The Intermediate-level Sand Trap of Self Doubt

Changing the world has nothing to do with altruism or with trying to be a good Samaritan. Ultimately, since everything is connected, helping others inevitably means helping ourselves. At the highest level, there is no difference between egoism and altruism. It is a karmic ping-pong game. All our actions come back to us. Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path




Saturday FOD: Touch Bridge
Sunday FOD: Tai Chi long form
Monday FOD: Black Crane 1 (both ways)
Tuesday FOD: Dance Of Life
Wednesday FOD: Angry Snake Defends Its Lair



Friday lunchtime BJJ at GB Sea.


Tripod sweep: judo grips, foot on opponent's hip on the side that you have the ELBOW, drop (let go of the lapel), turn out. Switch hands on that sleeve grip, grab opponent's ankle, push with the foot on the hip while hooking behind hir free foot with your free foot. Technical lift. Try to keep that ankle that you're holding.


If opponent steps back to try to keep you from hooking the second foot: Switch hips, trade the foot on the hip for the opposite one- now you can stick your other foot between hir feet and kick it backward to sweep. Don't forget to pull your leg back as you get up, otherwise it gets trapped- I did that the first few times.


If the opponent steps back really far, don't try to chase the foot- omoplata instead.


Friday evening no-gi at Sleeper.


Drill: You are in turtle & opponent is sprawled on you N/S. Stick your head up under opponent's armpit, step out with the outside foot, sit out, and go to the back. Stay tight to the opponent.  If s/he has started to try for a guillotine, go to the same side that the arm is on.


Sweeps from closed guard. Sit-up sweep, pendulum sweep, and this new one: Sit up and grab a guillotine. Opponent fights the arm. You slip your hand under hir armpit and behind hir shoulder blade. Your palm should be facing you. Gable-grip with the other hand, cinch it in tight, and pull the opponent over with the torqued-back shoulder leading. If you do it right, the neck is being twisted painfully to the side as well as the shoulder being wrenched, making it quite unpleasant to try to resist (Plenty of "bonus violence".... "A Cindy-style technique for sure" I commented).


Light positional sparring in that the bottom person tries one of the three sweeps, the top person resists, and the bottom person has to switch to a plan B. Just the sort of thing that causes my brain to go tharn. I tried.


I bailed before sparring time. I didn't spar this morning either. I think I'm going to take a break from sparring and just do drills for at least a little while, till I feel less emotionally fragile.


I noticed that this coming spring will mark 4 years of BJJ. It was right around the 4 year mark that things seriously started to go south for me with Kung Fu. I wonder if there's a pattern here. At around 4 years in, I do start to feel like I can no longer utilize the "I'm a clueless newbie" excuse; I feel like I ought to know a few things, to be sort of "intermediate" level.  LOL, at 4 years I may be looking at my MA and saying, "We need to have a talk, where is our relationship going?" and am unsatisfied with the answer. Unfortunately, high turnover among MA students means that in many scenarios, being a 4-year student means that you are at or near the front of the seniority line... which compounds feelings of "Why is this still not coming together for me?"


I never did really recover from that 4-year-point crisis in Kung Fu- although granted, there were numerous complications with teacher and classmate and curriculum dynamics that were mucking up the works- so if this is round two of that movie, I'm still not sure how to handle it.


The reason this came to mind is that I noticed myself tonight refraining from pointing out an obvious (to me) error in technique to a more junior student. I was thinking "Who am I to correct her; What do I know?" That sounded like such a familiar song that I thought back, and realized that it was word-for-word the very same refrain that was going through my mind that final year of Kung Fu, when I clammed up and stopped giving input to anyone on anything, because I felt too inferior to have anything to contribute.


Well, unless I want to change MA's every 4 years, I'm going to have to figure out how to get through the "Intermediate-level Sand Trap Of Self Doubt" (tm).  



Car troubles, veterinary troubles and sick colleagues have conspired to make me miss several classes these last two weeks.


There is also a distinct possibility that I am about to be laid off for the second time in three years. As much as I would hate to leave Cindy/Rodrigo/Carlos/my classmates, if I get laid off again I am outta here. Seattle is too expensive to live near even when you *can* keep a job.


I consistently get search terms in my blog stats involving "Bianca Bree feet". They are finding me because I have teammates named Bianca and Bree, respectively- and I do mention feet from time to time. But seriously, I've Googled this woman just to see what it is about her feet... and I'm confused. I guess you have to be a foot fetishist to get it.