I texted CC and RS Friday night instead of calling- so that I wouldn't cry on the phone- and successfully begged off the evening (rescheduled for Monday evening.... not great as far as my work schedule goes- since I'll have to go straight from training to the hospital and work the midnight shift- but hopefully at least by then I'll have my emotional Poop In a Group and be able to focus). I did confess to crying in the locker room, though. They tried to talk me into coming over anyway, just to talk (and watch Jackie Chan movies)- which was nice of them. But I couldn't deal with the drive into Seattle and back, and I had to get up at O'darkthirty in the morning for work anyway.
If I'm only to get one lesson with RS in a two-year span, I'd like to *not* spend it sitting on our asses in CC's foyer, discussing my dreadful inferiority complex and my even more dreadful sparring record. Or worse, crying about it. But if that's what needs to happen, then that's what needs to happen. It's not just a BJJ problem; this is the theme in kung fu as well... work my butt off, continue to be smashed by everyone every day. CC texted that we ought to talk about "what you want out of your training and how you measure success," to which I texted back, "Success: to not get the stuffing beaten out of u by every single person you ever spar with"
I also refrained from going to Cindy's no-gi class.. too bad since both JB and JM had asked about rides. I don't want to work with either of them right now. There is no good outcome to that scenario. If they beat me, I'll feel even worse... if I end up taking out my frustration by turning around and smashing THEM, that would be a tragedy. I do not do that to people; I hate it when people do that to me, and I will not be that person.
Tonight- Women's self defense class at Gracie Seattle. Some women actually showed up today (besides me). I still got one roll with Lindsey before we began, so that was good.
Another blue belt man was there, not sure if he was a buddy of Lindsey's or what... but when we lined up, that guy came over and stood between Jeff and me. (Jeff- two stripes, me- one stripe, this guy- none.) I didn't say anything. When Rodrigo sees people do that, he pauses the whole class while he shuffles students into their rightful place in the food chain- I mean, line. Lindsey tends to like formality in his classes (he makes those of us who train BJJ- as opposed to the women who come in JUST for the self defense class- gi up and line up in rank order), so I figured he'd do the same. But he didn't. So I thought, "Okay, if that guy does that again the next time we line up, I am going to very pointedly step around front of him and put myself on his right!" But by the next time we lined up, he had wandered away... so it became a nonissue. (Given my choice, I'm just as content at the end of the line... I feel no need to lord it over people... but it irritates me when people PRESUME, like they're making a point of refusing to acknowledge that I outrank them. Disrespectful and rude. Anyone at blue belt level ought to to know better.)
After warm-ups (Lindsey likes to do about 130 jumping jacks, and make us run around and around the mat), we had an attacker grab the shoulder/lapel, and a defender overwrap the arm and step in. That was enough to occupy the newer women for a while. I was working with one of them first. Part of the reason I don't like having to gi up for this class is that I am not comfortable with being put in the role of helping teach... but that woman kept asking me tons of questions... which I became more and more willing to answer once she started asking questions about the BJJ school. I'm always looking to encourage more women to join.
Anyway, I felt fairly comfortable with this technique, since it is familiar to me from both BJJ and kung fu- so I felt okay making minor corrections (since she kept asking). Her arm wrapping was good- but she was not stepping in close enough, nor keeping a solid balanced stance.
Next round, I ended up with Jeff. Now in addition to the arm wrap, we were bracing the opposite hand against the opponent's neck and framing up. Then we advanced to grabbing the back of the neck and controlling the head, pushing it downward. Since I could be rougher with Jeff, I started adding knees to the belly/groin, and yanking his head down into my knee. He got out some pads so that I could hit him for real. One important detail- continue to "frame up" and push the head back slightly after your knee strike, to keep the attacker from crowding in on you too close for get your strikes in.
After that I had to bail and head off to kung fu.
JaE was there, which is always a happy thing. CN was also there... we haven't seen him for months. Unfortunately, CN and DD took JaE off into the back room and were closeted in there doing secretive things for most of the class. Sigh.
The rest of us did some Leopard Fist and some Snake Versus Five Animals. I did not even attempt the armlock on Nemesis- just went straight for the armpit strike. The armlock worked fine on JM. The fact that I tend to thrust her violently to the mat on this technique, after the frustration of not being able to make it work on Nemesis, is why I am hesitating to do any BJJ with the girls right now. I don't like myself when I catch myself going rougher on the girls because I'm frustrated at other people. (Actually, I'm frustrated at mySELF, but regardless, it is still no excuse for taking it out on the girls.)
Kiu Two.... more work on the sweep. JM and Nemesis are looking markedly better this week- their sweeps are nice. Me- still struggling. DD wants me to stop at just past 180 degrees and make sure I am facing my foot with the toe curled in. Entire body sort of hunched up and coiled. Then turn and "unscrew" up into front stance. That made a big difference, but I still need a lot more practice.
Practice on the strike sequences at the end of both part A and part B. One deep hissing breath, not huffing at each strike nor hissing from the mouth or throat- the breath is still coming from the diaphragm. More obvious on the parry/pullback at the end of Part A. I am still not fully extending the strikes and letting them rebound back- especially the middle one.
No bending forward at the waist during the deep front lunge... remain upright.
Kick sequence on part B... once again failing to fully extend. Must remember that you're aiming to take out the REAR leg, so you have to commit. Then it REBOUNDS back and moves immediately into the turn. If I can remember the extension, I can get the rebound.
Poor SK can't even unscrew the cap on his own water bottle, with that plastic splint on his arm. We did some brainstorming on possible modifications... a row of spikes on the distal side would be cool.
(pic- that's Lindsey)
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