I'll never forget....

To achieve an elite standard of personal performance usually requires a fair amount of natural ability, motivation and commitment. It does not follow that an elite martial artist also has the ability to pass those skills on to others at all levels. In fact, the opposite is usually true. To become an elite performer usually means that the student has natural ability and therefore learns skills quickly and easily. A great degree of self-motivation and commitment is also required and such performers generally find little difficulty in applying themselves to the rigors of training, grading and competition. Since very few students achieve such high levels of performance, too often a coach does not understand the needs of these "lesser mortals" who are in fact the majority. When one looks at specific groups such as junior, female, male, elderly, competitive, aggressive, shy, introverted, or combinations of these, many martial arts coaches in the past have been- to say the least- underprepared.    Tony Gummerson, "Teaching Martial Arts"


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Friday:
I read a book that basically gutted me. Have you ever read a book in which the sadist- I mean the author- makes you totally fall in love with a character and then tortures that character with an endless litany of events that are a thousand times worse than death? Till you're almost hoping the poor sap just buys it, but you don't think you can handle that? I read a *LOT*, and this is only the second book that has made me feel like that to an extent that it made me feel actually traumatized. In addition, I've only read 4 books in my life in which a character death has made me cry. So this was a double-slam. And it was book 3 in a series, so I was already in love with the character by the start of book 3... there was no lead-in or warm-up, she started torturing my poor dear on page 1 and didn't stop till the epilogue. I didn't really want to read book 3, because by the end of book 2 I knew there was absolutely no way this was going to not end in savage and bitter heartbreak... but I couldn't bear to not find out what happened.

I know this is partly because I've had a difficult week and incredibly little sleep, but I'm feeling really gutted and raw right now.
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Thursday:
Lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue. Standing guard pass drills to KOB to start. These squat-heavy techniques are hard on me and John, especially at the beginning of class, when it's THIS hot, and when it goes on for about five years. Prof. Herbert had the timer set to ding every twenty seconds, so every twenty seconds we would stop, panting, and look pleadingly at him- but he made us keep going.... and going.... and going.....

Same thing, only starting from spider guard. When opponent straightens one leg, you step on the thigh of the OTHEr (bent) leg and pass to that side, yanking both the leg and sleeve as you move into KOB.

Same thing yet again, but now instead of KOB, paste the top of your foot to the opponent's shoulder blade and place the other one over hir neck. Armbar. This was a classic Herbert move- he likes these things where he gets his strong, short legs in there and hooks his toes all over you and plasters himself to you like a leech, then subs you to death. As usual, what works well for him seems to be working well for me, although of course he does it about a zillion times faster and more gracefully. But I was already nicely set up to segue into this, as I had been setting up a bit of a straight armbar while doing the KOB.

A little positional sparring from spider guard.

Sparring with John, then Ed. Ed ankle locked me about ten times in a row. He looks like he could be doing his taxes while he tools me.
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Evening in Bellevue:

Luis is injured and specifically asked me if I would work with him. I know this is mostly because I am tiny, but I do like to think there's at least a LITTLE aspect of me being trustworthy and safe for the injured to work with. He did, however, bring up that time I ran over to him while he was lying on the mat and dropped into front mount and apparently did not catch myself QUITE as high on my knees as I had intended- he moaned like he was dying, and I felt AWFUL.... that happened about 3 years ago and I'll never forget it- but I was really hoping that he had!!!! No such luck!!! I asked him if he still loves me anyway, and he said yes.

He let me do more than my share of the drills, since they were hurting his injury... although he had to tell me several times to be heavier (I was trying to be gentle on his injury). When he admonished me to be heavier in N/S, I whined that I was trying to not smother him with my enormous belly. He laughed for a really long time when I said that.

"Around the world" flow drills: side control to scarf to N/S to scarf to side control, etc etc. At the end, we did some front mount as well. Luis suggests using my forehead heavy on opponent's belly in N/S. It was quite immobilizing when he demo'ed it on me.

N/S, pull both of your opponent's gi tails under hir armpits and snug them in as tight as you can. If s/he is wiggling around, it actually makes this easier than if s/he is just lying there. Then hop up to your feet and step forward so that you force opponent into a sitting position. There should be very little pulling involved, unless you really WANT to work that hard for some reason. Sit back down in back mount and squeeze opponent between your knees. Grab for the choke immediately. When s/he goes to defend the choke, sink the hooks in and immediately roll to the side (NOT to your back, and make sure you pick the correct (pillow) side).

Everyone has been asking me if I've had a chance to work with Amy (Dex's wife, blue belt, professional MMA fighter), and she was there tonight, it's the first time I've ever seen her. I would have liked to spar with her, but not in the shape I was in at that juncture. She has a big-deal fight scheduled next month and is training very seriously right now, and I was way too tired at that point to be able to press her.

Sweat angels

The type of physical awareness we have and the kind of relationship we maintain with our bodies influence our personality  at least as much as the kind of books we read.
-Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path




My right heel has been hurting for several days. Since it began the day after a midday workshift during which I was on my feet all day and wearing less-than-perfect shoes, I assumed it was just that. But now it's been several days, and it hurt quite loudly when I first got up today. So now I'm Googling plantar fasciitis and getting all anxious. The last thing I need is another chronic physical condition that's going to make it harder for me to do jiu jitsu!! CK complains enough about her P.F. that I'm pretty sure it is something I do not want.

Thursday evening at Bellevue.

All spars. I notice in the last six months that "all spars" day is more intense- in spite of my size, when I'm at Bellevue or Seattle I get paired almost exclusively with purples-and-up (plus a couple of odd blues who OUGHT to be purples- Ron, Marcelo, Glenn, I'm looking at YOU). Doing several spars in a row with all purples-and-up will take it outta you, for sure.

After much frustration and nearly giving up, I dove in and started completely over with the antlered headdress. Hallelujia, it worked this time. It's not the most comfortable thing I've ever had on my head, but I think it will be bearable (ought to wear it around the house for a few hours straight to make sure). I ended up ditching the Cliff Keene and the fur, and using the coated wire with plastic ivy and a lot of zip ties. There are a few charms hiding here and there amongst the ivy- wing, key, dragonfly, Chinese fortune coin, citrine, garnet, chestnut, drum token.

4 pounds down, 12 to go as of Friday.
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Saturday: Heel still hurts. I feel like the Little Mermaid- fated "to have every step feel like walking on knives". It's not really that severe as of yet, but enough to change my gait. It worries me, since I didn't really *do* anything to myself to precipitate this. I'm picturing trying to Herald in this condition next month- that would suck mightily. I had been planning to make a point of trying to do a little more of my own heralding this year. It's so nice to have good workers, but I do kinda miss the grunt work.

Kindle Adventures: I have discovered that most of Andrew Lang's "colored fairy" series of old fairy tale books are free on the Kindle. I downloaded all the free ones. I read many of these in the library as a kid, and I have a few of the dead-tree ones. These little stories are nice bites to read before bed or in a grocery line.

I have also found that there are several collections of book excerpts and teasers that are presented in batches as free downloads. This is nice- I like a chance to browse authors that I'm not familiar with, with no commitment. Unfortunately, I downloaded a shapechanger novella that turned out to be a **Harlequin**- now the commercials on my Kindle are all for bodice-rippers, LOL. Annoying, but at least I won't be tempted to spend money.

The library Kindle books I want all have waiting lists. I was, however, able to reserve a Stephen King novella on DVD. He has a few that were never released in print, and I don't have them. I'm excited to get this one, which- ironically- is about a guy who just got his first Kindle.... and mayhem ensues. I'm listening to it in the car.
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Following Thursday. Still with the heel pain, although I have not been in class for a week and have also been thoughtful about what shoes I wear. Worried.

Thursday lunchtime in Belle. All spars. Also- Carly got her blue belt!

I had a really good practice today. I had no plan to participate in "Operation Be More Aggressive"- although Lord knows I could use it- and Leslie wrote a a post about it the other day that had me checking and rechecking the blog header to make sure I wasn't reading my own writing. I can't stick to any sort of "plan" during spars because as soon as I engage, my brain fills up with white noise and I can't think.

Yet the concept may have been crawling around in the back of my neurons somewhere, because I was pressing everybody harder than usual. I was able to be more conscious about choosing, securing, keeping, and using grips than normal. I was also more mobile and spent less time in Clench-N-Cling (tm), less time parked in defensive positions while allowing my opponent to ponder and then set up an attack. Mostly stayed on top. Spent a bit of time in turtle and under back mount, but always got out.

 I had all colored belts, and I was competitive with all of them today. Got subbed a few times, but *I* also got a few taps (a rarity). I went pretty hard on Carly, but hope I adequately communicated that I was doing so out of respect.

Went with Frasier twice. He was using strength a bit, but is also decently technical. I think I would have started getting discouraged (and thus less dynamic), except that he was panting like a terrier- which told me that he was tired. After the spar, I suggested that he try to moderate his breathing (suggested the same to Hedge, who was complaining about his cardio). The second time I went with Frasier, I said, "I don't wanna hear any huffing and puffing during this match." He answered, "Yes, coach."  ;)

Hedge told me that I felt like a sack of rice parked on his ribs. I was quite pleased.

You know it's been a good class when you line up to bow out and the whole mat is covered with sweat angels.

Have been doing well with the diet (which pleases me, as I have spent too much time at home sitting on my ass with the Kindle in my hand this week... at least I wasn't feeding my face while I was doing that), a little less well with the soda. Bobbing up and down between 136.5 and 138.5 all week.
 

What Ron wants me to do

As conscientious martial artists, we must be fully aware of the power we hold
over those underneath us. Lower ranks look up to and often too lightly lionize
those of higher rank. The reality is that the more advanced have been practicing
for longer, started earlier, and nothing more. In the eyes of the new student,
though, particularly the young one, these people may as well be superheroes
with powers they cannot fathom possessing. More than knowledge, these more
advanced students hold the power to control others, harming or not harming,
assisting or ignoring them as they see fit. Even if it isn’t discussed, that is a
deeply primal thing in the mind of a person. It is not to be abused. –Ryan Hall


Tuesday evening Advanced class, Belle.

Tone was back tonight. I didn't get to work with her today. She did two classes yesterday. I hope she doesn't burn herself out or get injured. She still seems very enthusiastic.

King Of the Hill from mount. Then rotating spars.

Ross is getting very good. He tapped me twice.

Crisanne stuck her head right up into my favorite collar choke. I cheerfully throttled her and told her to never do that again. Otherwise, she was doing quite well.

With Ron:
Kitsune: "I can tell you're trying to bait me into passing your half guard on the right. I've been rolling with you too long, Ron. At this point I'd rather stay in a shitty position than do *anything* you want me to do." Rolling with Ron continues to feel like trying to balance on top of a golf ball on your heel. Blindfolded. On ice.

I worked with a tall white belt guy with whom I spent almost the entire time gripfighting, with a few interludes of me grabbing closed guard and trying vainly to sweep him. He had good base, good choke defense (as I told him). He kept repeatedly apologizing for not knowing what he was doing, and for just being defensive, and for his percieved suckage. I hope he believed me when I told him he has nice basics and he's doing great, that he should just keep doing what he's doing.

I got an omoplata on a blue belt, which I'm pretty excited about. That's not a sub I get very often. I don't get *any* sub very often, especially on a colored belt, but when I do it's usually a choke. He made me work for it. He was trying to summersault out of it, but I grabbed his gi and hung there, and kept tightening it up till he tapped.

Casey nagged me about my belt. I have't been back to Seattle yet, and I wanted to look for it myself before having to buy a new one. But I asked Cindy to look for it last week, and she didn't find it. I went ahead and ordered a new one online tonight, but it will take a while to get here. Casey told me I'd have to start going into the basics class. Good Lord, does he think that's a punishment? He doesn't know me at all, does he?

I now have a King County library card. I apparently have to physically go to the library and show them ID before I can borrow Kindle books. By searching free Kindle books on the web, I found a couple of really old and fairly short ones that count as "reasearch": One on old Chinese religion and one of old Chinese fairy tales.

I have a Kindle.

There are things that cannot be caged within the limits of geographic or racial boundaries. They are paths open to anyone whose heart beats for something more than simple inertia. -Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path


There is no jiu jitsu in this.



Thursday:

Form Of the Day: Dance Of Life

The antlered headdress is nearing completion. I enjoy arts and crafts, but this project has been difficult. Many expensive and time-consuming misadventures. I'm not thrilled with the way it turned out- it's not what I'd envisioned. I'm not sure if I should just go with it, scrap it and start over, or scrap it and give up.

One of the ER nurses came down last night to use my glucometer docking station, and saw all my fur and velcro and glue and sewing crapola spread all over. "Oh, what are you making?" "Errr....." I danced around for a while, but she was not letting me off the hook, and kept asking more questions.

If I'm absolutely cornered on such matters, I'll say that I'm "into some Native American stuff"- that doesn't tend to get the sort of recoil (or subsequent gossiping) that the P word often produces. At that point, it came out that she is somewhat familiar with the drum community- she has been to Flute Quest. So I invited her to Turtle Drum. ;)

Since I'm having to sew anyway, am taking this opportunity while my glue dries to detail my tactical scrub pants. What are tactical scrub pants, you ask? People who tend to carry around knives, guns, flashlights, cans of pepper spray, and other such goodies appreciate a nice cargo pant. I found some great cargo scrub pants with about a jillion pockets. I bought them in five different colors. All they need is a few stitches here and there to create a "pocket-within-a-pocket" so that my flashlight (on the left) and my pepper spray (on the right) remain upright and easy to grab. I hate it when the cylindrical paraphernalia in my pockets turn sideways. You have to readjust your pants before you can sit. The flashlight turns itself on, and burns batteries. If I needed to grab one of these items quickly, I'd have to fumble an extra moment to figure out which end was which. I like it when everything is exactly in place.

I'm hungry. And grumpy. But I'm being very good.
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Friday:
Cake in the break room. This Little Piggy Had None.
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Saturday:

I have a Kindle.

I confess this with mixed emotions. It has always been very important to me to not submit to being on an electronic tether. I only got a cell phone three years ago- and the only reason I succumbed to THAT was because my housemate cancelled the household landline in the middle of my hunt for a new job after being laid off. All of a sudden I figured out why no prospective employers were calling me back- because the phone number on my resume was disconnected. Getting a cell at that point was an emergency measure (after killing the housemate and hiding the body). I got (and still have) one of those no-frills ones that you have to load with minutes from cards bought at the supermarket. I do not carry it. I keep it in the car and check it every few days. I do not have an iphone, ipad, ipod, tablet, or any of those types of objects. I bought a used laptop last year just so that I could work on my book, and get on the internet when I was at the hospital overnight (they have Net Nanny on their wireless (doesn't that suck?), but it's a less restrictive version than is on the work computers).

One of my other housemates has some of the same literary tastes as I, as well as considerably more disposable income than I- thus I have fallen into the habit of letting him buy new releases of the authors we both like, and then I borrow the book from him when he is finished. When he got an e-reader, I was like, "Well, crap. Then you won't even be buying the new Wheel Of Time book, huh?" He- being a huge Geek, now has no fewer than FOUR e-readers. He loaned me one to read the Sanderson book on. I was hesitant but game. I like having a book in my hands, I don't like electronic gadgets, but I don't have twenty seven bucks burning a hole in my pocket for a hardcover new release.

Mixed reaction. Paging back through trying to find a reference from earlier in the story is a pain. Likewise, when I wanted to peek at the final chapter to see if so-and-so was really going to croak, that was a pain. I suspect this type of thing will be easier eventually when I learn how to navigate (I'm a slow learner with electronic gadgets; one of the reasons I don't care for them much). Having to plug it in to recharge was a pain- but the battery did last most of a work shift. (Another reason I don't like gadgets- having to keep track of how much juice everything has and remembering to keep constantly plugging shit in; and having batteries die all the time.) I could fit the device in my scrub top pocket (try that with the newest Wheel Of Time hardback- ha ha). I could also read it in bed. Reading in bed is a luxury that I have forgone in the last two years due to lighting difficulties.

Housemate bought me a Kindle Paperwhite. I would never have bought something like this for myself. (I did, however, use birthday money from my mom to buy a cover for it so that I would be less likely to break it).

I come from an era when dinosaurs roamed the earth and when you wanted something, you had to drive your car from store to store looking for it (and with a decent probability of never finding it for all your effort). We also paid for things with cash or personal checks. There was a visceral component to surrendering your hard-earned money. It took more effort.

Nowadays, you can get on the internet and find ANYTHING you want in minutes- even if it's on the other side of the planet. Internet shopping is great for being able to get exactly what you are looking for, but a Bad Thing for anyone with impulse control issues or an extremely limited budget. We buy with cards- or, in the case of online purchases, you don't even need that much. You can spend a hell of a lot of money in a hell of a short time without feeling like you really did it.

Now I can get a book in my hand (so to speak) in literally under a minute. I was somewhat disquieted to learn that I don't even need to buy the Kindle books on my desktop, and I don't even have to have the Infernal Device plugged into the computer *or* the wall- I can get a book in my hand in less than a minute from almost anywhere, with wireless. Gods help us. I feel like Mickey Mouse in the Sorcerer's Apprentice, when everything started to get out of control.

A colleague informed me last night that I can borrow some Kindle books from the library.

Also prominent in my mind is my upcoming annual PSG trip- which involves an all-day plane trudge each way, for which I normally purchase and pack half a duffle bag full of books. They take up a lot of room, and are heavy. Not so a Kindle. I also won't need to disturb my seatmates.... I always take a red-eye east, and always feel guilty when I turn the overhead light on to read while everybody else on the plane is trying to sleep.

I'm somewhat worried that a Kindle addiction will cause my already-agonizingly-slow work on my own WIP to grind to an utter halt. I read a little on the Kindle last night (I've bought one book on it so far), and then made myself work on my book for a few hours.