Rawwwwr.....?

With developments in technical competence and the application of the technique in training, grading, or competition, the self confidence of the student improves. He sees his improvements as successful efforts on his part. Success breeds success, and success breeds self-confidence. The two go very much hand-in-hand. A successful and confident student looks forward to training and enjoys the learning environment. A happy student learns faster than an unhappy one because he enjoys what he is doing, and because the skills are consciously and subconsciously associated with pleasure, they are retained for longer. In that the reverse is also true- that failure breeds lack of confidence  and dissatisfaction with training- the learning environment has to allow for the student to succeed in what he is doing, no matter what his level of ability or competence.  Tony Gummerson, "Teaching Martial Arts"

Tuesday: Hoo. I felt decent yesterday- decent enough to do 2 classes, performed adequately, and I felt tired but fine when I got home. But this morning we have backslid. Oh, and there *is* such a thing as too much Nyquil. Holy gee. If you asked me to imagine what a heroin trip on a tainted batch looks like, I would imagine last night's show on Somnalist Trauma Theater. It wasn't about last fall, so I won't complain much... but yeesh. Oh, and I misspelled about 8 words in this paragraph (including "misspelled"). I don't think I belong behind the wheel of an automobile today.


Wednesday evening gi at Sleeper Athletics. Review of some of the same bottom half guard stuff that we did last time.

Also: You have bottom deep half guard. top guy gets whizzer. You grip hir pantleg at the knee and push into hir; when s/he pushes back, pull hir overtop of you and sweep.

I don't know what to say- or do- about sparring. It is obvious that some sort of response/reaction is being sought from me, but I don't understand what is expected of me other than what I've been doing all along: getting steamrollered into the mat and then getting back up to get steamrollered into the mat again. Tonight I couldn't even manage that much. I got pounded through two matches; Tried to bench myself because I was so exhausted I could barely stand, but was denied; rag-dolled my way ineffectually through my third roll without being able to do anything more offensive than bleed on my opponent's gi; barely limped through the final set of calisthenics; and had to sit out the last roll entirely.

Am I supposed to suddenly rise up, rip my shirt down the middle, go RAWWWWWRRRRR, and start kicking everyone's ass left and right while some 80's guitar metal soundtrack screams over it all? That is never going to happen. I learned long before starting BJJ that trying to apply that sort of frustrated anger to MA practice does not serve to jack my performance to greater heights- it makes me sloppy and impatient and even more frustrated than before. I do not get angry on the mat. I get frustrated on the mat. I get despairing on the mat. I do not get angry on the mat. If people think they are going to prod me until I explode and then I will magically turn into Kyra Gracie, that is never going to happen. Either the explosion *OR* the Kyra. If some other response is expected of me, well, I don't know WTH it is.

I only managed to escape one leg/foot attack tonight; got tapped on all the others. My bad knee complained during the warmup sprints and once during a top half guard, but other than that, it held up fine tonight. I think if I can go a few more days without doing anything else to it, it should be close to 100% again. Ribs seemed fine tonight as well.