To Slay Pollyanna

Problems set in if the performer has a brittle dependence on the safety of absolute perfection. -Josh Waitzkin, “The Art Of Learning”




Tuesday FOD: Five Animals. Both the regular and the mirror versions seem very smooth and powerful today.

Tuesday lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Bellevue.

Double-leg drills, KOB drills, butterfly sweep setups. Positional training- try to pass/defend open guard. A couple of rolls- Bree, John, some white belt guy.

A long time rolling with Ben, which was actually pretty frustrating- trapped on the bottom a lot, getting choked and armbarred.


Kung Fu at CC's. Started with some reps and apps of a section out of a Green Dragon form- same form we were working with last time, but a different section. I really like the way this flows; very Dragonesque:

Start kneeling on rt knee, left Leopard Fist extended shoulder level to west, palm facing south. Rt Leopard fist guarding rt side of head.

Stand and bring both straight arms down in front of body, then circle slightly to right. Turn to face south, continuing the swirly circle to parry a low kick off both hands in front of thighs.

Turn west and step with left foot, bringing both arms up and over in a karate-chop motion chest level. Left hand is slightly ahead of rt.

Step west rt foot, circling both hands over head from left temple to rt to strike rt blade-hand palm-up head level to south. Left hand is warding palm-out at left brow.

Scissor step left foot to west behind rt. Left hand drops to Black Crane guard at rt jaw. RT hand circles to left shoulder and then down-and-out to groin strike to west with knife palm as you sink into the scissor stance.

Note that all of these arm motions are continuous and flowing with no pauses.

After that, they made me teach them the first part of Hurricane Hands, up to the elbow-grind and palm-heel.

Then D and I did a little slow sparring. They're still on my back about my constant Snake striking to the neck. I also took D's back and RNC'ed him, although I couldn't actually take his back with good form because he's too big for me to get my legs around him. He was cracking up the whole time time, even after I proceeded to throttle him till he had to tap.

I'm still having trouble with the big kicks- I need to react faster and stop freezing up when I see one coming in. Also having some difficulty with his wide right hooks- no one I'm used to sparring really tends to use those, so it's new. I don't know what style he favors, but he uses a lot of Mantis- always a challenge.



I cracked like an egg. I e-mailed SK and asked him if he was ever going to speak to me again. I know, I'm weak and pathetic and I'm a masochistic dumb-ass. But it's been four weeks and I'm going nuts. I want to know if anything can be salvaged, and failing that, I'd like some closure. Either way, I really want him to clear up some confusion about what really went down. He gave me a lot of contradicting information. It's difficult to move on either way when there's so much conflicting information and you don't really understand what happened.

I've been really terrified to ping him, because 1)if he ignores me, that's going to be really hurtful, 2)If we do talk it out, it's going to be a painful and difficult conversation, and and 3)If we're really finished with each other for good and all, I'm not eager to face the finality of that. As long as it was kind of hanging there inconclusively, some corner of my mind could maintain a little Pollyanna fantasy that everything might be fixed somehow and we could all go back to class and relations as usual. But I'm going nuts. I think the time has come to step up and slay Pollyanna- much as that's going to hurt.

Wednesday

A man wants to walk across the land, but the earth is covered with thorns. He has two options- one is to pave his road, to tame all of nature into compliance. The other is to make sandals. Making sandals is the internal solution. Like the Soft Zone, it does not base success on a submissive world. - Josh Waitzkin, “The Art Of Learning”



Saturday FOD: Angry Snake Defends Its Lair
Sunday FOD: Wood Monkey
Monday FOD: Kiu Two
Tuesday did not exist due to work/sleep cycle scheduling
Wednesday FOD: Box Form


Wednesday morning, JoE and I worked on some Box Form, Kiu Two, Southern Mantis, and some sparring. (We had planned to meet at Volunteer Park; I texted him and suggested his apartment lobby instead due to the rain and cold. Turns out I had his number entered erroneously in my phone. So I apparently texted some random stranger and suggested we meet at his apartment. Hope it's someone nice.) Anyway, we met at the park and then repaired to the apartment lobby.


New Southern Mantis fragment: After the turn and rising topfist.

Little skip forward- place rt foot where left foot was, left foot steps forward into a Southern Mantis stance (I keep wanting to do a cat here...). The rt hand circles back to chamber after the topfist, but continues without pause into a waist-level front punch as you are skipping forward.

Both hands move to center, then down-and-out in low palm-heel blocks (as in Three Step Arrow).


Reach up with both hands to grab opponent's head, bring it down as you bring rt knee up to smash.

JoE thinks this is one of the most difficult sections in the form just because of the tricky timing of the skip forward and the punch.


We went pretty slow and light with the sparring; he hit me too hard a few times, but it wasn't too bad. His Mantis technique is really difficult for me to parse.... I tend to not do very well against him. He couldn't take me down, though, and he tried a LOT. We did end up rolling around on the ground some at the end, during which he is so much stronger that he just pinned me and hit me till I had to cry uncle.

I'm not sure if that was helpful for me or not at this point. It was nice to be able to work some Kung Fu, and it was nice to see JoE again... I hate to lose contact with all the other students in the group that were not part of the conflict. It did churn up my maudlin again some, though.... my mood is poor this afternoon. I may need to ask him to just not talk about class or people from class, since that's what was kind of hard to deal with.


Wednesday lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Seattle. Standing shoulder lock. Then: Opponent tries to double-leg you, you sprawl, crossface, go to the side (NOT the back), and clock choke. THis worked much better when I remembered to switch my hips once I was cranking back toward the head.... but if you switch your hips too soon, the guy can reverse you, so you have to really watch the balance points.

Then, opponent tried to grab your leg while you're at the side. Switch your feet to trap his arm, then you can try to armbar by lifting your rear leg up (this worked beautifully the first time I tried it; my flexibility played to that very well... then Bryan started turning his arm under so that I couldn't do it any more), or else summersault over the person and finish the clock choke (or another sub) from there.

I got to drill with Bryan, who was helpful with the pointers.

Positional training starting with the opponent on your back. I can defend the choke fine, but I can't remove Bryan's monkey-feet hooks to save my life.

A long roll with Z. I spent a great deal of time trying to choke him, and only succeeded once. He's always fun to roll with, though.


I had every intention of making an evening class today as well, but I'm feeling really physically tired for some reason (even after eating). I have to get up pre-dawn for work in the morning anyway, so I think I'm going to let it slide.


CC is talking again about me teaching him (and D) Hurricane Hands. I just do not feel very good about this... especially now that I don't have SK to check clarifications/questions/apps with.

Sunday

Most people are grass-eaters with their heads down on the ground. The jackals and lions know this and think of them as that. Hold your head up and walk like you are the biggest, baddest lion that walks. The jackals and lions will notice and leave you alone because they don't want to get hurt. Don't challenge them because they might feel they have to respond to it. All you want is their respect, not their dignity. -Greg Hamilton




The FOD is Black Crane 1.

Lindsey's competition class at Gracie Seattle.

I ate a salad before I went to class, and that was a mistake I will not repeat. I felt like I barely had enough energy to blink my eyelids, let alone do BJJ. Next time I will make sure to eat something more substantial.

Between that and the fact that I can't turn my mind away from the Chernobyl that is my personal life, I didn't have a very good class. I did get a triangle on a white belt, which is a big deal- that is one of my worst techniques. But I spent a lot of time lying there not being able to do much, getting frustrated and despairing.

It's really hard on Kung Fu class nights. I really miss Kung Fu. SK is still not speaking to me, and I really miss him, too.

Last time I was a having a really bad time in my personal life, I applied myself with desperate abandon to my MA training and used it as a drug to help get through that time. This time, it's harder, because I've lost my Kung Fu group/class at the same time. The double whammy is very difficult to take. BJJ helps some, but it also reminds me that I'm missing Kung Fu.... and BJJ doesn't have quite the same depth of spiritual involvement (yet, anyway) that Kung Fu has for me. It is not quite as effective of a drug.

A few run-throughs of all the Mirror forms and their regular-side equivalents. I also worked a bit on the opening moves of Frolic In the Mirror.

Saturday

Ninety times out of a hundred it will work. If not, then you may have to give them the universal hand signal for LIE DOWN! (Holds handgun in firing position and repeatedly pulls trigger.) -Greg Hamilton



The FOD is Angry Snake Defends Its Lair.


Saturday BJJ at Gracie Seattle. "Intro" class followed by competition class.

It is spider guard day. We did 3 different spider guard sweeps. Got to drill with Jonh, which is always good. Fingers are all sore and gi-burned now, will have to tape tomorrow.

King Of the Hill starting in Spider guard. I was reasonably competitive passing spider guard, although I didn't get a turn on the bottom- from which I would have done much more poorly!

Rolls with John, Sonia, and Prof Miriam (finally!) She is even smaller than me, and I was a brute- being heavy on top of her. That was fascinating and fun, though. Sonia mentioned that I was much "tighter". Cool.



I was going to go to Sleeper's no-gi after that, but the place was locked up when I got there. Probably a tournament going on that I wasn't aware of.


A few reps od Angry Snake, a few resp os the ending of the Chen sword form, a little double short sticks practice, a few mirror forms. I can do Hurricane Hands In the Mirror all the way to the end now, but I still need more practice on which Snake hand is on top after each of the turns.

People who don't communicate well

The Form Of the Day is Sil Lum Tao.

Lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Seattle. Back mount. Keeping it, escaping it, choking people from it. Frustration and Amusement in turn as stubby short arms and legs prove particularly BAD for one aspect of this yet particularly GOOD for another aspect of it. Was able to competantly escape back mount in the "before I teach anything, let me just see where people are at" stage of the class. Was able to competantly retain back mount on larger, stronger people for longer than I expected. I like clock choke. Clock choke rocks.

Private with CC. I showed him Spear Hand, and it must have looked pretty darn good because he didn't nitpick at it. Then we did Box Form, and he had me doing a version of the first half that bears very little resemblance to the form I know. It has some extra arm swirlies that send power tingles up my arms. The ridge-hand and leg attack section must have looked very good, because he didn't fool with that part at all.

Then we had a talk, and he told me some things that did not make me happy at all. RS had previously told me some things, which CC is now directly contradicting.

CC is telling me that RS said _____ because he hates conflict and was trying to be nice, but he didn't really *mean* ______ and I am not to expect to hold him to ______.

I am the sort of person that if I tell you ______, I mean _______.... and I expect the same from you. Tell me what you mean. Do not BS me. Do not tell me one thing and then later go back on it. I do not like manipulations and political intrigue.

Besides which, I have been counting on _____ and am now being told that that's not going to manifest.

CC is saying, "I've worked with RS for decades and I've seen this pattern before- this is what he does, and I have to clean up the messes." It's a believable scenario, given some of what I know about past interpersonal and political history.

However, I have also observed for myself that CC likes to set himself up as the sole gatekeeper to- or even an analog for- RS. So this could be his way of securing his role as essential translator/gatekeeper/circuit-completer between RS and me.

Somebody here is snowjobbing me, and I don't know who it is. I am not a happy camper.

Sparring

A man who knows that body and spirit are part of each other doesn’t need anyone to remind him that he is alive, nor does he have any reason to upset the ecological balance. Only the sky above his head and the earth under his feet. His body is the only home. It is the only thing that never abandons him, the only one that truly belongs to him. Such an individual is a threat to every form of established authority. A wolf that can’t be tamed. He is not under anyone’s orders and doesn’t accept dogmas because he already has within himself everything he needs to face life. When streams of power flow in the veins of your body, dependency on external factors is reduced to a minimum. -Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path


Today's Form Of the Day is the Tai Chi long open-hands form, yet again. I had prolly 96% of it by bedtime last night; I'm going to rep it again as soon as I finish this. Getting kinda tired of this one, so I hope I can get through the whole thing and feel decent enough about it to go on to something else. This is one long-ass form. Even doing it in "micro-fu" fashion, one rep takes an eon.

Spent all day today cleaning out the storage closet (no, I didn't get it all done- but I got a lot done). I was savagely attacked by a shelf. I caught it with my head, and then it knocked over its buddy which I caught with my shoulder. I didn't even get a counterstrike off. This is why you should just never do housework. It is too dangerous.

I should have taken a break before kung fu, because by the time I got there, I was tired and had a little headache and wasn't really in the mood to focus. Luckily I was able to suck it up and get down to business, and actually ended up having a very, very productive class.

It was just SK, JM and me. SK wanted to start with sparring, so we did a few rounds of BJJ, starting from standup no less. JM gave me quite a challenge, which is a little discouraging since she hasn't trained in a year- but I was able to tap her a couple times and she didn't tap me (came close with a ezekiel once). She has been doing pilates, and it is apparent in her core strength and also her legs (both of which very very muscular and strong to begin with, now moreso). Had a bitch of a time trying to get out of her closed guard (moreso because we weren't wearing gi's). I am down to 125.5, and it is making a noticable difference (not a good one).

I am vexed to still be getting tapped by SK, altho it wasn't what I would call a rout. He hasn't trained in six or eight months either, but I'm taking him back to Cindy's on Tuesday and am going to make a more concerted effort to try to drag him in there at least once in a while (even if I have to bribe him by paying his mat fee). As soon as he's back in practice, he'll be creaming me again, I'm sure. It's slightly comforting that most of the subs he's getting are kung fu joint locks instead of common BJJ locks (altho a lock is a lock, it can be argued). I'm not sure whether it's a good or bad thing that he chose to wristlock the OPPOSITE wrist from the one that Carlos jobbed last summer- now they both twinge.

They both managed to take me down once, but I resisted many many more attempts, and am reasonably pleased with my takedown defense tonight. I am less pleased with my own (pretty nonexistant) takedown efforts.


After BJJ, we worked on Spear Hand. Corrections for me:

Make sure that with the deep lunge, the arms are straight BEFORE you go down- left arm lower. Do not bend at the waist.

The parry as you come up is NOT with a straight arm. It must be bent at the elbow.

The knife hand is supposed to be a willow palm. Well, we are not exactly sure what it's supposed to be, but it's either a knife hand or a palm-heel... so if we're doing willow palm, that kinda covers all bases.

After the wrist release, the left arm covers the chest and fists under the right armpit- do not chamber. Then for the next movement, you can brush that left hand directly up the right arm and under the right wrist.

For the pull-apart immediately following that, the right elbow is bent and fist is at waist, not as low or as far back as I have been doing. The hammer fist immediately after that is not as large a motion as I have been using. The power is all in the hip twist, not the arm swing.

For the hop and upward-press-block with push, come straight into that without taking time to chamber the arms first. The power is in the hop forward, not the arm chambering.

Next piece: Arrrgh, this spastic Northern Mantis crap...

Circle rt fist in towards your own ribs and then roundhouse punch towards north at chest level. The elbow is bent.
At the same time, left hand hooks outward and the left arm circles out and them comes in to meet the right hand. Grab right lower arm with left hand (slap).

Left hand hooks downward and out in a large circular motion. Right hand circles upward and out in a large circular motion, with an uppercutting fist. They are both moving clockwise, opposite each other. They meet at chest level, right hand fisted (palm up), left hand grabs lower right arm (slap). (This arm motion is similar to the one near the end of Bung Bo Kuen) At the same time, violent hip-twist to east, land in hill-climbing stance with left foot forward.

(SK mentioned that I do not need to have my toe turned in quite as much as I was doing, and I responded to that by turning the toe in even more until the foot was almost pointing backward- just because I can, and it amuses me to see him cringe.)

Turn rt palm over, advance left hand a bit and turn palm up, as if you are locking an opponent's elbow. Pull both hands down toward your rt hip as you shovel kick forward with the right foot. Your torso is actually leaning a bit BACK as you do this.

Turn abruptly north into hill climbing stance (left foot fwd) as rt leg shoots out behind (do not chamber the leg first). Slap rt elbow very forcefully into left palm. You can be bent over a bit at the waist as you do this.


As if this wasn't enough to cause my brain Death By Mantis, we went on to rep the little Mantisy thing that we'd learned on Thursday. Corrections for me:

At the beginning, step back into horse with the left foot.

Make sure at the end to have the left elbow bent in front of chest and the right arm *NOT* too far thrown behind.

SK had me work this sequence against the heavy bag to practice using the hip shifts to power the strikes, and also to get the punch and kick in the second movement landing simultaneously.


By then it was a half hour to class end, and SK wanted to do *MORE* sparring. This time kung fu sparring (BJJ could also happen, but you had to remember that strikes/kicks/illegal moves were valid).

I am surprised and pleased that I was able to maintain such good focus through this class fulla hard work, and somehow carry that focus into what turned out to be one of my better sessions of sparring.

He tried to take me down about a zillion times, but I felt very solidly rooted to the floor and could feel my center of gravity well under his. He could barely budge me. I was doing fairly well at "soft-focussing" my vision at his chest area. I was able to step on and pin his foot several times without looking down. I did get sucked into chasing flurries of Snake strikes a few times, but as soon as I noticed this, I backed off and refocussed. He wholloped me with several of those even so... he likes to bitch-slap you upside the head and on the cheeks when he does this, and it's humiliating and infuriating... but I refrained from getting pissed off and thus more aggressive and sloppier.

He also nailed me repeatedly with big circular kicks- crescents and sweeps. It was obvious that his Adderall had worn off, and he was getting pretty spastically animated- throwing out all sorts of Capoeira moves and weird Monkey techniques. I was chiding myself for blocking kicks with my hands again- this is a terrible habit of mine.

I seemed to be doing fairly well at fighting on the centerline, keeping my guard up, and picking the right times to lunge in. I was stringing together some attack sequences to keep pressing in on him- not quite as well as I would have liked to be, but markedly better than I usually manage. Doing decent at parrying/blocking incoming strikes (yeah, I was eating some, but I successfully defended a much greater percentage).

He remarked that I'm "getting a lot better that this." Boo-yah.

Very productive class- lots of hard Mantis work bracketed by two heavily-sweaty sparring sessions. Very tired now.

Monday

127.0

Form Of the Day: Hurricane Hands

I did a little Hurricane Hands this morning, and I had also done a couple reps last night, making sure to add in all the lost bits.

2 hours at the (non-MA) gym for formwork- mostly Mantis and Dragon. Bung Bo Kuen, Southern Mantis, Three Step Arrow, Spear Hand, Dragon Plants the Seed, Little Red Dagon, Touch Bridge, Box Form. Also Hurricane Hands, Catherine Dao, Chen Dao, Jian form, Tai Chi short open-hands form. Dao form seems okay now; Jian form took a couple reps to put all the pieces back together, but I think it's okay.

I did each form four or five times, facing a different direction each time- to avoid, as Jodi wrote about once, getting reliant of visual cues.

I know that some people (BJJ folks in particular) are contemptuous about formwork, but I almost always leave a session feeling that it was time well spent physically, mentally and spiritually. The real challenge- as Ginger and I have been recently commiserating- is getting one's butt into the practice space and getting started.

I feel good enough about Hurricane Hands at this point that I'm going to print out a form list and start cycling through Forms Of the Day.


Evening BJJ at Gracie Bellevue.

Carlos was raving about JB's hip throw in the no-gi competition! He was impressed!

We drilled a hip throw, a guard pass for when the opponent has put one foot in spider guard, and a different guard pass ending in a KOB, then to side control.

I had a few painful moments with the injured finger. In particular the throws, my partner kept clamping that hand in his armpit as he went down. I think it may have been a little too soon to go back to BJJ. It also depends on what exactly we're doing, though.

Carlos blew me a kiss on my way out. He's so funny. Even funnier hopped upon Vicodin. He looks less like a chipmunk today, but you can still see the swelling in his face.

An "acceptable amount"

Five senses working together give birth to the sixth. -Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path



Lunchtime BJJ at Cindy's. The first drill was an escape from top half guard that I was quite intrigued by, but it involved gable-gripping under a prone opponent's thighs, and I knew I couldn't do that drill with my injury. Lamont mentioned being less than 100% right now himself, so he asked me if there was anything I wanted to work on. I said, LEGLOCKS and LEGLOCK ESCAPES.

First he wanted to try a certain armlock escape, so we played with that for a while, then we ankle locked each other. I need to pay attention to the orientation of my forearm bone to get maximum "incentive". I also need to make sure to clamp the opponent's knee between my knees, and work the lock more by PUSHING UP than by LEANING BACK. If I don't get the tap, I need to tip over on my side (TOWARD opponent's trapped leg), look over my shoulder which is on the mat (counterintuitive, that part) and arch my back.

To defend, flex the foot in a 90 degree angle. Grab opponent's elbow on that same side and the lapel on the other side, pull hir (or you) forward so that s/he can't lean back to apply pressure. Push your foot through so that the opponent is now clamping far enough up on your calf so as to be useless. Now you can try to move your butt to the outside of hir legs, from which you are often in position to try to get to the top.

We also worked with a leg lock from top half guard. Slide your free knee across opponent's belly and fall to that side, grabbing the leg. Keep your foot (and your butt, which is on top of your foot) right up tight against the opponent's hip. Hug the calf to your chest, and bar the knee by propping it in your crotch the same way you do an armbar.

I need to work these some more, but it was good to finally get the first clue of how to do locks below the waist. I thanked Lamont and told him that was very helpful... whereupon JB, sitting on the bench watching us, said with glum dread, "Oh, great." (hee hee)


Cindy: "C'mere Lamont, I want to see if this hurts"

Lamont: "Oh, hey, wait a minute..." looks at me

Cindy: "Kitsune! C'mere, lemme see if this hurts!"

Kitsune: "Oh, my God...."

So, I know this is quite a cliffhanger- whattaya think, did Cindy make it hurt???!!!? Hee hee. (Although surprisingly, it didn't hurt in the specific fashion that she had *expected* it to hurt... it hurt more from the collateral pressure of her bony elbow in the solar plex as she was enthusiastically cranking a gi-tail choke around my neck like she was wringing out a wet dishcloth)


JB has been rolling really well all week, although she may not feel that way, since she's been going with a lot of really good people who are giving her no slack since she'll be competing. She tapped a white belt guy a little bigger than she. He was muscling to try to keep her from finishing the armbar, and I called to her to hold her own lapel- that little trick works for me a lot, so I was tickled pink when she took my advice and got the tap. After one short whoop and clap, I abruptly repressed applause because I didn't want to embarrass the guy. I just grinned widely and thumbs-upped her as soon as he turned his back to go to the bench. Then Cindy absolutely plowed her from standup about a zillion times. Which says nothing bad about JB's skills (I mean, it's CINDY), but I know that can feel a little frustrating and discouraging sometimes. She will be ready for tournament aggression, though.

I told JB that her face and body language often give off the impression that she's hesitant when facing off from standing. I know that she's worried about takedowns to some degree, but she has a reasonable expectation of being more practiced in takedowns than most people in her bracket. And even if not, we don't want the opponent to see hesitation and anxiety at the faceoff, or they will be encouraged to nuke you. I told her that she doesn't necessarily have to pounce aggressively on the opponent immediately (although there is something to be said for that), but at least have Serious/Focussed Face on. I could tell she was trying to pay attention to that later, although the Serious Face (understandably) slipped some once Cindy started disassembling her.

JB has the new blue Fenom gi. It looks sharp!

We also had a discussion with Lamont about unacceptable language on the mat. I opined that JB's favorite profanity- "Crapmonkeys"- would probably be allowed to slide if she uttered it on the mat, Lamont said no. JB accused me of commenting "Poop" on the mat at some point this week. I didn't remember. I warned her that if she curses on the mat in front of Carlos, she will be doing pushups. If she says "Crapmonkeys", she will probably be required to explain that to him- after which she might be doing pushups anyway. Heh heh.



Thursday kung fu. The weather was beauteous and the classroom was a microwave oven, so we went outside.

Kitsune: "Wow, that's one impressive bruise, Marcie."

Marcie: "Yes, and it's your fault!"

K: "ME??!!?!?" (completely unfeigned defensive surprise... it's not like I would beat the shinola out of the new person)

Entire class: LAUGHTER

She didn't recall exactly what we had been doing at the time, but she professed that she knew it had been me. Then she pulled up a pantleg and said, "But I can't figure out where THIS one came from." She had an indentically large and ugly bruise just below her knee. As soon as I saw it, I *KNEW* that had been from when we were doing the Mantis application out of Five Animals... after I had gotten latched onto her arm and pulled her in, I had started giving her a little kick in the leg. But only on the light side side of medium. I told her what it was from, then said,

"Sorry." (pause) "Sort of."

"It's fine. I should tell you that I bruise easily."

"Good. I should tell you that I like to bruise people."

SK had wanted to do throws, but a few people were concerned about grass allergies as well as skin reactions to whatever toxic sludge the college sprays on the grass. A couple of bad rashes had resulted from rolling around on that particular grass last year.

Hand strike drills (fingertip-leading strikes only). Note that Viper's Tongue should- and can- hit with both fingers, not just the longest one- and it doesn't require coming in sideways. The optimal neck target is curved enough to accommodate.

I had moved to stand directly behind JoE and intermittantly harrass him. Then SK called my name and was grinning hugely at me from the front. "Hi." "Ahh... hi." I thought for a minute that he was getting ready to scold me for harrassing JoE, but then he said, "C'mere." Uh oh. People say that to me a lot, and it puts my hackles up.

After informing me that my "kicks are pretty", he made me stand up front again while we reviewed the first four pieces of the Tiger kick drill- I turned my back, as I usually do when I'm demoing just because that's how *I* prefer to be demo'ed to, so that I don't have to make mirror adjustments while I try to follow. Also, since SK is usually standing up front and explaining while demo'ing facing the class, that lets us jointly cover both views for whomever needs what. This time he made me face the class- as he did not demo *OR* explain, but made *ME* do it. Then we did a bunch of reps of all four in sequence. I turned my back again for the reps... there is a lot of side-switching happening, and it would be chaos for anyone who wasn't REALLY good at doing mirror transcriptions to try to follow.

Next (as I gratefully faded back into the rear portion of the group), we went over the basic Tiger stances: Back, cat, front, scissor, and fifth.

This was a lot of tiger; my calves were trembling a bit.

During the break, SK asked me to show him the submission setup that Preston had taught me. I haven't had a chance to review it and I wasn't sure I could pull it off, but after one positional misfire, I was able to do it- so goodie. As soon as my finger is functional, I'm going to try that technique on some poor unsuspecting white belt newb.

SK asked whether we wanted to work on Five Animals, Black Crane one- and two-step defenses, or split off and work on individual forms. People voted for the latter. I went a little way down the path where nobody could see me, and went through the piece of Spear Hand (aka Punch and Jab) first. We have skipped Sunday class two weeks in a row, so I had actually made a concerted effort to rep this thing over the last week because I knew that otherwise, I would be a big blank this weekend when we return to it. I have been focussing mainly on making sure it is sufficiently Mantisy... especially as it is a fairly recent development that I felt competant to grasp "Mantisy" at all.

Then more Mantis and Dragon stuff. The fragment of Southern Mantis- which is now disturbingly half blank. I know I have at least partial notes on it, so I need to review those before all memory of the thing fades. A rep of Bung Bo Kuen, which actually felt competant enough (and Mantisy enough) that I left it at that. I attempted to do the Northern Mantis bo form with a short stick I picked off the ground, but that was a bit too mentally jarring. Must go over that one soon with a real bo- especially as we are unlikely to get a chance to work on it this semester. Despite the fact that this is Mantis/Dragon semester, the Sunday meeting spot is bo-unfriendly.

Three Step Arrow fragment: part of that was dim as well, but most of it came back after a couple of tries. The really tough part (the machine-gun strike sequence) had good Southern Mantis energy and acceptable technical correctness.

That's all the Mantis I can think of, without checking notes to be sure. Dragon stuff next. Box Form- still has that little blank section, but the second half of the form and even the random little frags are roaring with energy. It's so odd that this seems to have emerged as a seminal form for me (in spite of repeatedly forgetting pieces of it). CC is so contemptuous of this form as beginner's drek that he refuses to even work on it with me. He also insists that CM cribbed the form from some other kung fu faction, heh heh.

Dragon Plants the Seed. Need to review some hand positions from my notes.

Touch Bridge- a couple of foggy spots, but all but one of those worked out after a few tries. That one missing technique is within reach, I can feel it- next time it will come. Again, the energy seems to be very good and the technicality acceptable.

Little Red Dragon- I just micro-fu'ed this one swiftly, because I have worked on it recently as opposed to most of this other stuff, and feel pretty good about it.

Then I picked a few of the forms that I think I've neglected the longest. Iron Needle, Silken Needle. Both of which I had to work a bit to reconstruct the foggy parts, but both of which came back fully. Energy came back too. I don't think even CN and SK have retained Silken Needle- the last time I asked them to work on it with me- a really long time ago- they both stumbled all over it. And I *know* JoE hasn't retained it, because the last time we were asked to trot it out for RS, he stumbled all over it too. I need to be particularly careful to not let this one go to seed, because there is a disturbing lack of backup help with the thing.

Somewhere in here, SK wandered over and helped me with that troublesome bit of Box Form. I was disturbed (and embarrassed) to find that I had completely blanked on one entire technique (the Leopard Fist) which explains the lost piece of the puzzle. Now that I've forgotten bits of this form multiple times, it will be a priority to make thorough notes on it.

When next I work forms, I need to make sure I hit Kiu Two. That is just one hellishly complicated form, and we didn't get to work it in finished form nearly as much as I would have liked to before Snake semester was over. I don't wanna have to relearn all those complex strike sequences, so additional reps in the near future will be vital. Hurricane Hands is another one that needs a couple reps soon.

Forms going to seed, in a big way. I feel so guilty that I can't seem to motivate myself to find the time I need to give these. Whipping off a few reps regularly is a heck of a lot less work than trying to reconstruct a form that's melting through the lowest screen-level of my memory. I have too many forms. The me of two years ago, when I was burningly frustrated with not being able to get any new forms, would be appalled to hear the me of today saying that. I am seriously missing the last 30 min of each Thursday class that we used to spend doing individual forms stuff. I know that the sparring practice which replaced it is more important (with the caveat that I can't do any sparring till my finger heals, and SK seems to be shelving most of the sparring lately probably due partially to that). I also know that class time would be better utilized by doing that on our own and grabbing SK before or after class for a quick question or two.

On the positive side, the energy of the forms is definitely there- and there in a way that is stylistically distinct, in most cases. I'm not entirely sure if it is reliably there upon call, but I'm starting to suspect it is heading to that state- which would be wonderful. I have been frustrated in the past with the hit-or-miss consistency of stylistic energy- sometimes I'm just in the groove and sometimes (especially with Crane and Mantis) I'm not.

At another point during my individual forms practice, SK appeared a second time and called me to come back to the yard for a few minutes. He lined up those of us who are in the Sunday intermediate class and had us do the piece of Spear Hand. Thank GODS I had this ready (and that I didn't leave it to do last-minute on the weekend). I was the only one who could perform it reasonably- a couple of slight what-comes-next pauses that were entirely attributable to my uncomfortable awareness of SK/Marcie/RM standing there watching. Even JM- whose form memory is maddenly reliable, precise and perfect- was tripping all over it. Okay, it's not nice of me (especially as I don't really want our whole group to look like idiots in front of the new people), but internally I allowed myself a brief moment of gloat. I was slightly less gloaty when SK made me do it again by myself while EVERYBODY watched (arrrgh), but I got through it okay.

JM commented that my "forms are so pretty" which she has said once or twice before and it always knocks me out. I long to have my forms look like *HER* forms- she is always so crisp and precise and elegant and technically excellent. I feel like a shambling one-legged drunk in comparison. Still touching to hear her say that. It is plain that she is making a conscious effort to try to buck up my poor self-confidence, which is sweet of her and much appreciated. I thanked her.

SK mentioned on the walk back to the car that when he had come to look for me working forms on my secluded section of path, he had located me partially by scent. LOL. I was wearing my "cupcake" skin lotion today. This led JM to comment that I always smell like dessert, and that whenever she spars me, she gets hungry. My response was that that probably is not a mental space that I want to encourage in a sparring opponent, especially one that is working Tiger.

SK asked if today had been an "acceptable amount of picking on Kitsune".

"There *IS* no "acceptable amount of picking on Kitsune". The very concept of picking on Kitsune is a wrongness."

"But seriously, was that an acceptable amount?"

"That was kind of a lot of picking on Kitsune. What's up with that anyway?"

He wouldn't answer till *I* answered, after defining "acceptable amount" as "won't make you quit coming to class". I stated that it is very pressure-ful to be made to stand up in front of the class, but- reluctantly- "as long as it's stuff I can actually **DO**...." "That's the idea." "Are you going to tell me the idea?" "Just to make you do more in class." Sigh. I **AM** doing it- I'm just doing it in the back row of the group.

He did mention that he is pleased with me for working on stuff outside of class. As much as I beat myself up about not putting enough time in, I do make sure that at the very least I have readied whatever I know we are going to be working on in class that day. Quintuple-y so if I messed any of it up the previous week. I know that he is frustrated that other students put in even less time outside of class (ie, infintesimal if ANY). It was nice to get a little stroke for that effort. Nice to have it noticed. That's all it takes to make me want to put in MORE effort.


SK also observed- upon being told that I had withdrawn from the Revolution- that that meant no post-tourney Peanut M&M Pig-out. Sigh. It's so sad. I do feel physically better staying right on weight, though. I really do notice even an extra three or four pounds.

Black Dragon

From the Sleeper Athletics Facebook page.... this is one of the dads:

"Sitting in dentist office with Casey today and we are playing a game of who's guy beats who.... He starts off with Spiderman, i counter with Superman, he goes Hulk, i go The Thing, he goes Triple H, i go Fedor, he goes Werdum (smart kid) i go Transformers, he goes Thor, i go Teenage mutant nija turtles, he looks at me and goes "so you wanna play that way do you? I got CINDY!!!!!!!!! game over".........I didn't have an answer to that one, lol."


An hour of Competition Training at Gracie Seattle.

Lindsey and his warmups... the man loves to make us run. I am not a runner. There are good reasons why I am a martial artist and not a runner. Today I couldn't even manage all the running and had to bow out of a couple laps. I managed to do all of his jumping jacks, though (must've been about a hundred).

We worked on transitions from side control to north-south and back again. I need to be better about remembering to grab the pantleg to keep the guy from rolling/shrimping. Other than that, I think Cindy's endless drills on this have gotten me fairly good at it. Unfortunately, even if my technique is clean, ost of the guys can just bench-press me off.

Some King-of-the-hill positional sparring: try to hold side control and north-south versus try to get out. We only had about a dozen people today, and I do not like King Of The Hill much when there are so few people. It only takes most of these guys about twenty seconds to defeat me, so unless we have a lot of "stations" with constant rotation in, I spend a vast amount of time standing on the wall as opposed to doing anything.

Just before I had to leave, Lindsey showed a nice gi-tail choke. I want to remember to try these gi-tail wrap-ups in live sparring more often. In the heat of the moment, I usually just forget all about it... but I like how many of them do not take much strength, so they are probably a good thing for me to be utilizing.


Sunday Kung fu.

I have been practicing the bit of Arrow Hand, and the snappy "Mantis-y" energy seems to be getting snappier and more Mantis-y. We did not work on that at all tonight, though. CN was there, so we were working on Dragon.

First we ran through Lun Chi and Little Red Dragon. These are feeling fairly good to me. CN did a little spot-cleaning on those two, but everything he mentioned was stuff I was already doing.

Black Dragon stances. Walking forward and backward in Black Dragon stance (going backward is easier than going forward, ironically), with a ton-sau-ish parry and a punch. Alone and then with partners.

Then, Black Dragon stance with a bon-sau-ish parry and a punch (standing still). On heavy bags, then on classmates. I had been pleased with the feel of the rebounding energy in that first one; in this one, the rebounding energy was exponentially greater. The parry doubles as one of those little winding-up energy-swirling things that Dragon likes to do before it strikes- it felt like my fist was on the end of an industrial piston. Nor was I drawing from my *own* energy to power it- this is a sloppy habit of mine- I wasn't getting tired at all even though I working it for quite a while. Love it.

We got a chance to cycle through everybody a couple of times... I continue to be impressed with JM's Dragon. I can feel the Dragon energy in it more than in anyone else's (with the obvious exception of CN). She hits hard too. I had to ask her to lighten up a bit.

JM: "You keep circling around me!"

Kitsune: (innocently) "Would I do that?"

JM: "You're trying to get my kidney!"

Kit: (innocently) "Would I do that?"

JM: "I *like* my kidneys!"

Kit: "You only need one!"

Working with Nemesis, he discovered that because of the height difference, he could meet all of my attacks with the same ton sau response- because even though I was striking high and low, to him they were all low. Huh. I was amused to find, when we switched roles, that the opposite was true for me- I was able to meet all of his attacks with the same bon sau response- because to me they were all coming in from on high. With JM, I could still get away with that- but just for good practice's sake, I tried to meet her low strikes with the ton sau and the high ones with the bon sau. I often find myself getting paralyzed trying to choose the "correct" response in drills like this- but this time I was able to consciously relax into the Dragon and with only a few flubs, was mostly okay. Most of the other styles, I can't relax into them enough to do that well.

I was hitting SK pretty hard in the abs (he can take it, and he's constantly nagging me to hit him harder... hope he was satisfied today). Sometimes I went high and targeted his chest area instead. I had been aiming for JM's throat, but I couldn't easily reach the throat on much-taller SK, even with a step in. I targeted his jaw a few times, and was enormously pleased to feel five-o'clock shadow hairs; that's how close I was pulling the strike- every time.

SK: (whimpering noise)

Kitsune: "What? Are you okay?"

SK: "You're putting so much power into that strike- and pulling it just in the nick of time."

Kit: "Well, YEAH.....?"

SK: (whimpering noise)

Kit: "AHEM. My control is EXCELLENT."

SK: "If you hit me in the clavicle as hard as you're hitting me in the abs, you're going to snap my clavicle like a twig."

Kit: "Which is why I'm not hitting you in the clavicle as hard as I'm hitting you in the abs."

SK: (whimpering noise)

Kit: "MY CONTROL IS EXCELLENT."


Of course, having said that, the next shot should have broken something. But it didn't. Because my control is excellent. Man, I do love me some Dragon.


Sparring. DD shlepped in at the very end and was watching, and I was very awkward and self-conscious as I always am when he and/or CN are watching. I made a serious conscious effort to mind-over-matter this away tonight, and had a very small success- which is better than no success. I had watched SK spar Nemesis first, and saw that SK was in full-on Snake mode. Nemesis was trying to play Snake's game with the Snake.... foolish boy. I watched him chasing the strikes around and trying to Chi Sau the Chi Sau expert, and reminded myself to not get drawn into playing Snakes with a Snake.

Unfortunately, I neglected to manifest a coherent alternative plan... so I ended up spending way too much time backing off, and I ate a lot of his strikes all the same. I did do a couple of my ill-fated kamikaze lunges in, but they didn't work, of course, and at least I didn't just keep stupidly battering like I used to do. I stayed calm, part of the time. Okay, I'm going to call it progress that I didn't let myself get baited in too much. But next time I need to have a few ideas in mind going in, and press some attacks of my own. I was way too hesitant tonight, and way too easily cowed into retreat once hit.

We also got to hear a new legend about CM tonight. The legend goes- a student kicked him in the groin, and hurt his foot.

I asked, "What do you need to condition for that? Same old bucket of sand?" I got a round of laughter for that one.

Next Sunday is the potluck, so there won't be a class that evening. I'm just as glad of that, since I'm on tap to host Turtle Drum that Saturday, plus it's my work weekend- so by Sunday afternoon, I will surely be very relieved to be able to skip MA and go straight home to bed after work.

Silverdrake has pinged me about the Sacred Hunt- he hasn't asked this straight up yet, but it's looking like he might be asking me to coordinate drumming for the Hunt again. Whooo-whee. I had assumed I was off the hook for that- I'd told Aspen that he was welcome to have the role back this year, and it had sounded like he was planning on it. I wonder what's up with him. I guess I'm up for doing it again; although it's a fair amount of pressure- especially on top of the fact that we are going to be at a brand-new site yet AGAIN this year. The Heralding coordination is going to be a lot of work due to the new site, although I got a pass to bring in Dru as an official third co-coordinator (and she will hopefully be my lieutenant again for the Hunt drumming, if it comes to that). The site is supposedly a lot flatter (which is good) and smaller (good for Heralding, bad for the Hunt). I hope it's not going to be terrible trying to find a site for the Hunt. Just trying to keep curiosity-seekers out is a major PITA, tenfold moreso if the site is too close in.

Three hundred forms

…Their minds are always hyperactive, too caught up in the unstoppable flow of thoughts to pay any attention to the ecstasy dancing in front of their noses. They don’t know what it means to live in a body that doesn’t just serve as a machine carrying the mind from one place to another. -Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path



Lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Bellevue.

Armbar from mount, failed armbar transitioning to triangle, then failed armbar transitioning to a different armbar. I was working with some big brand new white belt, and I had to walk him through everything slow and careful (except the triangle, for some strange reason- he nailed that right off).

A little positional sparring. I told him to be very careful, since he was probably more than twice my weight. He was pretty heavy on top of me in side control, and kept trying gamely to force me into keylocks, which I was able to just barely defend. I got one tap on him (armbar).

Among the not-so-obvious perils of being a motorcyclist: if you are dropping weight for a comp and riding your motorcycle to class, you are assaulted by the scents of cooking from the restaurants along your way. The most eggregious offenders are the Romio's Pizza place on Redmond Way (garlic bread you can smell for a block and a half), The Garlic Jim's on Avondale (same scent, slightly less effective penetration... I think Romio's deliberately sets up an industrial fan right behind their stove), and some bakery on Cleveland that was emitting a pastry smell so lucious that I thought I was gonna pass out.



Evening kung fu. I was thinking it was about time to dial up the complexity of the hand strike drills, and had a couple of personal faves picked out- but then Nemesis, who was in front of me in line- picked the Tai Mantis elbow strike drill. I figured that was enough to Tai the new people's brains in knots for one night, heh heh. So I picked a simple Crane-inspired top fist out of forward stance.

After hand strike drills, we did some roundhouse kicks, then Black Crane one- and two-step defense drills against roundhouse kicks.

JM was drilling with Marcy, and instructing happily away. I'm interested to see whether having some new students in class is going to satisfy JM's tutorial drive and make her lay off *MY* case a little, or if helping the newbies is going to make her settle even more securely into her self-important (and self-appointed) TA role.

I was drilling with JoE, and after a bit, we were comfortable enough to start experimenting with the counters. Eventually he commented, "You're not shooting for my groin tonight... are you feeling okay?" Of course after that, there was a lot of groin-targeting to be done... with sound effects. "PING", "DING", "JING".....

Oftentimes, even after taking a step in, my arm was too short to palm-heel JoE in the head- so instead, I started dropping-elbow striking his leg after I trapped it, then adding a kick to the standing knee (and sometimes a zing to the groin, just to mix it up). SK walked over just in time to see me do a really great upward-hooking heel kick right into JoE's groin, and SK winced and covered his face with both hands.

JoE came up with a nice Dragony throw that used the momentum from my own kick to "encourage" me toward the ground.

A few reps of Five Animals. I noticed that JM was doing a different stance than I was during one technique. Instead of just assuming she was right and I was wrong, and changing my own technique, I asked SK, "Is the left leg supposed to be straight or bent here?" My version turned out to be correct.

There was some discussion of one other technique- I forget the name, something about an ape and a cup. There are three versions of this- the "nice way", the "not-so-nice" way, and the "REALLY not nice way". The latter involves thrusting your supported thumbs through the opponent's throat. I suggested that this would be much more effective if one allowed one's thumbnails to grow out and then filed them into points. Marcy stared at me for a long time. I grinned back at her. Stick around, girl, you'll get used to hearing that sort of thing from me.

SK and I were discussing Tai Chi in the car, and he asked me why I seemed content with half a dozen-ish forms in 7-ish years studying under CK in that MA, yet I was always agitating for more forms in Kung Fu (even though I have some 20 forms in five years). I reminded him that I have not asked for any new material since Hurricane Hands- a year and a half. Before that, though, I had always been whining for more new material.

I first referenced the Gummerson quote that I had sent to him and also posted here recently- about the idea that students get a "high rate of return" on their work while they are first learning a new form. It keeps their interest, it's instant gratification, and once you get the form to about 80% perfection, subsequent gains in skill on that material come much more slowly and need much more effort to achieve.

I also mentioned that CK had told me from the beginning of my time with her that it is common in her Tai Chi tradition to only get one form and work on it for three years. I knew from the outset that I had no hope of squeezing any new material out of her. SK commented, "Note to self.... nurture low expectations."

No, that wasn't quite the whole of it either...... My next thought was, "There's a competitiveness- I see other people learning new forms, and I want to learn new forms too." SK opined that he knows people with twice as many forms as I, who aren't nearly as "far along". Thank you. But you just hit on it: Not being able to evaluate how I'm doing, the number of forms becomes one of the few tangible ways to measure progress. I can't feel secure/content with my progress saying, "I have one form, and I'm incredible at it"; so I grope for security/contentment with "Muah ha ha, I can do THREE HUNDRED FORMS, so I'm the shizz."

(pic- Alecia (in blue))

Sunday evening

We live in an attention-deficit culture. We are bombarded with more and more information… the constant supply of stimulus has the potential to turn us into addicts, always hungering for something new and prefabricated to keep us entertained. When nothing exciting is going on, we might get bored, distracted, separated from the moment. So we look for new entertainment…If caught in these rhythms, we are like current-bound surface fish, floating along a two-dimensional world without any sense for the gorgeous abyss below. - Josh Waitzkin, “The Art Of Learning”




An hour of Competition Class at Gracie Seattle. I was having some contact lens issues, and didn't get on the mat in time for warmups, so I did pushups on the cement. They still hurt some, but I can do them- as long as I do them slow. After about thirty, though, I started to seriously flag. My right shoulder feels weak.

We drilled a gi choke from guard. Grab the tail of opponent's gi jacket and wrap it around the back of hir neck, then pass it to your other hand (thumb up grip). If you've got it nice and tight, it already hurts- and there are a couple of ways to finish, either by grabbing a handful of gi at the shoulder blade or by using the lapel. If the opponent tries to push your arm past when you go for the cross grip, you can switch to an armbar. It doesn't take much; Angela and I found that even if your grips and technique were phenomenally sloppy, we still wanted to tap almost immediately because that fist in the side of your neck hurts so bad. I really enjoy wrapping people up in their gi's!



On to Kung fu.

A few reps of Bung Bo Kuen, a few reps of the piece of Punch-and-Jab that we have so far.

Next piece of the form: You are facing west in left-foot-forward hill climbing stance, right fist extended and left palm against inside of right elbow. Straighten your right hand out and step back with your left foot while you lower the right hand and "wipe" the left hand down the arm. Then left hand bounces back up to palm-heel the chin. Right hand is chambering at waist. Make sure to turn the toe in; as you are now in a right-foot-forward hill climbing stance. Right forward punch, left hand chambers.

Use left hand to reach under right wrist, then a violent pull-apart motion with both arms- right chambers at waist, left is fisted near left hip with elbow slightly bent.

Now a quarter turn to your left (you are now facing north again) as left arm chambers and right arm draws up to ear, then hammer-fist to north at shoulder level.


Apps of that first new piece: the opponent is Mantis-claw-gripping your extended wrist and then Z-locking you. The straightening of the hand and stepping back neutralizes the Z-lock, then you "wipe" the opponent's hand off and palm-heel hir. I have always had a little trouble with the Z-lock; it seems like my hand is too small to comfortably get the correct grip on the opponent's hand. I also want to push everything too high, for some reason. (When I do that, it turns into a different armlock- still works, but not what we were supposed to be drilling.) I repped it on SK till it was working acceptably.

When you are on the recieving end of a Z-lock, it makes you want to go to one knee. I found that if you go to the ground and roll, you can roll out of the Z-lock and come out of the roll in position to thrust kick up into your opponent's groin. In the meantime, though, you are within range of whatever knee strikes and kicks S/HE wants to throw at you.

I used to think Z-lock would be a useful thing to try in BJJ, but you'd really have to have the person immobilized so that they couldn't roll out of it.


A little sparring. Each of us in turn against SK. DD wanted us to spar in one specific animal style- which I begged off from; I'm having quite enough trouble without that extra complication thrown in. With everyone watching, I was again very stiff and anxious.

(pic- Carlos (in white) at the PanAms)

Mousetrap

The 70-80% level of technical excellence can be achieved relatively quickly; however, to attain the remaining 30% or 20% requires a disproportionate amount of time and effort. Tony Gummerson, "Teaching Martial Arts"




Lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Seattle. I wore the dark chocolate gi, and also the skullcap under my Tornado headgear. It was a little hot, but it stayed put.

For the last two days, the pain from my misaligned rib has been dialed down a notch or two, but is still quite prominantly present.

Mila/Mina was teaching. I hoped to get a chance to roll with her, but she had her baby with her- and the baby was very much awake and desirous of attention. Mina is smaller than *ME*- I can't imagine how a baby came out of something so tiny. I wonder how long she is going to be here. I was injured the entire time Fabiana was here, and got to work with her almost not at all. That was a huge bummer. I don't want to miss out on any more chances like that.

Double-legs. Then a simple guard break/pass similar to the one we drilled on Tuesday. Then a lot of positional sparring from closed guard and half guard. I was working with Ben, and when he had half guard, he was doing lockdown on me- ouch! Once he had me stretched out, I couldn't seem to do much.

Note: Mina pointed out that we need to make sure to keep our feet tops-to-the-mat while in front mount, and not stick them out at a 90-degree angle with the insides to the mat. Ben and I were discussing that as well while we were drilling. It is a bad habit of mine. I was going through photos from the Revolution last night, and I noticed three pictures of me in three different scenarios, in which my feet were sticking out like that. I know I'm instinctually doing that to try to brace so I don't get rolled, but there are more ergonomic ways to accomplish that goal that are less likely to get my ankle broken- so I need to try to remember to not do that.

We were being told to switch back and forth very frequently in the positional sparring. At the end, Mina explained that she wants us to focus on 30-second increment- and to realize that we can do a lot in 30 seconds. If we are in a tournament and someone yells at us that we have 30 seconds left, she doesn't want us to figure it's over. In 30 seconds, you can pass guard, you can sweep, you can submit. She wants us to start looking at those small chunks of time as valuable opportunities to act.

A little king-of-the-hill starting from closed guard- pass or sweep only. Luck of the draw gave me a big white belt that I've never seen before. He was in my guard. He was new and clueless enough that I actually managed to hold closed guard for a while by messing with his arms and posture. Then he bench-pressed one of my legs out, and I caught bottom half guard as he tried to pass. I couldn't sweep him- he was too big and my sweeps are still too crappy- but he wasn't getting out, either. After struggling fruitlessly for a long time, he exclaimed, "It's like a mousetrap!" Hee hees. Struggle for another long time. "If I can't get out of your half guard, is it just a stalemate?" "No. You have to keep trying." He was getting tired and frustrated, and I started squirming around looking for sweep opportunities. Then Mina pulled us both off the floor and put us back in the line because we had used almost the entire king-of-the-hill relay time together. So I guess it *WAS* sort of a stalemate. It would have been nice to be able to keep going; I think I could have eventually gotten at least an escape and then dart back in to get positional control. Oh well. He squatted facing the wall, head down, panting. I couldn't tell if he was gassed, or just frustrated, or both.




Thursday evening Kung Fu.

We started with hand strike drills, as usual. I was gratified to see SK incorporate some of my suggestions, including limiting complex strikes to "10 on one side, then 10 on the other" instead of alternating- which I think is good, since it definitely appears that Marcy is not picking stuff up quite as quickly as RM (Nemesis' bro). I definitely do not want to frustrate her and scare her away.

SK walked over to squat beside me and stare intensely at my stance. Eventually he said to me, "Don't get all tensed up every time I come over here!" I should mention that half the time, when SK is coming over to you, it's because he's getting ready to kick you in the groin to ensure that you are doing your press blocks low enough.

Hand strike drills were followed by kick drills. Then a few simple self-defense exercises: Three different defense for a wrist grab, three different defenses for a front "throttle" type choke. I worked with Nemesis on the wrist grabs (Ai yi yi... wrist grabs with Nemesis ought to be on the test for black belt for every martial art on the planet). With RM on the chokes. This is the first time I've worked with him. I can definitely see the dancer in his movements. He's also very educational with the anatomy and physiology facts to toss out in class. Man, is he ever going to be scary as soon as he learns some pokey-type strikes. Not only does he already have an incredibly intimate knowledge- both scholarly and tactile- of the body, but I'll bet he can tell just by watching how you stand and move what your weaknesses and injuries are- just where to target. SK is going to learn a lot of painful tricks from him too, I'll wager.

One of the choke defenses we were doing was a Snake thing wherein you double-Snake-strike the attacker in the armpits and then rebound over to double-Snake-strike hir at the base of the neck. The first time I did it on RM, he almost jumped through the ceiling. "Sorry- was that too hard?" "No, just..... surprising!" I did it to him several more times, and he was cringing out of his skin yet giggling in excitement at the same time. I couldn't help laughing too. He was very intrigued.

One time, after defending his choke, I followed up with a snap kick to the groin. I knew he wasn't expecting anything like that- and my snap kicks are very quick- so I fully expected to hit my target (I was very controlled, of course). He instinctually blocked with such a lightning (and technically correct) motion that I laughed in sheer admiring glee. I said, "You can always tell who in here grew up with siblings!" We both started cracking up then, looking across the room at Nemesis... he and SK looked back at us like we'd lost our minds.


Then SK took the two new people out to work on the Five Animals form while JoE, Nemesis and I sparred. I was in a fair amount of pain, so I was very focussed on keeping it slow and light- and succeeded.

Nemesis got me good with a left ridge hand to the head chased by a right low uppercut to the ribs. I continue to do poorly at defending attacks from two simultaneous or closely-following points (especially if they are on different levels). In this case, the ridge hand was so dramatic and telegraphing that it captured all my focus, and I moved in confidently to fubar it with a Black Crane double knife-hand- I didn't even SEE the uppercut till it hit my ribs. I had not only opened up my ribs by using a high two-handed defense, I had turned my body and moved directly INTO it. I couldn't have HELPED him punch me any more efficiently if I'd tried. All three of us brainstormed on what to do against that particular attack; then we asked SK about it before closing class. SK had another couple of ideas, but he really admired the attack combo. I asked if we could try to incorporate more practice in defending those types of double strikes and one-two strikes. It is a glaring hole in my sparring game.


JM had not been in class again tonight, and in the carpool home- to my complete shock, mortification and dismay- SK announced that he's noticed for quite some time that I display dramatic shifts in my level of presence (I'm paraphrasing), and the only pattern he's been able to discern is the presence vs absence of JM.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Goddam Pisces, again. It floored me to get called out like that, especially since I had *JUST* made the observation here on my training blog last week- "interesting to note how much more at ease I felt in class with JM absent". Delightful to know that I remain a bare half-step ahead of *SK* on the path to decoding my dark twisted psyche.

I honestly had had no intention of *ever* bringing this topic up with him- and it was probably a bad idea to fess up even now- but you know what, don't ask me stuff unless you really want to hear the answer. Anyone who's known me for a decent time ought to know that.

So I told him that because I've known him a long time, and we've discussed some deep stuff- and also because he's my teacher- there are things that I'm okay discussing with him that I just don't want to discuss with other people present. Furthermore, him and his probing Piscean questions- often I find myself discussing things that I hadn't intended to discuss (like **NOW**, would be a lovely example of that), and when the conversation starts to get over the line that I feel comfortable discussing in front of the rest of the carpool, there is no graceful way to extricate myself without rudely informing the other people that I do not want to talk about this in front of them.

I went on to confess (after securing an agreement that he would not repeat this to her) that I feel completely threatened by JM in class, because she is so darn good at everything that it makes me feel- especially as a more senior student- inadequate and insecure about my own work. When I started bitching that she constantly makes corrections on everyone, and when someone asks a question in class, SHE answers it before the teacher can answer- he started chuckling before I'd gotten two sentences out. He told me that I wasn't the only one who had noticed that. I exclaimed hotly that she had corrected HIM- TWICE- right in front of the new student, and that was just disrespectful and wrong. He said that he agreed that was out of line, and had actually already had a little talk with her about that particular incident.

We didn't have enough time on the commute to fully hash this out, and I still feel really ambivalent that it was a good idea to talk about it at all. But he now knows the root source of many class behaviors of mine that I know have puzzled and frustrated him for a long time now- why I never ask questions in class any more, why I have quit asking for help with forms, why I do all sorts of contortions to avoid working where others can watch me, several other things. There are still no easy solutions to this situation. I have developed so many dysfunctional little coping mechanisms to try to protect my too-fragile microscopic little ego from feeling insecure and defensive in the face of JM, I doubt I could rehab myself even if SK grew a pair and told her to quit acting like she's TA'ing the class (which I doubt he will do anyway). But well- for better or worse- he asked, and now he knows. (Hey, how are ya likin' this whole "teaching" thing, buddy? Fun times, huh? By the way, things might stay a little more serene if you would quit asking me freakishly perceptive and invasive questions in the carpool.... just think that over)


Right side of neck is *excruciatingly* painful tonight. It is starting to look like Kung Fu is more harmful on my injury than BJJ- which is bizarre. Maybe it's the striking motions. Next class, I should try to limit right-handed striking. Or maybe I am just generally too tense in that class. Also, I found it very difficult to stay focussed tonight, with that level of pain buzzing in my shoulder.

Sunday

It is time for an athletic philosophy; a philosophy forged through muscles and heart, a philosophy born out of the union of body and mind, of pragmatism and utopia, of sweet sensitivity and a warrior's determination. -Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path



An hour of competition training at Gracie Seattle. The TROPHIES were there- the overall team trophy and the team gi trophy. They're huge, green and gold and glittery. Pretty cool.

Sprawls during warmups again. They are more challenging if you curve your back so that your belly button is on the floor, and look up at the ceiling. Oof. I seemed to do a little better with them today even so. Wonder if I'm getting used to them.

Breaking the turtle, getting hooks in. Lots of this before we even progressed to rolling the person over. Then a bow-and-arrow choke. The quickest way to do this is to grasp the turtle "sash style" with one of your arms OVER theirs and one of your arms UNDER theirs- then you don't have to take time to switch your hands before getting the collar grip for the choke. I was working with Angela. I fought her a little harder than usual because I know she's getting ready for Pan Ams. She seems a little nervous about it, so I gave her lots of verbal encouragement. There aren't a lot of women in her bracket, but there's a (comparative) vast host in the absolute, which she is also doing.

She's lost so much weight, which is great- but I hope she can adjust her game for it. I know that when I lost just 10lb, I noticed. Certain things didn't work the same as before, and adjustments had to be made. She's lost a *LOT* of weight, and a lot quicker, and I don't know how long it's been since she's done jiu jitsu with THIS very different body.

She kept ending every drill rep with an extra little armbar or something... and calling out her points.

On to Kung Fu. When I got there, I found that we had no teacher. SK stayed home with a migraine, CN was unavailable, and DD was nursing LD (who apparently is not feeling any better than she was feeling last time I saw her- ie, roadkill). So JM taught. To my surprise, I handled this okay. It did not send me into a tailspin of bitter, defensive insecurity. I'm not sure if that's because I'm maturing and evolving (which would be good!) or sliding into apathy (which would be bad!). She did a good job, of course. I thanked her nicely at the end.

We did three or four reps each of Five Points Of the Star, Tiger Versus Crane, and Black Crane One. Twice as many reps of the fragment of White Crane Walking the Path (which I was gratified to see that I remembered better than anyone). Then we repped all of the Black Crane drills.

Lastly, apps of the final two Black Crane drills (the long, complicated ones) with partners. I worked number 4 with JM and then with JoE. With JM, I came up with a variation that involved hanging onto the opponent's arm instead of letting it go once you've got hir on the ground and you're kicking hir. It not only kept hir from trying to roll away, it also opened up that whole side rib area for the kicking. JM improved on my variation by suggesting that we grip at the bicep instead of the wrist as I had been doing- it allowed better control as well as making both the transitions (before and after) quicker.

JM complained (again) that my kicks- while not too hard- were always landing in the exact same spot!

When I worked the same drill with JoE, he noted that I was falling in a very different manner as well as a very different position than Nemesis (his previous partner) had. He had to adjust his last set of techniques to account for the position changes. Then he commented that unlike Nemesis, I always fell curled up with my knees between us. I got a good laugh out of that. I wonder why! When he stepped too close, I grabbed an X guard. I still haven't worked with this much, so I'm clumsy. I was also stymied for a moment when I reached for his gi sleeve and he wasn't wearing one. But I moved to Plan B and overhooked his bicep instead, and managed to pull him down and roll him underneath me to bottom side control. He groaned, "I need to work grappling some more!" I heard JM and Nemesis on the other side of the mat, commenting that things had taken a little longer this week to degenerate into jiu jitsu.

Drill 5 had us putting one person in the middle at a time, as there are at least three attackers.

There was a lot of getting back up off the ground after being knocked down for all of these reps- I made sure to always get up with the tactical stand (practicing both sides).

We did a 25 min sitting meditation instead of the usual 15 min. My legs feel asleep and it was hard to get up again. I was also feeling drowsier afterward.



JB has sent me the footage of my two gi fights from the tournament. I haven't decided if I'm going to post them or not. The first one is even shorter than I remember. Not my best work, for sure. I did see how the little weasel finally got me down, though- she did a sacrifice throw! No wonder.

I was surprised to see that I actually got takedown points in the second match. I think there were 3 total takedowns in that one- we kept getting back up. At one point I did the disengage-and-stand-up thing, and I see now by the tape that I had been an idiot to not jump back on her right away before *SHE* could get up as well (or jump back on her WHILE she was getting up).

Another problem I can see already is that I played Rihanna's takedown game with her. I am a little exasperated with myself to see that I am still looking at opponents, seeing them do X, and roaring defiantly, "I am going to meet you X for X!!!" Even if I know I don't do X well. I do that with strong guys- trying to go muscle to muscle with them. In this case, Rihanna was attempting wrestling takedowns- and obviously skilled at them- so instead of playing wrestling takedowns with her, I should have instead tried some takedowns that I'm better at.

I think that at the very beginning of a fight (especially with someone you've never fought before), there's an attempt to scare/intimidate the opponent- to make a powerful first impression. I think my drive to do that reinforces my impulse to prove that my X is stronger than hir X.

I spent a surprising amount of time on top in the second match. She was in bottom half guard (how's that for irony). If I hadn't lost sight of that "watch out for the triangle setup" scrolling ticker at the bottom of my mental screen, I might have been able to beat that girl. Now that I know I actually have the ability to get the H out of bottom half guard, I can hopefully free up enough brain cells to stay focussed on keeping out of the triangle next time.

Need to look at these some more. Leilani claims to have my no-gi match on her phone- but she is having technical difficulties, and as of yet, she has not succeeded in transferring it to computer. So I don't know when I'm going to see that one, or if I ever will. I'd like to see that one.



I spent most of yesterday repotting houseplants. I stole/rescued a neglected and dying aloe from a back room at work about 15 years ago. Someone's obviously put Viagra in my watering can. I now have dozens and dozens and dozens of pots of healthy, beautiful, FECUND aloe (and if I was less lazy and repotted more often, there'd be ten times that much). It's not even funny any more. I have to give some of these plants away. I'm going to be like that obnoxious neighbor who keeps giving everybody zuchini from her garden whether they want it or not... only with me it's aloe.

(pic- Carlos (he's the big one- heh heh) and some of the kids at the tournament)

Back to work

Lindsey's Sunday BJJ class at Gracie Seattle.

We worked on the most basic knee-in-the-butt guard break, then crawling over the thigh to pass. Also, wrapping the gi tail around your opponent's shoulder to imprison that arm so as to more easily escape half guard. Everyone paired up and Sonia and I were left standing there looking at each other... so there we were.

At one point, she mentioned that she'd been wristlocked by Prof Carlos a couple weeks ago and it hadn't been right since. I started laughing and told her that *I'd* been wristlocked by Professor Carlos last JULY and it hadn't been right since. Kaungren was nearby, and he started laughing too, because he has also been a Carlos wristlock victim. Maybe we should start a support group or something. LOL. Carlos does heart him a good wristlock!




Then Sunday Kung Fu. I stood in the window till my classmates were looking at me, then I flashed my jacket open to show off my tournament bling.

SK wanted Nemesis and me to show him what we'd worked on while SK was out of town, so we spent the first half hour reviewing where exactly the attackers are coming from on Five Points Of the Star.

Then SK had us doing various flying kicks, first against a focus mitt and then against the water-base bag. JM excels at these because of her tae kwan do experience. She and Nemesis were knocking the water bag over after about 15 min; me, it took a little longer. Eventually I pulled a muscle in my left calf right behind the knee- the same one that seizes up sometimes during Cindy's frog-jump warmups. I had to stop with the flying kicks.

Sparring. Me and JB first. She hadn't done any of the slow-mo sparring yet. Yes, it did turn into BJJ a few times... although in HERE, you're allowed to bite, tickle, pinch, and punch people in the face (all of which JB gleefully did to me).

Then JB had to spar JM, and I got Nemesis. Sigh. I wanted to see if the multi-strike, centerline, driving, flowing Snake sparring that I had been doing last class could be reproduced, and I was very pleased to see that it could. I tried a few Northern Mantis guard stances because I wanted to see if this was solely a Snake thing... it did end up turning right back into Snake, but maybe that's just because I don't have enough experience yet to transfer it to another style. A Black Crane guard stance spontaneously popped out too. SK teases me whenever I do that. "For somebody who doesn't like Crane....." he always laughs. I kept speeding up- on purpose- because 1)I felt competitive for a change, and 2)I was just excited to explore what I could do in this mode.

Still really, REALLY, liking this groove. I felt in control. I still need to work on keeping both guard hands up- and Nememsis is still consistently nailing me with strikes in which he targets two different levels simultaneously- but I feel like I'm doing a lot better in this mode. Sparring was FUN on Sunday evening. Sparring WITH NEMESIS was FUN on Sunday evening. Stunning. Sparring has not been fun for a very, very long time. I don't think I have ever in my life had a single sparring session with Nemesis that I could call fun. I'm scared to get too cocky too soon, but I'm starting to think I might have had a Level-Up. Oh, that would be so nice. It's been a really long, discouraging time without one.



Monday evening gi BJJ at Cindy's. JB and Peter came, and Alecia was there too. I was able to thank George specifically for drilling those bottom half-guard escapes with me on Friday night.

I couldn't do the warmups because my left calf was still pretty painful. While people were doing warmups, Cindy was shouting out all the medals won at the Revoltion for the applause of all. The kids did great. Cindy even called out Peter's medal, which impressed me, since Peter medaled for her competition. Cindy is so cool that way.

Alecia (with her ankle still wrapped) and I sat on the "cripple's bench" while the others were warming up. I congratulated her again on how well she'd fought against Cornelia. She complained about Cornelia fighting in a white belt BJJ division when she is a judo black belt. I bit my tongue on pointing out that one could likewise object to a high-intermediate-to-advanced level no-gi MMA fighter doing a white belt gi division. The both of them were kinda sandbaggish in that white belt division, and I think they deserved each other.

She was amused to hear that the woman who'd beaten her twice in no-gi was the same one who'd beaten me twice in gi. She said, "They should have just combined us." I didn't reply. "YOU probably don't think so... ha ha." Well, not really. While it would have been good to have a larger field and more matches, did I want to compete against a bunch of women twenty and thirty pounds heavier than I? Not really. Did I want to get beaten an additional couple of times by Rihanna? Well, no biggie, but it seems a bit pointless. Did I want to compete against Alecia? F no. I told her, "I really did not want to have to fight you, Alecia." She sounds like she's a little bitter that she drew some really hard fights while I skated by to medal twice in two shallow divisions. I acknowledge that she had to work a heck of a lot harder to get her two silvers than I did to get my silver and gold, and I also acknowledge that she got the two toughest possible opponents in Cornelia and Rihanna. But the luck of the draw is part of competing. You just never know if you're going to have to fight one person who can't match up to you, or a half dozen people who can beat the snot out of you with one hand stuck in their belt. I'd be ecstatic to see all these divisions fill up with lots of talented, tough women. In the meantime, I'm going to be happy that the luck of the draw this time allowed me to both avoid Alecia, and rake in a buttload of points to boost my teams.

We drilled the knee-in-the-butt guard break again, but this time you put a knee up and crawl over the OPPOSITE thigh. This really mixed me up for a while (you know what a problem I have with my left and my right!). Then a wrestler's cradle using the gi lapel to curl your opponent up like a fried shrimp before you squeeze hir till her back pops, spawl on hir face, and tiptoe around to pass. This was a little complicated for me, and I needed Cindy's patient walking me through it a couple more times. Then a variation where you start the same, but pass around to the opponent's back.

Positional sparring with rotating partners. I got JB and Alecia. I was happy to be able to pass Alecia's guard. I'm sure she'll catch onto gi quickly, so I'd better relish being able to be competitive with her while I can!!

Then short timed live rolls with rotating partners. JB, then Cindy, then JB again. JB and I were starting from standing, which is good practice for me. I really want to get more of that, but I am wary of doing too much of it with people who greatly outsize/outweigh me. I got JB with a tomoe nage (thanks to Ginger for supplying the name of the throw), and teased her that she ought to have known better than to let me get that, since she has been reading my training blog and *knows* that I've been ninja'ing people with that throw lately! Paybacks came, though, in the form of that hideous stacking guard pass (and equally hideous stacking triangle defense) of hers. It's been a long time since I've endured JB's heavy stack. It wasn't any more pleasant than I'd remembered.

JB said that she'd done okay against Alecia in gi, which must have been encouraging, because I know she's afraid of Alecia too (we are ALL afraid of Alecia!!!!). I am trying really hard to talk JB into doing the next Revolution, but she would be in Alecia's, Cornelia's and Rihanna's weight class! She'd be able to avoid them all in no-gi, though, which is her favorite (Cornelia doesn't do no-gi that I'm aware of; and the other two are in intermediate while JB would probably want to start in beginner). She might run up against Cornelia and Alecia in gi, however.

We got to watch Peter spar George, which was quite a battle.

I rolled for a while with Leilani, and swept her a couple of times. She expressed her frustration with sweeps, so I did a little sweeps-workshop with her. I explained the concept of your opponent being a table, of which you need to compromise two "legs" on the same side before you try to sweep to that side. She's still having a little trouble remembering which side to tip towards. She also tends to get too impatient, and thrash fruitlessly instead of taking the extra time to set up the sweep carefully and make sure the opponent can't post. I walked her through a sweep, then I swept her back, and vice versa for quite a while. I hope it helped her out.

Then everyone left, and even Cindy left and let Peter, JB and me lock up after we'd rolled some no-gi. Peter likes to capture your bicep high up on the shoulder and then roll, pulling you helplessly over in a "piggyback" roll.

I could have rolled for hours, but I needed to get home and shot my diabetic cat.


Tuesday lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Bellevue.

Rodrigo is as happy as the cat who swallowed the canary, because we won the team trophy. He did stress, however, that we were going to start training for the next Revoltuion RIGHT NOW. No rest for the weary, sigh. I was drilling with Ben (who won gold in his blue belt gi division this weekend).

We worked a little takedown prep to start. Grab opponent's left gi lapel with your right hand, drop on your left knee with right leg stuck out stiffly- DIAGONAL to opponent so that s/he can't sprawl on your back. Grab behind opponent's right knee, hug it to your chest and stand up, then force hir back a few steps. I need as much takedown practice as I can get. I kinda liked this one, although it hurt my knees, and also I get nervous about any takedown move that has me kneeling with my face near the opponent's knees. Kung fu- as well as accidental BJJ events- have made me wary of being clocked in the face by someone's knee. I got this move pretty smooth, though. The main thing I was trying to focus on was reducing my telegraphing before the drop.

Then escape from back mount. Then clock choke. Lots of gi burn today. Ben kept pausing to pull his t-shirt collar up further on his neck. Every time he did it, I sheepishly mumbled, "Sorry."

Then positional sparring from back mount; choke vs defend the choke. I couldn't complete a choke on Ben, but I think I put up a good fight. When it was his turn, he was on top of me most of the time- I couldn't get out of his mount- but I was good at defending the choke. Especially since I didn't have to worry about the armbar, ha ha.