OK, it's after midnight and officially too late to make any changes on my registration form. No, I did not officially withdraw. Because I still have absolutely no friggin' idea what I am going to do.
At first it seemed obvious that I can't do that tournament. But the more I thought about having to tell Cindy that, the worse I felt. She has put enough into this that she deserves better from me than to flake out like that.
Showing up at the tournament- with my offending duel-status registration intact- is really drawing a line in the sand (and spitting across it) to Carlos, who made it perfectly clear that the duel-rep is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE to him. I cringe at the thought of doing that to him- likely annihilating all chance of reconciliation with him- and also thus quite possibly sealing my fate of getting either frozen out or downright BOOTED out of Gracie Barra.
Also not looking forward to dealing with all this f'ing drama at a tournament.... as if I don't have enough to be anxious about.
Another joyful thought... possibly having to face down Bianca or other Gracie Barra students who may view me as the worst sort of traitor.... face them not just en masse in the venue, but across the ring. Things could get a little too... REAL.
But the idea of going to Cindy and telling her that despite all the time, all the sweat, all the encouragement and positive pep talks, all the organizing to get good training partners to come over and work with me, all the rolling around on her painfully injured knee, all the things she's done for me in the past couple of months because I asked her to help me get ready for this tournament- sorry, it was all for nothing and I'm wimping out two days before the competition because Gracie Barra is acting like a jealous junior-high boyfriend. Woah. Not sure how she'd react, but I know one of the reactions would be *disappointment* in me. Ouch. I don't know if I can bring myself to do that. I owe Cindy better than that.
I really don't know what I am going to do.
JB is supposed to come train with me tomorrow morning- I wonder if she'd be willing to break my wrist or something and get me off the hook. D'you think that if I eat a Supersize Double Quarter Pounder Meal for three meals a day over the next two days, I'd be over my weight limit? And you know, anything could happen on the drive down to Bonney Lake- flat tire, lost map, carjacking........
Keep your head down. Focus on the BJJ itself. Put this drama stuff on hold for until after the tourney. The competition is all that matters. Your opponents will be opponents, not looking for personal revenge or gain, but to compete and win. You can do the same and do your best to win too.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts *I know I'm some random on the internet*:
Look at the way you describe rolling at GB and the way you describe rolling at Cindy's.
I think you've been gravitating one way for a while now. After this tourney, you may want to consider having long talks with the professors at both schools about the situation to suss out what their positions are now that they've had time to think and anger has subsided a bit.
Hello. I don't read your blog regularly and haven't been in this situation, but I have some things to say that will hopefully help based on your last three posts:
ReplyDeleteDon't ignore the situation and hope it resolves itself. It won't. If you want to keep training at GB, you should have a heart to heart with your instructors there, ASAP. I suggest writing them an email or hand delivering a letter before you step on the mat to compete this weekend. That way you will get your point across in full without getting interrupted or emotional on either side or lost in translation.
Tell them explicitly (if I get this correct, I am just reiterating your points of view) that you value their instruction, you didn't mean to offend or deceive them, and apologize for getting emotional the other day when you didn't do what he asked you to do. Mention that his personal and business disputes are his affair, not yours, and you wish to remain neutral. But, also state that as a Professor, business owner, role model and macho guy who teaches people to fight for a living, you expected him (them) to tell you straight up if they knew you were training elsewhere and had a problem with it and not pussy-footed around your questions. He should have known you had the character to do something like put two schools on your registration form, and as the authority figure (jiu jitsu-wise) in this relationship, should have headed this situation off before it happened instead of spitting flames on you after the fact. He didn't. Okay, so this second part is my point of view. But I think it's true. You have to show respect to your instructors in the school. They should earn it. I was taught that it takes more than good technique and athleticism to make a black belt. (Professionalism is one word for it.)
In future, if you haven't already arranged it, one school should award you promotions and the other should just be a place where get extra classes and mat time. (Couldn't you have just not listed a school?)
You decide if this is an appropriate path to take. You could also bail and talk to Cindy, but I definitely think you need to talk to GB before, not after competing. Good luck. -MC.
He should have known you had the character to do something like put two schools on your registration form
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LOL..... that strikes me as really funny!
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(Couldn't you have just not listed a school?)
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Absolutely not. I am training at two schools. I consider myself a student of both schools.... not just a student at A and taking supplemental drop-in's at B. I feel that I owe it to both schools to acknowledge their role in helping me to become the martial artist I am. Leaving one of them off the registration would have been completely disrespectful in my eyes.
I meant not listed either school, and just left it blank. But I think I can tell what your response will be based on what you've already said. -MC
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