one's a little harder. What I seemed to be most comfortable with there tonight was a Black Crane one-legged shielding pose (touch your elbow to your raised knee and make sort of a wall). Although it meant eating some of the force of the kick, I felt like I could do it quickly without thinking too hard, and then it was easy to drop that leg into a lunge and bulldoze into an immediate close-up counter. Sometimes if the positioning is right, you can get "bonus violence" in the form of a Black Crane dropping-elbow onto the opponent's leg or foot. Man, do those ever hurt.

Amusing interlude when someone mentioned tickling as a defense, and JB volunteered that tickling is technically legal in jiu jitsu. She then qualified that with, "Well, only if they're assholes..... or if they're your friends...." (thoughtful pause) "...and sometimes the assholes *ARE* your friends." Profound. Love it.

DD walked in while we were working on that stuff- twice in one week, surprise! Since we had an odd number of people tonight and thus a leftover student when we paired up for these kick defenses, DD started taking people out into the hall one by one. I placed myself at the end of the line; figured there would be too many of us to get through anyway.

Individual forms time. One good thing about being back indoors now, there are empty classrooms and I can drag a teacher into one of those to give me individual forms help in private. Neither of the teachers was available to help me tonight, though- and JoE was with DD, so I couldn't get him to work on Southern Mantis with me. So I found a distant hallway to hide in and went through some "mirror" forms. So much dust on them from neglect. Five Animals In the Mirror was okay, since I did that one on Tuesday. I got Little Red Dragon In the Mirror out after a couple of minor bobbles. Both of those forms, for the most part, feel almost as natural on the mirror side as on the regular side. That's cool- that's where I really want to get with all of them. Leopard Three In the Mirror was so poor that I had to do the form a few times the normal way first, and then redo the mirror form several times. It did come back, though. The first part of Bung Bo Kuen In the Mirror felt almost as natural as normal Bung Bo- but I still have only worked the mirror version of that form to about the 1/3 point. Then I tried Five Points Of the Star In the Mirror, and it really started falling apart. I am going to have to go back and put in some serious grind on that one. I was running out of time, though, so I wanted to whip through Leopard Fist In the Mirror. Many hesitant parts in that, and the final 1/3 was a disaster. I hope I can find some time soon to work on these- I know I can knock them back into shape, but I shouldn't let them languish long enough to unravel more than they already have.

As we were packing up, DD asked me if I was going to be in class next Tuesday, and said he'd give me some one-on-one "hallway time" then since we didn't get to it today. Whatever- if we must. Sigh. He's like the absentee dad who never calls and isn't even exactly sure what grade you're in- but he'll pop up a few times a year to take you out for ice cream and buy you an expensive new video game, and expect everything to be all buddy-buddy. I might go along with it and take his video game, if I have nothing better to do that day.... or eventually I just get to the point that I feel we are so distant, the video game is not worth having to waste my afternoon making awkward conversation with this stranger, and perpetrating a mutual facade that we are interested in each other's lives.

Every time CK visits, she guilts DD about neglecting me. Immediately after her visits, DD makes some lame token effort to communicate with me and act like he might be thinking about teaching me something or other.... and then he goes back to ignoring me for another eight or nine months till the next time CK visits. It is so predictable- and after several repeats of this pattern, it is positively pissing me off. I no longer rise to this bait. Just forget it; I would be relieved to just donate my obligatory ten minutes of "hallway time" to somebody who still gives a crap.

So I had barely extricated myself from that awkward
exchange when CN appears and asks if I would be up for some one-on-one time on Saturday. What's going on, did I accidentally grab the aphrodesiac deodorant this morning instead of the regular stuff? But okay, YOUR video game is still worth it to me so far. But what about Conditioning Boot Camp? Instead, he says. But I don't want to take away that time from the other people. He shrugged my concern off. Okay, whatever. What does he want? CK may well have given him a dose of the guilt, too, while she was spreading it around. I hope we're not going to have some kind of painful and awkward long Talk. Of course Insecurity Beastie piped up to suggest that since we've been doing a little sparring lately, CN has noticed with horror that my sparring is so epically pathetic that he feels he must give me some
emergency remedial help. I wonder if I can get SK alone for a few moments tomorrow and fish for clues.

What was your name again? and sparring post-mortem discussions with SK

Wednesday evening BJJ. SK and I drove into Seattle, since JB was coming. I was very happy to have both of them (we missed JM, who had a previous commitment), and happy to get to a Rodrigo class. It's been a while.

Since SK didn't get off work till 5, we couldn't make it into the city in time for Rene's takedown class, but JB did- so good for her.



SK and and I got to talk in the car about the sparring yesterday, our impressions and observations. These types of discussions are really interesting and valuable to me, and we hardly ever have them any more these days, since we almost never get any one-on-one time... so that was really good.

He asked me what I was trying to accomplish with all the low kicks. I told him that at full speed and power, I might collapse the knee or compromise his balance- but that they are probably best as a distracting setup for a more violent follow-up move (I hadn't been getting that far last night). I told him that if I thought I could get something better in, I would- but those seem to be what I can make work at the moment. He thinks I should try to close more and do "corner-turn" type footwork right up against the opponent. Intimidating... should probably at least give it a try, though. If my stances and rooting are really as good as he seems to think they are, maybe I am being too paranoid about being knocked down at close range.

SK wanted to hear any observations I had to share about our classmates' sparring. I confessed that I had mostly been watching HIM because I knew I would have to fight him again, and I was looking for patterns and weak spots to exploit!

He had noticed the difference in Nemesis, but commented that Nemesis had not been making use of his long arms to keep distance effectively, as he usually does. He said that the general effectiveness of Nemesis' sparring went way down. Hmm. The objective of CK's working with him was not to DEGRADE his sparring performance.... hopefully he will be able to integrate things successfully with some more practice.

SK laughed when I commented that I'd noticed JaE chasing his Snake strikes around. We both agreed that JaE presents an intimidating sparring partner- at first we both thought that was because he is big and strong, but we decided that it's really because JaE gives off an aura of authority that makes you want to defer to him- often without even realizing it. SK said that he had actually found JaE easier to spar than he'd expected... he specifically mentioned compromising JaE's balance, and how well that sort of thing had been working against JaE as opposed to how it had *not* been working against me. (Whee!)

I also requested that SK give us a tidbit or two of "improvement opportunities" for each warmup form.



The takedown class ran a bit over (I had to smile when I saw Rene being all teacher-ish while wearing a t-shirt that read "Rancid"), and it was unusually warm upstairs, and Rodrigo was in one of his "driving" moods.... so it was a moderately grueling class. Standing rear choke defense to armlock, then two methods of taking the back from guard (one of which also had a sweep variation and an armlock variation that you could elect to do instead of taking the back). They were a bit complex, so there was a certain amount of beginning to drill, then being inturrupted and sent back to the wall to watch more demonstrations.

I drilled with JB, and SK got Sonia. I felt bad for him since the very first drill involved armlocks- Sonia is double-jointed and almost impossible to lock. But at least she's not a spazzy white belt!

JB bailed after drills, unfortunately- I had really wanted to do some free sparring with both her and SK, and some king-of-the-mat. But I was happy that she had come at all. (She claims she is going to be in class tomorrow and Friday- we'll see!)

Short rolls for position only, no subs. First I got Allie. I handed her some openings, but she was doing really well. I haven't seen her in a few weeks, and she has improved markedly. I told her so, and she seemed very surprised.

Then Sonia and I did a roll, and then I got Peter, who was really nice and let me work some stuff. He's always good to work with. He started going for that "old school" half-guard sweep that he taught me and JB and JM several weeks ago- and as soon as he grabbed my foot, I yelped, "Oh no, no, no, no!" and he started laughing.

Then we were cut loose. By then I was pretty tired (heck, I was tired when we STARTED!!!) but I really wanted to roll a little with SK. Again on the bottom a lot, but defending fairly well... including an armbar escape that left him scratching his head in confusion as to how I'd gotten out of that one.... as I was patting myself on that back for that, he segued into a keylock and tapped me out with that instead. Rats. We were both quite wrung out (and everyone else had already left), but I suggested one more... "Come on- we're not done till we have to crawl down the stairs!" I want to push him and try to work him up to staying for open mat more often. A little later, I was just about to get a chicken-wing armbar on him when he rolled over and gasped, "Okay, I'm about ready to throw up." I said, "I'm glad you said it first," because I was getting there as well. When you're both ready to puke, it's about time to wrap it up. But it was really nice to do a little rolling with him, as it has been a while.

I informed Rodrigo that he was still calling JB by JM's name and vice versa. JB is too shy to correct him, but I know he wants to get everybody's name right. It would be embarrassing twelve years from now when he's tying JB's black belt on her and congratulating her by JM's name! He had also called me Allie once tonight, which was new- I *know* he knows *my* name, even if he still can't pronounce the short "i"! He does try really hard with the names, and normally does impressively well- and there are a lot of people, and vast ever-changing herds of white belts coming and going constantly. He's having a rough month. He said, "What's MY name?" I acted like I was thinking hard, and answered, "Carlos!" Then he said that a couple of guys had called him that this week. Another student commented, "Well, you look alike." and we all cracked up.... On-the-shorter-side white middle-aged guy and towering, young very-dark-skinned black guy! They could hardly look more different from each other! Then Rodrigo suggested that he start calling me Bree. I told him that he could call me Angela if he wanted- because then I'd get to be a purple belt! Now the next few times I see him, I'll have to call him some different names just to tease.

Several people today have asked me about the bruises on my face. Leah had kicked me in the face last Thursday in Cindy's class, and it's ben sore all week, but I didn't see any visible marks till yesterday. I guess all of Hostility Boy's grinding at my face for chokes and stiff-arming my face into the mat and such on Monday night further damaged the tissue injury in that area and left me bruised up. What a prince.

There were eight women in class tonight, including 3 colored belts. Wow.

Sparring

Tuesday kung fu. Still feeling rather down about what happened last night at Gracie's. We got into the classroom a bit early, and normally I would have wanted to use that opportunity to pull out a mat and pounce on one of my buddies- but I was just not in the mood to get tapped by any of them, and even less in the mood to have any of them HAND me a tap because they felt bad for me. Just didn't want to face it tonight.

We warmed up with some forms. I decided to be all complacent today about it and do everything tai chi speed, so that I was *sort of* "staying in sync" with the slower people.

Then CN had us drag out some mats to spar! I was really surprised, especially after what happened on Saturday with SK and JM.... I assumed sparring would get back-burnered again. I wonder how much CK talked to CN about the sparring.

Anyway, CN had us come up one by one to do five minutes or so against SK. Instant pressure: everybody else is sitting there watching. Instant pressure relief: I only have to fight SK, whom I enjoy sparring and feel relatively safe sparring. I don't have to deal with Nemesis and my physical challenges around him; nor with JM and my personal issues around her; nor with general intimidation around both Nemesis and JoE. JaE was there too, and I have never sparred him before at all. He's big and strong. Not sure how that would go.

Anyway, CN was there to remind us frequently to not get too fast and hard, to make sure nothing dangerous happened, to offer the occasional bit of advice.

As soon as Nemesis started sparring, I could see CK's "fingerprints" all over him (her turn of phrase). It mostly went away as soon as he sped up a little, heh heh. But I could definitely see a shadow of the balance and weight "contact improv" type movement.

I watched JM with some anxiousness. It was apparent that she was intimidated, but she faced it. I made a point of telling her in the car on the way home that her sparring had looked good, which it did. She has excellent kicks, and her centered balance is awesome right up until she gives it away as a freebie gift to her opponent (which she did frequently) Once she grows out of that, though, her balance and centering is going to be one of her best strengths.

JoE seemed to still be having some problems with control, and with getting carried away with the hard and fast. He got one really, really lovely throw (eliciting admiring "Ooooooo"'s from the audience).

JaE, whom I don't think has gotten much chance to spar SK yet, has not yet learned to refrain from chasing and whacking ineffectually at the constant barrage of Snake strikes.

SK made it all look so easy. He looked very relaxed the whole time, and he never looked like he was breathing fast or trying hard. He did five-minute rounds with all five of us, back to back with no breaks. Twice. An inspiration to grow into.

As for my own first round, my number one goal was to stay calm and centered. Particularly since I was still stinging over last night, I wanted to make sure I did not allow myself to get angry and frustrated when I got whapped a few times- or when the barrage of Snake strikes just kept coming. I told myself to not get too antsy about closing and striking; to just play it cool and look for openings. This is not really my usual sparring MO, but I have had to fall into this a bit during all the recent sparring with CK.

Speaking of- SK's good, but he cannot yet compete on a level with CK's vast sparring experience insofar as openings go. Meaning- CK fights like an armored tank; she leaves you few to no openings to exploit... so the ones that SK was leaving appeared gaping and obvious by contrast. So I hung back and did mostly shin/knee kicks- landed lots of good solid ones. I was afraid to try for kicks at waist level, because I know SK's really good at snatching that leg before you can retract- and then you're hosed. I saw a few openings for belly strikes, but didn't land most of them because I wasn't in range (trying to stay out of reach of his long arms). Likewise with the head strikes- I saw some openings and tried for them, but wasn't in range. I did get one perfect sharp face whack, though- we both laughed, because that's HIS game, and it came off looking just like one of his, too- so that was funny.

I was pleased with how I'd been able to stay focussed on looking for openings, and then follow up and try to get in on them.

I was also pleased with my improved attempt-to-successful-hit ratio. I tried vastly fewer attacks, but a greater percentage of the ones I did try were solid. Less desperate randomly-aggressive flailing and hoping to get lucky. More DELIBERATE.

Near the final third or so of our spar, DD walked in- to my surprise and consternation. I immediately found myself much more distracted and much more self-conscious. It was bad enough with everybody else watching- but having DD there makes me so jittery. My second spar, with him there the whole time, I did much more poorly. It was mostly my lack of focus and lack of being able to relax, I'm fairly sure.

In the car on the way home, SK did give me more positive feedback on my stances... he said that he had tried to take me down or mess with my balance several times, and he knew that he was executing the techniques correctly and well, but I was just "sinking" and they were simply not working on me. Nice to hear. Even with as little standup as we do at Gracie's, the experience of resisting takedowns by all those big guys has made a difference.

Another thing- now that I have some BJJ, I'm not scared of being taken down. I always have an excellent sense of where I am and where my opponent is in space. I feel confident about executing maneuvers (including effective strikes) *while* falling, and once I hit the ground, there are more opportunities for strikes and holds from there- even if he's still on his feet. Falling or being taken down is no longer an "oh shit" moment or a failure; it's just another position to fight from just like any other.... and in fact one that I feel more comfortable and confident in than many!

So after the sparring, DD huddled with CN and SK and the rest of us were left mostly to our own devices to review staff/dao material. I worked the staff vs dao sequence a number of times with JM, and drilled solo on most of the dao and staff techniques that we've worked on this quarter. Did the Northern Mantis Bo form in slow-mo, focussing on good hand positions along the length of the staff. Eventually had had enough of that for one session, so I went out in the hall where nobody could watch and went through Five Animals In the Mirror a few times. I have let my work on my "Mirror" forms lapse. This one came back quickly, though, and felt solid.


Good sparring practice. Not too rough, and useful. Would like more of this.

This guy has serious issues.

I didn't cry. But tonight was as close as I've ever gotten to crying after BJJ class.

The first dumb thing (of many) that I did tonight was to get there too early and park at the opposite end of the business complex (where I thought I'd be left in peace) with a magazine. I parked with the butt end of the Jeep facing out- the end with the Gracie Barra bumper sticker on one side and the Sleeper Athletics bumper sticker on the other side. Professor Carlos cruised by on his way in and spied
me there. He made sure I knew that he had spotted me, and my bumper stickers too. Worse, he had Pat The Great Panda in the car with him, to explain to him that the blue "SA" sticker meant that I was advertising his commercial competition on the left half of my bumper while the Gracie Barra logo sat there bold as brass on the right half. Also, what Pat knows, Rodrigo knows. Well, I guess it's all to the good that my BJJ Bigamy will be a confirmed rumor instead of an unconfirmed rumor, and nobody will be surprised when tournament time rolls around.

Odd number of people tonight, so I got stuck in a trio. We did some line drills and some takedown preps and a few other random exercises, then on to timed spars. Starting from standup, which is unusual. That teenager (I remembered his name, it's Richie!) was there, and I was sighing inwardly with resignation thinking I was going to be dealing with his spazzy aggressiveness again tonight. Well, I didn't get Richie at all tonight, and next time I do, I think I'll be relieved.

First I got Steve. He's got at least a foot on me and twice my weight. Starting from standing, mind you. After we'd circled and pawed at each other a bit, he simply picked me up by the lapels, lifted me up, and dumped me on my back on the floor. He did that three more times. I could do nothing to prevent him. Once on the floor, I could no more prevent him from doing anything he wanted. He wasn't being a dick or anything- he was just being what he was: bigger and stronger than me. He simply placed me where he wanted me, and placed all my pieces where he wanted them- and if I tried to place them elsewhere, he simply moved them. I could do nothing about it. It was a very helpless, powerless, frustrating feeling. None of this is anything new, of course. I'm not sure why it was affecting me more tonight, but I was really frustrated by the time we finished. Steve did offer me some positive feedback at the end, but I was not in the mood to listen. I grumbled bitterly, "Well, I had to tap anyway- like I always have to."

Next I got Jim. A little shorter, but even heavier. He was letting me do a few things, but I still faired poorly. At the end, Jim also offered me some positive feedback- about how heavy I'd felt. I asked how the heck he could tell, when I was on the bottom all the time.

(What a grumpy bitch... I hereby vow that next time I'm seeing myself that frustrated, I will stop and take a breath, and remind myself to not take out my frustration by being a grouchy bitch to guys who are nice enough to 1) not smash me, and 2) actually go out of their way to give me positive feedback. And if I can't get a grip and be gracious, I'll take a break and step outside until I can. What am I, twelve? Grow up, Kitsune.)

My next assignment to face in this fabulous good humor was Hostility Boy. I have mentioned him before in this blog by name, but henceforth he shall be known as Hostility Boy unless and until he earns a better moniker for himself. This is the kindest of a vast host of colorful titles I have bestowed upon this particular gentleman in my mind tonight. He's a smallish guy, still bigger and heavier than me, very technical and fast. I've worked with him before, and he's mopped the mat with me... again, nothing new, so he didn't really stand out in my mind much.

Well, tonight he was out to not just beat me, but juice me- and then pee in the puddle that was left of me. I dunno if this guy hates women, or if he resents having three minutes of his precious mat time utterly wasted by being stuck with me, or what. But it quickly became apparent that this was not a game, or practice, or training, or anything like that- this was him on a mission to humiliate me.

He was going way too hard and fast- grinding on my face, yanking joint locks. Fairly early on, after he slammed a shoulder lock on really hard and fast, and after I tapped, I said (okay, gasped), "Put those locks on SLOWER." He didn't even acknowledge that I'd spoken to him. I thought, "Okay, Pal, if you do that again, we are going to have an earnest eye to eye discussion about it right here in the middle of the mat. And you will not ignore me, even if I have to pull out Herald Voice and have the whole gym stop and watch the drama." Well, he didn't slam a joint
lock on that fast again- but he was still going way too rough. I'd be damned if I was going to ask him to gentle up, though.

I spent almost the entirety of the time in turtle or back mounted. Maybe the guy was frustrated at spending the entire session breaking my turtle. Well, did he really think I was having fun with that either? I was only turtled because I couldn't do anything else- any time I ventured to try anything, I was immediately and viciously either choked or locked. So eventually this %#$@&^ started kneeling on my back and dancing around- like I said, spiteful humiliation behavior.

As long as I stayed in turtle or back mounted, I was actually defending adequately- in that he was having trouble tapping me out. I have some skill at defending chokes, and I can hold out for a long time before I have to tap to a choke evenif they have it on pretty good. I seem to be fairly good at withstanding both the pain and the oxygen deprivation of that particular situation. Lots of people have commented on it. I was torqued off at this guy enough by then that I didn't want to give him any more taps than I absolutely had to. I don't like myself when I do that... it's stupid, and pointless, and someday I'm going to sustain a bad injury being a stubborn idjit. But luckily for me, he was mostly going for chokes instead of joint locks in the second half of our grudge match. I think I had to give him one more tap because he bow-and-arrowed my spine at the same time- but I refused to tap to his chokes, no matter how hard he ground on my face.

It was a hollow "victory", though. He is bigger, heavier, faster, more technical, and he can smoke me at will. I can't hope to tap him. We both know it, everybody knows it. He doesn't have to PROVE it, and he certainly doesn't have to utterly degrade me to slam the point home. WTF??!?

I have never approved of the BJJ culture in which some guy goes too rough with you, so your bigger buddy in turn rolls with him and goes rough with HIM. I don't think having your big brother beat up your bully for you helps the underlying problem... I think it's more likely that your bully will just get even meaner and kick your ass harder the next time he catches you alone on the playground. But tonight, yeah- some small mean part of me wished I had someone there tonight with sufficient size/skillz
that I was close enough to to say, "Hey, Buddy, would you mind rolling with this turdhead and grinding his face a little, and then slam on a shoulder lock really fast and hard?" I would have enjoyed watching that. A little. I confess.

I left feeling worse than I have ever felt walking out of there. I know that this is just one of those low points, and I won't let it stop me. But geez I feel crappy right now.



The first half of the day was much better. I spent a few hours with CK and JB, relay sparring with the soft, weight-and-balance focussed work we did on her last visit. Then lunch, then a couple more hours with just CK and me. We went to a park she knew, with organic gardens and orchards all around it. It is a really, really cool place. I'd love to work there some more... not to mention wander around and poke at all the neat plants and trees.

So that training time with CK that JB and I agreed to sacrifice to Nemesis: CK worked with Nemesis for a few hours on Friday. Push-hands and light sparring, and I'm not sure what else. But she said that it had gone well. She wants us (or me, at least, if JB isn't up for it) to try a little of that with him on an ongoing basis. I wonder if it will go as well with a peer as it did with a teacher. I should try.