Friday evening

"I've had 56 students win gunfights in the past 5 years.  I also had two students that died because they were unarmed when they were attacked.  Carry your f***in gun." - Tom Givens (Rangemaster)


OMG, Jen Jen Jen. This needs to stop. This ritual leadership team needs to break up due to irreconcilable differences. I had intended to perform my small part for next weekend's event and then just stop answering her e-mails and fade away... which would leave the door open to at least show up and participate in a non-facilitating way once in a while. But it has become clear that she ONCE AGAIN did not like what I did at the last event, even though it worked just fine,  and now she wants to vet my piece beforehand. She disguised this as a general message to everyone that "We don't want to do (fill in the blank with what I did last time). Let's all post our ideas so that we can be all goal-aligned." So almost everyone posts except me.... since I'm still trying to figure out how the hell to deal with her shit without getting pulled into a dysfunctional drama scene, and I also still have about .02% doubt that this may be *my* problem because I apparently have no ability to function in ritual nor gauge accurately whether things worked or not nor take constructive criticism... and she posts another general message going, "Okay, the only one who hasn't chimed in yet is Kitsune....." then again this morning with, "I'm freaking out here, those who haven't posted their ideas yet PLEASE DO SO". Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, this is the biggest event of the year and you'd think she'd have enough to do without having this much time and energy to ride my ass. Over a very tiny role, which is not going to make a difference in anything even if she hates it. I don't want to be one of those people who causes a drama scene (or worse- bails) a week before a huge event, but I've about had it. This is nuts.

I mounted a pole in my basement gym to dry my gi's on. When I first moved in here, I looked at the shower in the laundry room and thought, "Sweet, I can hang my gi's right there on the shower rod to dry." Well, turns out the air flow sucketh in there and they take about a week to dry.... which is not a huge deal, except the condensation is such that I'm worried it's going to get all disgusting in that room if I keep doing that. I'm not sure the air flow and drying time are going to be much better in the basement proper, but I hope so. I'm going to mount a second pole on the porch so that I can dry them out there when the weather permits.

Friday evening BJJ in Bellevue. I got there early and had a long, thorough stretching session, followed by a few reps of the Tai Chi short form. Then Five Animals. Then Leopard Fist. I have not done any forms of any kind for, like, a year. I don't know how I feel about it. It stirred some things. Some good, some bad.

KOtH, sweep vs pass. There was an awkward moment right that the beginning when Prof Herbert tried to pair me up with Sauleh. There were only about 8 of us total in there, so having Sauleh in there with KoTH meant a lot of extra wall time for me. Irritating.

Brandon has his purple belt. He continues to get bigger- and better.

A few spars. Lance first, ha ha. He was nice, and let me simply run a sub clinic on him. I also got a turn with Herbert, which was awesome if exhausting. It was very flowy. I tried really hard to flow. I think I made a decent showing of myself.

Saturday

Sign above toilet at Bothell school: "Hope your aim is better when you fight!"

Saturday BJJ at GB Sea. There were half a dozen women in there today! When we separated into groups for positional sparring, we were able to make an all-female group.

Lots of positional sparring. Then a roll with Kelly, who was on top the whole time. Then a roll with Ron. I actually got a few chokes on him- and any tap you get on Ron, you EARNED- so it's exciting the rare time I get any. He commented that the gi-and-forearm chokes appear to be my "bread and butter". He tapped me several times as well, of course.

Then I had a meeting with Tasara. As happened the last time we tried to discuss Turtle Drum leadership issues, we spent a great deal of time talking AROUND the problem spots. I wonder why she intimidates me so much. I agreed to commit to leading some more (if my work schedule ever allows).

I am tempted to take one of Tasara's shamanic journeying classes, but I'm scared of getting confirmation that I'm just not capable. I'm such a control freak. I have only journeyed once, and it was an accident.

Ambivalence

    Fisher had tried to enter the hole in the clouds six or seven times- but kept finding
herself back in her body, the bamboo raft pressing impassively against her
shoulderblades.   –The Hole In the Clouds




Thursday and Friday: Walk to work and back.

Saturday lunchtime BJJ, GB Sea. I only had enough get-up-and-go for the first of the two back-to-back classes.  I also was late again (third time in a row)! I don't have a good excuse for today. I really need to get my act together. Fortunately, I can jump in and function without a stretch out or warm up. The only things I really *need* to stretch out for are things like  flying spinning kicks and vigorous crescent kicks.

Standup: single leg setups.

Opponent has you in hir closed guard. You place hands on hir belt, turn one knee out and the opposite foot (toe loaded) out. Stand up. Opponent slides down your body and takes del a Riva guard with unhooked foot on your hip.

Now you grab the ankle of the foot that is planted on your hip (let's call it your left hip) and slam the sole to the mat. Hold it there while you ram your right hand between opponent's knees. Drop your left knee to the mat right against opponent's hip. Glue your left shoulder to opponent and put on weight. Keeping your right hand on the mat, crawl it toward opponent's head. Kick your trapped foot free, and complete transition to side control.

Saturday means many reps.

I told Angela that I love working with her, and feel that I always learn a lot when I do. It's important to verbally appreciate your good training partners.

I bought a used GB gi off a dude on Jiu Jitsu Forums. It is almost identical to my old blue GB gi, but there are a couple of minor patch differences. Casey noticed immediately, and asked if I had a new gi. I told him I found a used one, wondering what his reaction was going to be (I don't know if the school is getting kickbacks for selling these gi's, or have quotas, or what- but I figured he'd be annoyed that I hadn't surrendered my credit card). He didn't comment. Prof Carlos noticed too, and said that he was happy to see that my gi was "nice and blue" today. I answered that I was happy he approved.

Black-belt-Lindsey was there, and I was so happy to see him- it's been a while. I jumped on his back and RNC'ed him during a break, and then we rolled around for a few minutes. Blue-belt-Lindsey also jumped on my back and RNC'ed me. I didn't throw her this time- I said, "Didn't you learn your lesson yet??!?" I jumped on Cindy's back and choked her. I did not choke Rodrigo, but I did get a hug from him.
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Dru, when I ran my proposed Hunt role shift past her and Derek: "Kitsune, do you remember when Drake asked me to lead the drumming for the Hunt at Ravenstone and I felt blindsided by it? You said to me, "He wouldn't have asked you if he didn't think you were ready for it." The same applies here, so I'm quoting you to you."

I don't know whether to be more touched by her faith in me, or by the fact that she took my advice so to heart to remember it, follow it, and then years later quote me back to me.

Bo:  "...I was in contact with SilverDrake.  He knew who I was considering.  But did not want to offer his opinion until I chose because he did not want to influence me.  The night that I sent you the original e-mail I contacted him again and asked who it was that he thought was right.  He had chosen you as well.  Yet another reason that I believe spirit is offering this to you."

That's encouraging- and sobering- why was this so obvious to everybody when it never even occurred to me? Dru's and Derek's blessings means even more to me, though. They know the Hunt, and they know *me* better than Bo or SilverDrake do.

The main reason I've been dragging my feet is that I love- passionately love- drumming for the Hunt, and I passionately love leading the drumming for the Hunt. It's the high point of my year, there's nothing like it, and the thought of not doing it makes my soul weep. That part is selfish, but I don't apologize for it. It's also a lot of hard work, and I know that I serve my community well in the job.

I'm sure that assistant Huntmaster/mistressing would have its own fun, challenge, and spiritual growth. Cross-training is always a good thing (for both an individual and the team) for multiple reasons.

I'd like to try it. Who knows, I might like it even better. Or I might not like it, or we might find that I have no aptitude for it. Won't know unless we try, huh? I'm up for the challenge. Geez, it's going to hurt to not be drumming, though.

I've joked to Derek and Dru in the past about how Herald Camp is slowly and insidiously taking over the Hunt. I've really enjoyed (and counted on)  the way the three of us have worked together- both on practical and energetic levels- for years, and I think that's been a really good thing for the Hunt.  Now we're going to have one of us in each of the three major coordination roles. I'm excited about that. I think that could be unbelievably awesome.

Also, the coordinating team is 3/4 women this year. The Hunt started out pretty male-dominated, so that's kinda cool as well. I'll really miss Harry (who is on hiatus this year), but I'm excited to have Cindy (different Cindy) keeping the fire.
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O....M.....G.......

 

 

 

There is no jiu jitsu in this.

 

So, one of the things that the Hunt coordinators have been doing for the last lo these many years is that each coordinator has a backup. Someone who is sort of apprenticing the role, and assisting the coordinator. After the backup has been backing up for several years, it usually turns into more of a partnership. Dru and I have definitely got a great partnership- to the point that I had her run the show last year while I  acted as *her* backup.

As Silverdrake stepped down and his backup Beau took over as Huntmaster last year, Beau did not have a backup. It made me a little nervous. It's a big job, and if anything happened to Beau or he ran into difficulties, we'd be rather screwed. Sharon made it clear that she wants him to establish a backup this year, and I heartily agree, and I think so does he.

I came home to a shock of an e-mail tonight. There was a lot said and some of it is not appropriate to share, but the conclusion was:

"..... what I do know is that I believe the Hunt's Spirit wants you in this role and so do I. I have had many in consideration for this part but you are the right person. I believe that you are our Hunt Mistress. "

I don't know how to react to this.