How do I stop you????!!??"

I write for love, but love doesn't pay the bills. -Stephen King



Thursday evening BJJ in KIRKLAND. It was nice to see Dave again.

I haven't been here in a while and it was weird to walk in and have all these white belts (and a couple of  early blues) staring at me.

I know that we learn best when we are getting our tails kicked by better MA'ists, and I am constantly conscious of how very fortunate I am to have so many excellent people to kick my tail for me. It's a very different experience to have a roomful of whites and baby blues that you've never laid eyes on before, and wondering, "Okay, how is this going to go? Are they going to try to prove something on me? Am I going to find myself in WW3 in here tonight? And if I do, can I keep it together?"

Standup: straightarm push to opponent's right shoulder while snatching left shin (that's SHIN, not thigh or knee). Lift and dump.

Triangles from guard. I just don't use these, and while I'm excellent (in drilling) on one side, the other side is just not happening. OF COURSE, OF COURSE OF COURSE Prof Casey (whom I barely know and I doubt knows my name at all) walks over to look JUST AS I try it on the stupid side and make an idiot of myself. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY????!!!???!!! Now I have made a stellar first impression on him as a purple belt who cannot execute a simple triangle in drill.

Cross chokes from guard, gripping the wad of gi at the back of the shoulder. My favorite.

Spars with a white belt guy and a blue belt girl. Was able to handle them both easily, although Blue made me work- she has lots of energy, flexibility, strength, and is in good shape. She kept beginning by pulling me into her guard, so after two or three of those, I made a point of pulling HER into MY guard instead. She seemed deficient on front mount escapes, so I showed her my favorite no-fail one and then skated around mounting her repeatedly and making her do it till she almost died of exhaustion.  Had one embarrassing moment where I KOB'ed her and she rolled the "wrong" way to escape. I was so surprised, and my balance was a little off, so she got me fair and square. It was a good reminder. Gracie Barra tends to be pretty formulatic, and I have really gotten used to "If I do A, he's going to do B." The only exceptions to that are the white and black belts, and I rarely work with white belts. When I do A and they do P instead, I need to not get caught flat footed. This is important as a defense-oriented MA'ist. I have to remember that if I get into a defensive situation, it is likely that the other guy will NOT be a trained grappler, and when I do A, I need to be ready for him to do P and R and UDK and aardvark and 74 instead of B.


Me: (setting up a keylock) "Don't let me do THIS again,"
Blue: (wailing) "HOW DO I STOP YOU??!?"


The white belt was newer. On him, I did my standard "This is KOB. I get points for this, so as soon as I do it to you, you need to turn toward me and shrimp out before I count to 3." And then skated around KOB'ing him repeatedly and making him do it till he almost died of exhaustion.

Both of them thanked me sincerely after, and said that they had learned a lot. I love that.

Besides making a point of teaching/drilling one thing (him, KOB escape; her, front mount escape) hard- which I make a point of telling them that I want them to retain and do to me next time- I feel that it's educational for the lower belts for me to tire them out to the point that they are reeling when we are done, and I'm not breathing hard. Of course probably THE most important thing they need to learn is "relax and breathe", and this is a good demo of what they are shooting for.

This did, however, leave me mulling a dilemma as I left. Is it helpful or not- on a purely selfish level- to make a point of going to Kirkland regularly so that I can work with lower-ranked people for a change?

Of course you learn things by teaching. And it's a thrill to have your techniques actually WORK for a change instead of getting shut down every time even if you're doing it right, just because the other person is six skill levels above you. But I wonder if my behemoth challenges- confidence and self esteem- would be boosted by doing this regularly, or would it be just a sop to my ego? I would love to find things that would genuinely boost my confidence and self-esteem, but I do not have time and energy to watse on band-aid ego sops.

I wonder if it would be helpful to come here to work on my weak bottom and sweep game with the white belts.