After making an error, it is so easy to cling to the emotional comfort state of what was, but there is also that unsettling sense that things have changed for the worse. The clear thinker is suddenly at war with himself, and flow is lost. - Josh Waitzkin, “The Art Of Learning”
Lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Bellevue.
Carlos seems to have his Happy Thoughts back this week, fortunately. Rodrigo, on the other hand, looked like something the cat dragged in- pale and ragged. I think he's sick.
Double-leg to guillotine to arm-over-the-shoulder defense and takedown. I did one or two guillotines on Kelly, and then she suddenly started to cry.
"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" "I'm okay, I'm okay..." continuing to cry. Okay, emotional meltdown triggered by guillotine. I'm cool with this. Give her a minute to pull herself together, then ask if she's okay to continue, assure her that she doesn't have to do these if it's too much. Carlos came over to see what was going on; I said, "She's okay, just give her a minute" "She's NOT okay, ees crying." Surely he knows me well enough to know that I wasn't roughhousing her. She obviously didn't want to have an encounter session about it at the moment, so I got rid of him, and she pulled it together enough to continue. I went light and made sure she got to do the attacks on me first.
Escape from headlock by pulling the elbow to the mat and then turning belly-down to take the back. Then some positional sparring from headlock. Switch partners. Now I had John, who was going a little bit hard and heavy (especially for my rib), but not so much that I had to ask him to lighten up.
Timed roll with Dave. He tapped me in about ten seconds with an armbar. Sigh. Restart... he tapped me in about twenty seconds with a leglock. What is it with everybody wanting to leglock me lately? After that one, I ramped it up a bit, and was able to be a little more competitive- but I am no match for Dave!
Then John again, and this time I did ask him to be a little light on my rib. I couldn't do a whole lot against him, but I did confine him in my half guard for most of the roll.
Carlos tried to talk to Kelly again before she left, but she still did not want to talk. Before I left, he sat on the wall with me and we had a language-challenged conversation in which he told me (I think) that she has broken down crying in class five times. I tried to tell him that she might have had something bad happen to her in the past, and that he shouldn't push her too hard if she doesn't want to talk about it. He feels that he should push because needs to know what is going on when someone is crying on his mat- that is his responsibility. I can see that in a way... he knows I wouldn't have been roughhousing her, but if she'd been drilling with some new white belt, he wouldn't know if he needed to rip that guy a new one for being too rough. I just hope he doesn't push her enough that she won't want to come back. Whatever it is, if she keeps coming back after breaking down on the mat five times, she's already being pretty brave to keep facing it.
(pic- Bianca (in the lavender))
When I first started jiu-jitsu, I would cry at least once a week during or after class. There were a lot of difficult things I was dealing with at the time, both with the training, and with issues outside of the dojo. I was always mortified when it happened, and I didn't even want anyone to notice, let alone make me talk about it. My advice is show her you care, but let her deal with it in her own way and time.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've seen it before, which is why I didn't get too wound up about it.
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