Showing posts with label drumming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drumming. Show all posts

Thursday, July 31, 2014

FTS



"It's not 'I get a turn and then you get a turn'... it's all my space and it's always my turn" - Greg Hamilton


Wednesday:

I bailed on Saturday's ceremony. I feel terrible about it. It is not in my nature to flake out on commitments. In fact I reserve some of my most venomous contempt for people who do that. If I tell you that I am going to do X, then you can rest assured that by God I am going to do X, even if I have to move Heaven and Earth to get it done. I have gone to ridiculous lengths to fulfill minor obligations. It is a pillar of my personal identity- my moral integrity. And this is Jen's biggest event of the year. Only three days away. And I'm well aware that she was already electrified with stress even BEFORE I bailed.

I assured Jen yesterday (for about the fourth time) that I would indeed be there and that I would be ready to do my part. This was not good enough for her. Over the course of the day she sent me four more messages bugging me for further intercourse. She wanted assurance that there is not friction between us, and she still wanted me to explain exactly what I planned to do (right down to what I was fucking THINKING) so that (presumably) she could inform me that I was "doing it wrong". When I saw all those missives piled in my box, I was like, that's it- Fuck This Shit. Aside from my own discomfort- which is a negligible consideration weighed against the integrity of my commitment- it is plain at this point that she is stressing over this to a level that I truly think that dealing with me was causing her more angst than having to replace me will.

I hate drama. I have a traumatic past in drama. I do not appreciate people trying to drag me into their drama when I have made it clear that I do not wish to go there. The last thing I wanted was a BEDS (Big Emotional Drama Scene) three days before the event. Unfortunately, there was *NO* way to get around it. I'm sure I'm going to get some guilt-inducing and stressful nastygrams. But seriously, I think any reasonable person would have said FTS a long time ago. I'm done.
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 Thursday:

I blocked Jen for the time being; I will probably have to read her mail at some point, and it's going to upset me, but I didn't want to even be tempted to engage in any further drama before the rit- nor do I want to get talked into changing my mind about quitting.

Another community member messaged me when he saw that I was leaving. He's watched Jen do this same thing to a number of people, so we indulged in a little pop-psychology analysis. It's an interesting study in self-sabotage. It's always easier to dissect these things when it's not you. I don't think I was self-sabotaging, in this case, although certain other of my problem issues definitely played a role. Yet since self sabotage is a persistant crime of mine, particularly visible in my MA training, it warrents pondering as pertains to my own situation.

Lamont messaged me to mention the Proving Grounds Championship. I figured I wouldn't qualify anyway, but apparently I do. I had skipped the Revolution this past weekend, and had not planned to do the PGC or anything else. I still haven't come up with any new insights or ideas on the defeatism barrier.
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Thursday evening BJJ in Bellevue. Glenn! He's been out for about a year. So delightful to see him back. I got to drill with him, too.

Drills- from standup, pulling spider guard. Then same, with partner proceeding to pass. Then some positional sparring, starting from establishment of the spider guard. Then postional training starting from sitting on the floor in what Carlos called "double guard pull". After a while, Carlos switched out partners and gave me a young, long-legged blue belt who huffed and puffed like an overweight basset hound. Since it was also hotter than hell in there tonight, this was not helping him. We talked a lot about breathing. I also gave him several other suggestions as we went. I know that it was because he was breathing wrong, but I still found it rather gratifying- given our respective ages- that I had to repeatedly chivvy him along when he was literally on the brink of collapsing.

A few rolls with Allison. I haven't seen him in a while either. He's always great to roll with. He handled me, of course, but I think I made him work a little harder than he has had to work to handle me in the past. I finally had to cry his mercy, though, because I just became too exhausted to continue. He complimented my on my back mount escape. I had escaped his back mount four or five times, usually by grabbing his gi top and squirming around till we were chest to chest (him usually on the bottom at that point). I said, "I thought you were being nice and giving me room to get out," and he said, "No, I was trying." Which, given his skill level, I'm going to take as a compliment even if he's fudging a bit. At that point I was way too tired to jump on Glenn, so I promised to get him next time.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Friday evening



"I've had 56 students win gunfights in the past 5 years.  I also had two students that died because they were unarmed when they were attacked.  Carry your f***in gun." - Tom Givens (Rangemaster)


OMG, Jen Jen Jen. This needs to stop. This ritual leadership team needs to break up due to irreconcilable differences. I had intended to perform my small part for next weekend's event and then just stop answering her e-mails and fade away... which would leave the door open to at least show up and participate in a non-facilitating way once in a while. But it has become clear that she ONCE AGAIN did not like what I did at the last event, even though it worked just fine,  and now she wants to vet my piece beforehand. She disguised this as a general message to everyone that "We don't want to do (fill in the blank with what I did last time). Let's all post our ideas so that we can be all goal-aligned." So almost everyone posts except me.... since I'm still trying to figure out how the hell to deal with her shit without getting pulled into a dysfunctional drama scene, and I also still have about .02% doubt that this may be *my* problem because I apparently have no ability to function in ritual nor gauge accurately whether things worked or not nor take constructive criticism... and she posts another general message going, "Okay, the only one who hasn't chimed in yet is Kitsune....." then again this morning with, "I'm freaking out here, those who haven't posted their ideas yet PLEASE DO SO". Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, this is the biggest event of the year and you'd think she'd have enough to do without having this much time and energy to ride my ass. Over a very tiny role, which is not going to make a difference in anything even if she hates it. I don't want to be one of those people who causes a drama scene (or worse- bails) a week before a huge event, but I've about had it. This is nuts.

I mounted a pole in my basement gym to dry my gi's on. When I first moved in here, I looked at the shower in the laundry room and thought, "Sweet, I can hang my gi's right there on the shower rod to dry." Well, turns out the air flow sucketh in there and they take about a week to dry.... which is not a huge deal, except the condensation is such that I'm worried it's going to get all disgusting in that room if I keep doing that. I'm not sure the air flow and drying time are going to be much better in the basement proper, but I hope so. I'm going to mount a second pole on the porch so that I can dry them out there when the weather permits.

Friday evening BJJ in Bellevue. I got there early and had a long, thorough stretching session, followed by a few reps of the Tai Chi short form. Then Five Animals. Then Leopard Fist. I have not done any forms of any kind for, like, a year. I don't know how I feel about it. It stirred some things. Some good, some bad.

KOtH, sweep vs pass. There was an awkward moment right that the beginning when Prof Herbert tried to pair me up with Sauleh. There were only about 8 of us total in there, so having Sauleh in there with KoTH meant a lot of extra wall time for me. Irritating.

Brandon has his purple belt. He continues to get bigger- and better.

A few spars. Lance first, ha ha. He was nice, and let me simply run a sub clinic on him. I also got a turn with Herbert, which was awesome if exhausting. It was very flowy. I tried really hard to flow. I think I made a decent showing of myself.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Some seemingly competent sparring




Beating someone to the draw is a myth. Even if it was possible, other than a shot to the brainstem, there is nothing a bullet can do that can stop another person from pulling the trigger for several seconds.   –Rory Miller


FRI
Went to the open mat in Bellevue after work on Fri morning. I was only able to be there for the last hour, but I had coordinated with Lindsay, so it was worth it. We rolled for almost an hour- gi and then no-gi. I got a few taps, she got a few taps. Then we gushed about how much we enjoy working together. We seem very evenly matched, and we feel safe working together.

SAT
Turtle Spirit Jam. I wrote a chant and used it to call the quarters. Decent turnout. I used the frame drum, doumbek, and egg shaker. Also broke out the streamer poi, which was nice- not enough room to use those in the indoor venue. Used the frame drumstick to drum on objects around the park shelter (STOMP's got nuthin on me). The metal signs had very poor tones, but the trash can and recycle can were great. Got a nice three-tone rhythm going with trash (head)-recycle (head)-trash (stick). 

There were two other guys there with great drum skills, and we had a really nice middle eastern-sounding beat going at one point wherein we were trading the solos around.

Still feeling a bit too much "holding the rhythm" burden at these events. Every single time I tried to drop out- even though I was being really careful to fade- the whole group either immediately faded with me or fell apart. I wish there were a few more people who weren't afraid to start rhythms or to take the lead.

I got a nice amount of walking done. I parked over a mile away because I assumed there wouldn't be any parking to be had (turned out the rear half of the park was deserted). I also circled for pretty much the entire jam.

WEDS
Jen and I are fighting on FB again, with me saying that when I'm helping to lead these shindigs, I want to have a loose format and not be ordering drummers where to stand and what to do. She seems to feel that I am frustratingly naiive and can't understand how much ritual leaders need to plan every step ahead and tightly CONTROL everything. I suspect the golden spot lies in the middle somewhere, but it is difficult to restrain myself from bristling when she shoots down my concepts and ideas. I'm still not entirely sure what is going on here with the dynamics between us, but I am not comfortable trying to force myself into her little box of what she wants me to be doing, so I am definitely going to hang back and keep my role strictly compartmentalized. I already agreed to call East at the next big Ocean Healing thing (deliberately picking an element I'm weak in, just for a challenge), and I will still do that, but we have talked about doing something with the River over here at my place in the fall... which I may now try to wiggle out of. I'm not going to respond to her posts right away, though- choosing to not let myself get pulled into the Dance Of Ego, cuz I can feel myself wanting to. Going to wait till I'm cool.

THURS

Two-fer at Bellevue. Good Lord was it hot. After evening class ended, I was actually kind of nauseated from the level of heat (and possibly from being shaken and stirred all day on the mat).

Lunchtime: Drills.

1) Standing guard pass. Hands on opponent's knees. Step to each side a few times, then pull opponent's knees to the mat on the same side you are on. Dart to other side, plant shoulder on opponent, slither upward into side control.

2) Step one foot between opponent's feet. S/he sits up and hugs your knee. Grab the back of hir collar, plant your forearm on hir breastbone, "slide into home" on the free-foot side. Turn your hips toward opponent, placing your left knee where your right knee just was. Your right knee must be pointed  at the ceiling in order to pop out of the half guard. Front mount. 

3) Opponent's feet are on your hips. Grab hir left foot with your right hand (same-side), pass it to your other hand, clamp it under your left arm, step in and drop to butt as if you are going for ankle lock. This is a ruse (or perhaps your ankle lock didn't work). Post with right hand, change your grip on the leg (you want to grab the pants on the outside of the knee) and use your left leg to lift opponent's non-trapped right ankle while you shift your body behind hir butt. I was worried about accomplishing that left-leg thing, but it turned out that you only had to stick your foot under there and lift it a smidgen in order to render the person unable to do diddly crap (since now both hir feet are off the mat). It did not need to be a big production, but you did need to remember to do it. The trickier part for me was actually avoiding getting my own foot trapped under my own ass thus preventing me from doing the shift. I wanted to step in really really close to the opponent's butt when I first went for the ankle lock, but I had to think ahead regarding where I placed that foot- otherwise I had to do extra scrambling in order to unfold myself later.

Note that if you could use the pants knee grip to yank opponent's leg straight(er) at the end, bonus.

A few spars. Suranjen let me ride him for almost the entire 8 mins, and tap him about once a minute... don't know what was going on there, as he normally tools me. On top of John a lot today, too. Maybe I was just excellent this afternoon, I dunno.

Evening:

I need to stop doing two-fers assuming the Chrisanne is going to show up for round 2, because she keeps standing me up. Turns out her knee is still giving her problems, so she decided to bail. Guess that's a decent excuse! I held up okay, despite the heat.

Standup with judo grips, put foot on opponent's hip on sleeve-grip side, drop to butt, DO NOT swing out. Instead, slide elbow grip to cuff grip, place foot on bicep, triangle.

God, I can't remember what else we did. I'm so tired. My brain is melting.

More spars. I seemed competant tonight. Usually I flail on round 2 in one day, especially if I seemed competant in the afternoon.

Still having a lot of pain in both knees from that fall I took on the stairs. I also pulled a muscle in the afternoon- it hurts almost screaming-level to turn my head to the left, also rradiating a bit down that arm and to mid-back. Joyful. Stretching before evening class did naught to relieve it, but fortunately it did not seem to cripple me in class. I hope it's not bad in the morning. I want to do 1, maybe 2 classes tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Bigger than a raccoon.




Even some of the best people I know live by the “I just wanna do my own little thing.” Satisfied with the happy little island they created for themselves in the middle of the ocean of the surrounding disharmony, they look at life from their seat in the audience. I consider this attitude one of the main causes in the mediocrity in the state of things. Often for creative people the beauty of their inner world can become a handicap. Too caught up by their subjective experience to learn how to dance through the physical world.  The result is that, limiting themselves to the cultivation of their own spiritual world, the most sensitive people leave to the most careless the management of collective reality. Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path



PSG.

The weather was not our friend this week. It was either raining or brutally hot and humid. I did go over some defensive stuff with Dru, but not nearly as much as I'd wanted to. I didn't get to play MA with my Evil Twin at all, which was a huge disappointment. She had kubatons, and I'd really wanted to play with them.

Although my tent and tarp situation is reasonably adequate for a few normal showers, what happened this week was not normal. I had Lake Michigan inside my tent. We got six inches just on Thursday alone. I  returned from the Hunt at around 1am to find every inch of floor space underwater. I had known that was going to happen, but there was really nothing I could do as long as it just kept coming and coming. So I spent the next few hours just walking from one end of the tent to the other and poking at the ceiling to tip the water off as it collected and dripped through. Near dawn, it finally slowed, and I used my wet clothes to mop the standing water to the front end of the tent. Threw the sleeping bag down and hoped that the wet floor wouldn't soak through too much.

Kitsune (after someone mentioned jiu-jitsu): "Yeah, I know sixty different ways to choke someone unconscious with their own clothes."
Nataraj: "All the more reason not to wear any."

Speaking of Nata, he had a little pink tube dress and was photographing as many different people as possible wearing it. I rarely allow photos to be taken (especially wearing something that revealing), but one could hardly refuse after he donned the thing himself.

What's worse than having a screaming baby camped right next to you? Having TWO screaming babies camped right next to you! They woke up wailing every morning at the crack of dawn, at which point their entire camp was up and talking, so I couldn't get back to sleep. There were also a few small-hours operettas. On Thursday their tents were gone. I know it's selfish of me, but I was SO HAPPY. I thought I'd finally get some sleep.... but then the tent flooding.

Flat Harry was back (see photo). Fortunately, 3D Harry (who drums much more skillfully and is also better at helping put up tents) was back as well. He asked me to bring Flat Harry out as a prop one morning while he addressed the morning meeting. While he stood there talking, I propped Flat Harry up beside him and then pretended to grope him from behind all during Harry's speech. The crowd was in stitches. I'm hoping that someone will post a photo (I saw several being taken).

Extreme Contact Improv for Martial Artists, x3.... although the third session got rained out halfway through. Although we were deliberately BEHIND the audience, we had many people come up to us both at the concerts and at other times on the road to tell us how much they enjoyed watching the ECIfMA. Including one woman who was delighted with me and my "husband".

Tuatha Dea performed a song about "Celtic women" with the two adult sisters and their mom. With the first verse, I had goosebumps all up and down my arms. By the end, I was crying, and so was Harry. I found all three women over the course of the next two days and thanked them for sharing that song.

Drummed in 2 ritual processions, although I bailed when we reached the site for the 2nd one (Bonfire opening). Apparently that rit was "the best one EVER", so maybe I should have stayed....

Number of times this year that I left my walkie-talkie in the portajohn: zero. I think I have conquered that particular bad habit.
Number of times I left my umbrella at Herald Camp and found myself caught in the rain elsewhere without it: 3. Needs work.

I was asked by the gal in charge of the Croning rite of passage to scramble a drum section for the rit. Unfortunately, it was on Friday, and it's really hard to recruit anyone to do anything in the last few days. Since she'd asked me personally, I felt obligated to show up and do it myself. Selena tends to pull some distressingly arrhythmic chants out of her butt, but I have figured out that I just need to ID those right out of the gate and simply "let the voices rule." I haven't been drumming for these small rits for a long time, but it is a service to the community, so I decided that next year I am going to go out of my way to do more of them- even if I am doing them solo. Dru said that she might be up for doing some.

Dru to Kitsune, upon hearing that I had heard something fall in the creek in the middle of the night and suspected that it was a bear:  "Maybe it was a raccoon."
Kitsune: "It was bigger than a raccoon."
Rhonda's frantic disembodied voice from her tent, where we thought she had gone to sleep: "WHAT was???!!? Where???!!?"

The Hunt- Ummm. Someone asked me how it went, and I said, "I don't really know what to say."

 The first monkey wrench occurred about a week before the event when Dru informed me that she still had a touch of pneumonia and had to bail out of coordinating the drumming. I said fine, I'll do it myself.

There was a young teen- he looked about 13- drumming beside me at the processions and at the morning meetings. Although I generally loathe kids, I was impressed with his drumming skill and focus. I thought, "That kid might actually be able to do the Hunt," Lo and behold, Thursday morning he asked me if he could drum for the Hunt. Normally we don't let under-18's in (we have let in a few 16 and 17 YO's in special circumstances), but I decided (after getting a green light from his dad) to let him do it. Found out at the pre-meeting that he is a wrestler- which explained both the unusual focus and the way I'd glommed onto him right off. I asked Finn and Marshall to help look out for him.

Second monkey wrench: less than an hour before the rit was supposed to begin, it was decided (by people who were not me) that the lightning made it too dangerous to put the hunters in the woods, and we were going to put them in the sweat lodge. I was horrified. Without being able to see the hunters- and with the villagers clustered under a tarp on the opposite end of the clearing- my drum group was going to feel like it was all alone in the world, drumming to itself.

Interestingly, none of the hunters bailed. I had expected at least a few to do so. They had put a lot of work into their hunt spaces (which were now not going to be utilized) and into their weapons (which would have to be left outside the lodge), and they had prepared for a completely different format. A sweat lodge is not something to take lightly.

I placed our easy-up so that it faced the sweat lodge fire- with the lodge visible at stage left and the hunt fire at stage right. (The guy erecting the shelters looked deeply into my eyes as he placed the front pole and declared passionately, "This is the LAST time I am moving this goddam easy-up.... are you SURE this is where you want it?")

When I explained to the drummers what was happening, one of them asked a question about what the hunters were doing in the sweat lodge. Good question. I haven't a clue. That was obviously going to be a Hunters' Mystery. I replied as much, adding that it was "Not my circus, not my monkeys." (That became a major catchphrase for me this year.....)

I had to shoehorn twenty drummers- and their chairs- into an easy-up and hang tarps on three sides so that the sideways rain didn't dull the drumheads. They were inaccessible to the villagers who were supposed to be bringing them water. They were practically sitting in one another's laps. Of course this left no room for me. I stood toe to toe with the front row, holding my drumhead just under the edge of the shelter. I had the synthetic, but I had never played it in extensive rain, and wasn't sure how it (and my hands) might perform (or not) in the middle of a thunderstorm. The freezing water running off the edge of the tarp and right down my back was the least of my problems.

I realized quickly that the right-hand tarp was going to prevent most of my drummers from seeing the kills. I was able to solve this by asking Finn and Marshall to roll that side up as soon as the hunters started coming out. It would be distracting- and we would be getting a little wet at that point- but the drummers needed to see the kills. 

All the coordinators met in the center and stood there in a huddle with our wet hair dripping in our eyes, discussing the changes. I realize that the sweatlodge leader cancelled her own event and offered up her lodge, time and effort to help us out- but man, she was ****NOT**** displaying good team player skills. As soon as the lodge became involved, it turned into her show instead of ours- and she didn't know what we were doing. I started to ask about cues, and she informed me that her second, Colleen, would be giving me cues. I attempted to relate what cues I needed and when, and she cut me off rudely... at which point I tried to address Colleen directly, and got cut off a THIRD time with a snapped, "You'll get your cues, don't worry about it." End of discussion. I realized then that I was not going to get my cues, and that I was not going to have any idea WTF was going on. Which is exactly what happened.

Usually before the ritual the drummers circle up and paint one another, and I make an inspiring speech. This time, I said, "Sorry, people. We're packed into an easy-up like sardines and it's pouring. We're just going to stay where we're at." Dru asked if we could at least do an "ohm" to sync up, and I said yes. Bo headed up the hill to get the hunters. I got exactly half a sentence into my soul-stirring speech, and the horn sounded. Fuck. He must have had the hunters right outside the clearing already, and just hoofed them in with no speech and no rigmarole. I had to abandon my own rigmarole plans (and the ohm- sorry Dru) and get the heartbeat started immediately.

(At least the hunters were not processing solemnly down the hill to an accompaniment of "It's Raining Men". The concert stage and its amplified music is distressingly close to the area where the hunters are supposed to be sitting in meditation and then processing. There was a drag show scheduled this year (thus the "Raining Men"). I can't remember what was playing last year while we were trying to meditate and process, but I remember being really annoyed with how upbeatedly distracting it was.)

So we worked the heartbeat, while the amplifiers from the concert blasted "Go Ask Alice" arrhythmically throughout. (Dru did an absolutely hilarious replay of this at the post mortem meeting.... almost wet my pants) the hunters all disappear into the lodge. We keep doing the heartbeat for a really long time, since I had no cues to tell me otherwise. I glared pointedly at Derek- I felt bad putting that on him, but at least he was getting to move around the site and hopefully had a marginally better idea of what was happening than I did. I couldn't see, hear or sense a damn thing.  Finally Derek cues me to stop the heartbeat and start the thunder drumming.

Still no Colleen- I never laid eyes on that chick for the rest of the night. Derek finally gave me a rampup cue.

Suddenly- it seemed like we'd only been drumming for about 10 min, although I found out later that it was about an hour and a half- one of the drummers in the 2nd row caught my glance and cut her eyes several times exaggeratedly to stage right. I turned my head, and there was a hunter at the fire.   WTF????!!!!?????? It was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too soon, and we'd only done one ramp-up, and... cues? CUES, PLEASE, ANYBODY???!!!???

Since no one was there for me to glare at but Marshall, I glared at him. Eyes popping, he and Finn scurried to roll up the side of the tarp. The water that had collected on it went cascading right into the ass pocket of the unfortunate drummer on the right front corner.

(Later at the post mortem, Marshall said that he had never been stalked or felt threatened in the hunt before this one- and it wasn't even a hunter, it had been me. I hadn't meant it is a recriminating glare, just a "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze tell me what the hell is going on" glare.)

I quickly realized that the poor lighting made it very difficult to see what was going on at the fire- which was problematic since I was supposed to give the drum section a "Fuckabazoo" cue when the hunter made hir first strike and a "go back to thunder drumming" cue when the kill was done.

That first one, it appeared that he just went over to the prey, stood there and stared at it for a time, and then when down on his knees and collapsed on top of it. I later found out that that guy had fasted and deprived himself of water. Sweat-lodging dehydrated? Not recommended.

Another thing I realized, but this was a good one: I had positioned us so that as the hunters came out of the sweat lodge, the muffled drumming that they had been hearing abruptly turned into a wall of sound that smacked them in the face as they emerged. Furthermore, rolling up that right-hand tarp was allowing the drumming to extend out toward the fire and kill area. I think that having them crammed together like they were- uncomfortable as it was- helped the syncronicity. I had Dru in the rear center, and placed Michael on the right rear corner and my Evil Twin on the front left corner so that I had a strong grid of powerful, experienced drummers supporting the newbies in the middle.
One of the hunters tried to charge straight into the lake, and Derek had to chase him down....

Had a drummer wet hir pants.... kept right on drumming..... I've had several drummers puke after the hunt, but this is the first loss of bladder control I'm aware of.

 Finally Bo comes over and says, "All the hunters are out... do you want to keep the drummers going for a while, just for their own sake?" It was nice of him to ask, but no. The climax of the entire thing is the kills. I felt unfulfilled (and other drummers did as well, and I think some villagers too), but continuing to drum after that would have felt like masturbating for two hours and then not being able to finish. (Sorry for the crude, but I don't know how else to explain this....)

Here was my Big Fail of the night: I allowed myself to get so distracted and stressed out by the weirdness of this "Gopher Hunt" that I completely forgot to check up on my teenager afterward. Thank goodness Dru talked to him a little- she said that he seemed kind of zoned, and when she questioned him, he told her that he had seen visions. She asked him what he'd seen, and he replied, "I saw all my fears." I had mentioned in the pre-meeting that the drummers sometimes hallucinate (Caitlin reported two years ago that she had seen it "raining snakes" in the hunt space). So at least he had some warning. Thank Goodness also for Marshall- who, unlike me, DID remember this particular responsibility and walked the kid back to his campsite. Dru and I, though, were both kicking ourselves for not making him go to the counseling center. It had been my decision to let him in, and I should have personally made sure he was okay and not messed up in the head. (That *was* my circus and my monkey, and I failed in that respect.)

I was relieved that my bad shoulder- which was STILL giving me problems- did not rebel during the hunt. I had been really worried that it would be in agony- either during, or after, or both. I had resolved to treat myself to a massage if I messed up my shoulder in the hunt. But it performed fine, and I was not in excessive pain the next day.

Bo suggests that instead of adding "in bed" to our fortune cookie fortunes, we should now add "in a sweat lodge".

There was a lot of poor nutrition this week. I hate flying, and always console myself on my single yearly flight with a candy binge (Mostly Runts, double dipped (peanut butter and chocolate) peanuts, and Mint Whoppers, this time). Dru had peanut butter stuffed pretzels- which sounds disgusting, and I should have just left it at that- but like an idiot, I tried them, and they were delicious. I hadn't wanted to deal with cooking this year, so I had decided to get one or two meals per day at the vendors' booths- which I usually eschew as much too expensive and also excessive in portion size.

Most of what I ate at Phil's Grill wasn't terrible nutrition-wise... chicken and pork wraps with onions, mushrooms, and a little cheese and rice... would have probably made my nutritionist/Evil Twin roll her eyes, but not cringe. The problem was, each wrap was twice the amount of food I normally consume in a sitting. With no refrigeration and no microwave, I just had to snort it or waste it (and I hate waste). I now have some extra weight to work on taking off.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Saturday though Thursday



Kaia appeared on tributary bank and swooped into the grouping of lanterns without a sound, like a grim spectre. –The Hole In the Clouds



Saturday comp class in Seattle. All spars. Meg, Coach Dynamo, Ian, John... I think there were one or two more in there but I can't recall. I felt competant. Meg is very technical and eager. I hope she sticks around. It was great to roll with John. It's been a really long time. He's gotten so much better. It seemed like a really good competitive roll.

Turtle Drum went well. Not a huge crowd, but enthusiastic. Bryan did everything except call/dismiss quarters. I used the Spiral Rhythm chant again. They love that. I had been planning to cast the circle with my red light saber, but at the last minute I asked my housemate if I could borrow her smaller rainbow strobe shortsword. As it turned out, Thekla set up the altar with a branch growing out of a pot and strung with illuminated rainbow stars. It was perfectly coordinated. I walked up there and stuck the short sword in the pot as if I was lighting it from the branch.

Registered for Proving Grounds on (IIRC) March 1 or thereabouts. No-gi only.  Weight will be okay as long as it doesn't go up this month.
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Thursday lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue.

Begin in closed guard. Grip lapels, step left foot up by opponent's hip, straighten right leg out behind you as you stand up and turn to break guard. (Brace your knee against the hip.)

Press opponent's left knee to ground, slide your rt knee through, backsit, take side control.

Next technique: you are standing, opponent lying on hir back with feet on your hips. You grip pantlegs at insides of knees. Underhook one leg and press the other knee to the floor. Slide rt knee through, then left knee. Take side control.

Multiple repeats of these, to exhaustion. Both John (this is a different John) and I kept mixing up whether we were supposed to do the backsit or the double-slide. I had to ask him to be careful on my ribs- his weight on top is amazing. Because I had already asked for that, I refrained from asking him to go easier on my knees- although it hurt like hell every time he slid over one.

Monday, November 4, 2013

"You're breaking all the rules!"




Ecstasy is not a faraway, unreachable dimension. It is right here, just a few feet away from the sleep of the senses. -Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path

127.5

Saturday lunchtime BJJ in Seattle.

I had forgotten about the training camp... the visiting black belt who is doing the training camp was running basics class. I hid in the locker room because if I'd gone out to sit by the mat and watch, Rodrigo would have insisted I go on the mat even though I didn't pay for the training camp, and I'm not fishing for charity.

I had a good stretching session, did some Tai Chi short form, then Chen Dao and Catherine Dao with a coat hanger substituting for the dao.

Competition class. Positional sparring. I wasn't doing that great, but I also had a very challenging group of people to deal with. Rodrigo divided us up into pods by size and rank, and I was in the "Small But Mighty" group- Suranjan, Lindsey, Z, Coach Dynamo, a couple of others, but no easy marks.

I love watching Z and Suranjan fight- I told Lindsey that they look like a couple of overcaffeinated ferrets. With ten legs apiece. And rabies.  In a clothes dryer set on Fast Spin. They just whirl in a blurred little furious ball and you can hardly even follow the action.

One long roll with a Small But Mighty blue belt that I'm not familiar with. I spent almost the entire time struggling to pass his guard, with a couple of brief intervals where I found myself on the bottom and he was passing *my* guard. My guard passes are decent- but damn, he played excellent guard.

Then I got Cindy, who had just come in and was nice and fresh. It quickly became apparent the The Move Of The Day was the crucifix. Before long, my objective of "survive" became "try to last thirty seconds without finding yourself crucifixed." We did some standup, too (no-gi). I feel so intimidated trying to do standup with Cindy.  I felt like I was doing really terrible overall, but she told me I was good. It really is impossible to tell how I'm doing when I'm rolling with Cindy.... I just know that lying on the bottom like a possum is bad.

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Turtle Drum. This was interesting. I walked in and set my stuff down, and immediately Jen pounces on me because my rug is too close to the altar and there is too much water in my mug (!). "You're breaking all the rules!" I was aghast. I shoved my rug back against the wall and dumped half the water into a plant (this was a mug of water with a little floating turtle candle in it, for the altar). "But if we don't get that many people, you'll need to be closer in than that." "In that case, I'll move." "Oh, do whatever you want." She flaps her hands and walks away.

Five minutes later, here she is again: "Wow, why did I just jump down your throat like that? Guess it's turned into a knee-jerk reaction whenever I see you in here, ha ha."

What the hell????!?!? We had a whole freaking encounter session about her cutting me down with her criticism to the point that I didn't even want to be a facilitator for this event any more. She wants me to come back and run this shindig- ideally next month- but within sixty seconds of my entering the building as a mere participant, she's all up my butt. And the most bizarre part of that was not even questioning the amount of water in my mug, it was the fact that I could see that she was wrestling with herself to try to narrow my list of sins to just those two.... she, like, visibly bit her tongue and stopped herself after the "rug" and "water". What is going on here?  Is she subconsciously threatened by me? Is she a drama whore? Is this just how she reacts to stress? Are we really stuck in this dynamic? I don't want to deal with that from her while I'm trying to run a big public event. That will freak me out.

She also did some of the same things tonight that she raked me over the coals for not doing: she did almost no closing at the end (called quarters at the beginning but did not close them at the end; if you're going to do one, you really should do both), and didn't shill for money, which was the biggest thing we clashed about that last time.

Otherwise: I had brought the "Tom Ox" drum for the first time, and I think it did well. Also, Tiala (doumbek)- had one very nice song with that- egg shaker, water drum, double woodblock, and the large-size ocarina. It turned out to be a flutey and whistley night. That was mostly really nice, although two or three of them did get a little out of hand a couple of times. I had never used the ocarina here before, but when everybody was making a big flute section, I gave it a try. At first it seemed like it was not in a compatible key, but I went up an octave and found a five-note sequence that seemed to harmonize well.

There was quite a bit of toning and chanting, which people seem to really enjoy, so I'm always happy to see that (and help it along). Some dancing, which to me is also a good indicator of a drum circle going well.

Jen was unhappy with the entire schmeer musically. Thekla also felt that there was some weirdness here and there. I thought it went fine. (And oftentimes, even when the more experienced people at a drum circle think it was a disaster, the newbies still had a blast.)

I was pretty much resolved to go back and try facilitating a Turtle Drum again, but now I'm vascillating (again). I'm not sure if I can deal in a constructive manner with having Jen riding my ass and undermining my confidence while I'm trying to focus on leading a group ritual (which is nervewracking enough when you *don't* have an authority figure looming over you with a scorecard in her hand).

Having her experience a completely different eval of the energy than I did makes me question my own ability to read the circle. I might have been tempted to write it off as more clash-dynamic if Thekla had not mentioned something "off" as well. Think I will make an open-ended request for participant feedback on the Facebook group (If my internet connection ever comes up again... sigh).
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Sun: 128.5

I spent part of the day in the hospital lobby with my laptop and a bag of candy corn, because internet is still down at my place. The Facebook feedback about TD is very positive. Jen bought up the fact that she dropped the ball on the closing. She feels that there was an out-of-control level of "catharsis" going on. I remarked that I think a certain level of "catharsis" is inevitable for an event that close to Samhain, with the theme of "Release into the Beauty of Darkness", and a few participants had also created a lovely and powerful altar to those who have gone ahead. What do you expect? Kittens and Tinkerbell? I didn't percieve it as having gotten out of hand.

I ranted some more on Facebook/blogs/forums about Schultz/Maldonado and LI, and got some conversations and shares among my own contacts on it, so that's a good thing.

Bree sent me photos of three big bruises that I gave her in class the other day.

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I should mention- just in case I turn up dead- that the assassin songbird is back. Phock, phock, phock, against the window. He wakes me up every morning at the crack of dawn and comes back periodically all day long to fling himself tirelessly against the glass. Either constant practice at flinging yourself against window glass is like most other things and you get better with more reps, or he's flitting off to the gym and getting in a little Crossfit between kamikaze bouts- because he's getting better. The inital soft thumps have turned into hard, sharp raps- to the point that I periodically go downstairs to see if he's managed to crack the window yet. He's also figured out that if he goes to the little north-side window, there is some ivy he can perch on and chain his phocks so as to get several blows in succession. So maybe he's not *quite* as dumb as he seems, or maybe he got this suggestion from his asassin decoder ring. I wonder who put out the hit on me, and for how much.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Saturday


Sign above toilet at Bothell school: "Hope your aim is better when you fight!"

Saturday BJJ at GB Sea. There were half a dozen women in there today! When we separated into groups for positional sparring, we were able to make an all-female group.

Lots of positional sparring. Then a roll with Kelly, who was on top the whole time. Then a roll with Ron. I actually got a few chokes on him- and any tap you get on Ron, you EARNED- so it's exciting the rare time I get any. He commented that the gi-and-forearm chokes appear to be my "bread and butter". He tapped me several times as well, of course.

Then I had a meeting with Tasara. As happened the last time we tried to discuss Turtle Drum leadership issues, we spent a great deal of time talking AROUND the problem spots. I wonder why she intimidates me so much. I agreed to commit to leading some more (if my work schedule ever allows).

I am tempted to take one of Tasara's shamanic journeying classes, but I'm scared of getting confirmation that I'm just not capable. I'm such a control freak. I have only journeyed once, and it was an accident.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Hunting


There's no jiu jitsu in this (unless you count the fact that I TALKED about jiu jitsu a little bit to a couple of people during the week).  Feel free to skip it. In fact, if you are not Pagan, this post will surely convince you that I am either going to burn in hell or that I need to be measured for a nice white jacket that will let me hug myself (if you weren't already convinced of such). I'm not really supposed to talk about the Hunt..... but since only about 2 people read my blog, and even those 2 will likely not be interested in reading about THIS, I don't think it really matters. This blog is mostly for my own processing purposes.


I'm probably going to remember more details later and sprinkle them into future posts, but here's the gist.....

As previously mentioned, Darian and Finn had their virgin burn. I do a little streamer poi, enough to appreciate how hard they have been practicing. The entire Herald Camp went down to watch and cheer, even though Du could barely stand up (more on that later). The boys were so excited, and thrilled at all the attention they were getting from us.

Pathwalker, who normally brings my tent for me, could not be there this year- to the disappointment of many. He sent my tent along with a friend. On day one, I saw him out of the corner of my eye and did a triple-take. Someone had made a life-size cardboard cutout and dressed it in the clothes that Pathwalker typically wears. He had one hand up with a little shelf attached so that you could put a beer or a tamborine in his hand. It was hysterical. Flatwalker went to all of the events that he normally attends. He stood on stage at the welcome meeting, led the opening rit procession, drummed in all of the morning meetings (except the morning after Pan's Ball.... he must have been sleeping it off under a bush somewhere), stood on stage at the Tuatha Dea concert wearing one of their T-shirts and playing the mandolin (I didn't know Pathwalker could play the mandolin!). He was at the Carpenter's Ball and the Hunt. Everyone was getting their pics taken with him. At one point, he fell over, and the med staff came roaring out in their golf cart to put him on a stretcher and give him CPR.

With the lack of Pathwalker, a few other people were tapped to lead ritual drum processions. I was not one of them. Of the two I attended, they were- shall we say- well, mistakes were made.

My plantar fasciitis remains moderately painful in my right heel. I was able to ignore it and do my job- I'm good at that- but that combined with my patello-femoral syndome knee pain made the prospect of doing any dancing wince-able. I did get in a couple of careful sessions of Extreme Contact Improv For Martial Artists with Eric, which was wonderful.

We only had one day of torrential rain, but there was a hideous windstorm the first night. I was certain a tornado was bearing down on me- it was that loud. I got out of the tent (not wanting a tree bough to come down on me and pin me in there) and squatted in the bushes in the dark for an hour until it started to die down.

My Evil Twin and I had a lot of fun this year. I had brought us matching tank tops that said (respectively) "Not Kitsune" and "Not Jo". You didn't even have to know us to get the joke, you just had to look at us. We look and act exactly alike when we're not trying, so it was eerie when we *were* trying. We walked around together, mimicked one another's positions, and halfway through the morning meeting, we switched chairs. She got up and made my Heralding announcement at the meeting, then we sat there straight-faced like nothing had happened. We couldn't decide if it would be funnier if people noticed, or if they FAILED to notice.

Unfortunately, I ate like a sow all week. I'm not even gonna weigh myself for a while.

Cute little frogs- smaller than your pinkie fingernail.

Gorgeous full moon. Even better reflected on the lake. With firespinning on the beach. See pic.

To my dismay, I spent two nights dreaming about Autumn 2011. I did put that situation on the Hunt fire- with moderately more resolve than I did so last year. It seems that I'm still not quite ready to move on from that, although I am somewhat more firm about *wanting* to move on from that.

Sacred Hunt- there are some things that I wish had gone better, but that is always true. It's a tradition for us to sit around Herald Camp and obssess about all the things that we think we phucked up.... then we go to the post-mortem workshop, and hear that everyone loved it and that they got what they needed... so then we sigh in relief and say, "I guess we pulled it off again."

The good:

Our problem drummer from last year- whom I was going to have to take aside and evict if he appeared, and which confrontation I have been dreading all year- did not show up to the event (although he was at the festival). I think he saw that Dru was coordinating drumming again this year, and didn't want to deal with her any more than she wanted to deal with him.

I was camped right behind the Crone Temple Of Wisdom this year. I decided to barge into one of their meetings and ask them to pass the hunt horn around their circle to bless it, which they did.

Cindy filled in for Pathwalker as the fire keeper. She did him proud (as I knew she would).

Our coordinating team was 6-out-of-9 female this year. Girl Power!

Finn Villaged for the first time. This made three Hunt coordinators plus three additional Herald Camp people. Herald Camp is truly taking over the Hunt. Darian wants to be in it next year, as well.

Herald Camp dolled me up- Margaret did a wild Celtic braided and ponytailed updo with my hair, and Thalia painted my face (black/red/silver). I asked her to accentuate my eyes- I wanted people to be able to see my expressions, but not recognize me. I got a lot of good feedback on this.

As I entered the circle through the chute of villagers, I was moved to put my hands out to both sides and touch them all as I went though.

As the Hunters entered the circle, I was waiting across the fire. This was the first time they had seen me (aside from a silent horned silhouette in the dark at the vigil). They entered and circled up at the fire, about 3 min apart. As each one came to the fire, I moved so that we were on opposite sides of the pit and stared hir down for the full three minutes. OMG, did that ever rattle their shit. ((evil giggle))  At least two of them were ex-military. One of these said in the post-mortem that I had scared the crap out of him. There was only one out of the 11 who would meet my eyes even briefly. I think this was my favorite part of the entire thing. When Bo came down after the final Hunter, I did the same thing to him- I didn't recognize him until he started speaking.

The bad:

I spent literally hours in the sun-blasted field behind the parking lot trying to learn how to blow Bo's hunt horn. That horn and I did not click. I figured it would take some practice, but I know I have the lungs for it- and I play bass clarinet. Eventually it got to where I could get a good sound about 6 out of every 7 blows. On the night of the Hunt, my first blast was perfect. Every one after that sounded like a water buffalo after the Elks Club Community bean dinner. This is a small thing, but it galled me because 1)I had put a lot of work into the effort; 2)my personal power (especially at PSG) is very sound-oriented... heralding and drumming; and 3)It ruined a dramatic moment. Nothing like looming up out of the woods with my face all glitter and blood, meeting a Hunter's eyes across the torch, having a fierce and intense staredown, sweeping the horn dramatically to my lips, embodying a badass warrior goddess, and then: weak bovine farting sound. Anticlimactic to say the least. If I do this again, I'm going to need to find my own hunt horn in time to get at least a few weeks of practice in.

Dru's lieutenant fell down on the job. I saw her with her head tipped back, eyes shut and jaw slack. She knows better. I don't know what the hell was going on with her. When I asked Dru later, Dru said she had been zoned out for much of the time. Inexcusable even had she *not* been the backup leader. I'm pushing for Michael, Bart or my Evil Twin as drum lieutenant next year.

All of the Hunters were Hunt virgins. I was fascinated to see how this would turn out. However, it did seem to negatively affect the way the Hunters play off each other. Bo and I were both of the opinion that we should give first dibs to people who had not had the chance to do it before. Yet now I'm feeling like it would be a good idea to try to avoid an all-virgin group of Hunters in the future.

The site is suboptimal. There really isn't anywhere else for us to go, though, so we're stuck with it. The cars passing on the road didn't bother me this year, but the Hunters were too spread out. There were 8 on the left side, and only the nearest three or four of those were visible at all from the circle. It made it really difficult for the Villagers to adequately work with them, as well as intensifying the aforementioned problems of the interaction between the Hunters themselves. Those farmost four on the left were impossible for me and Bo to even get to without stepping right on the borders between two other Hunt spaces.  Also, the sweat lodge is seriously in the way.

It seemed to be The Year Of the GPS-challenged Hunter. I blew the horn for one Hunter who immediately lit out in the opposite direction, toward the lake. I had to chase him, holler after him- for a minute I thought I was going to have to tackle him. He got turned around, then went for the stream. Another Hunter took off through the woods in more-or-less the right direction yet nowhere near the path- charged right between two other Hunt spaces, way too close, and I actually lost sight of him for a couple minutes. That was the scariest moment of the night- I was responsible for making sure each of my Hunters got into the circle okay. The most dramatic wrong-way of the night occurred when a Hunter crashed out from right behind the drummers and almost took out my Evil Twin, who was standing on the edge of the bloc. I tried to head him off, but could not.

It was also The Year Of the Downed Hunter. This is a non-speaking ritual, and we don't want to speak to them unless it's absolutely necessary- yet I ended up having to speak to SIX out of the eleven in order to chivvy them back up onto their feet. One was on the ground nearly comatose. At one point he was lying on his back. I got him up to a squat, but he was just hunched in on himself with his head in his arms. He would look at me occasionally, then go back to his fetal position. I couldn't get him up.  A second Hunter- when I found him down and screamed at him to get on his feet, pulled something out of his pocket and waved it at me. I couldn't see what it was, but I thought, "That can't be an inhaler...?" I had told them in the pre-meetings that if they had any medical conditions or other issues, to let me or Bo know. None had come to me with any, and when I asked Bo, he said no one had issues. (I chewed this guy out later for not telling us he had asthma... turns out he had told Bo and Bo apparently forgot to tell me. I apologized and said that I'd chew out Bo... which I still need to do.) This guy took about 2 full minutes to drag himself to his feet upon my command... that was a really powerful thing to watch.

Comatose guy... we didn't know quite what to do with him. When they're down, it can be really hard to figure out what is going on with them. Whether they're still working, or sunk uselessly in emotional trauma, or having a heart attack, or bored. Bo tried to get him up as well, and had no more luck than I did. He decided that we sould call that guy in first. Handed me the horn. No pressure. "What the hell am I going to do if I call him out and he just huddles there?" "Coax him." Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. It was such a temptation to shove this back on Bo... it was kind of a low blow to stick me with that situation for my very first calling-in on my very first Hunt as Huntmistress. But I *was* Huntmistress... this was my job, including coping with the clusterfucks. I took the horn and went. (Fortunately, Comatose Dude looked up when I blew the horn at him... then when I followed this up by thundering "IT'S TIME!!!!!!" He got up and went.

Dru, who has bad knees, collapsed as soon as the rit was over. I had to call Moonfeather (at 1am) and ask her to come over in the golf cart to truck Dru directly from the Hunt space to the med tent, where we spent half the night. Then the med staff trucked her to Herald Camp, where she slept in the dirt on the ground because she could not pull herself into her camper cab. Needless to say, she spent the rest of the week on her ass (we had to threaten to bungee her to her chair) and could not do any more Heralding. I thoroughly embarrassed her in the post mortem by relating the story and having the entire group give her a standing O. She said that I had almost made her cry. This is, incidentally, the second Hunt in a row that has ended with Dru in the med tent. Next year, she is using a chair whether she likes it or not. This will of course make it more difficult for her to charge any drummers. She didn't charge anybody this year, though.

While we were in the med tent, a stroke victim was brought in. The staff was like a kicked anthill, to the point that it scared me... I thought he was dying. Dru and I were sitting there ten feet away, telling each other chicken jokes while we tried to respect his privacy by avoiding looking and listening. The ambulance came, and the paramedics stared at me in my face paint and long Dracula-esque cloak (I had taken the antlers off, at least). The guy was back onsite the next day, on his feet. Great relief.

The interesting:

One of the Hunters took out her tiki torch. Fortunately I was standing right there at the moment, and was able to pick it up and right it before it extinguished or set the woods on fire. Bo came galloping out (putting out your tiki torch is the "emergency signal"). This Hunter was astonished when I told her about this incident in the post mortem. She had no memory of it.

One of the Hunters, every time she caught sight of me, stalked me like a panther along the borders of her space. I was a little anxious that that one was going to physically attack me. She later told me that I was her special challenge all the way through the process (this was also the only one who would make eye contact in the beginning).  She also said that this Hunt was the peak experience of her life. Wowza. To have a hand in that.

I have spent something-teen Hunts confined to a space as wide as my tai-chi-stance feet, and one of the things I was really looking forward to this year was being able to move around the space and get different perspectives. I hadn't taken four steps before I accidentally stepped between a Villager and the Hunter s/he was sending energy to, and it felt like I had stuck my finger in an electrical socket!!! Moving around the ritual space felt like navigating a tangled spider web of laser beams! After that first zap, I looked around carefully to see where people were shooting before I took a step!

The trip home: I just want to say that Alaska Airlines sucks.

When I placed my styrofoam box containing the antler crown on the scale, they said "You can't check anything in styrofoam- it's not adequate packing." Huh? "It's really THICK styrofoam." "Doesn't matter." Well, I knew I wasn't going to get those antlers through security as a carry-on (can't have me hijacking the plane with a bad ol' deer antler), so all I could do was stuff it in the top-loader duffle and hope for the best. The entire styro box wouldn't fit, so I took off the lid and hacked a few inches off the top edge, then packing-taped across the top. Then they made me sign a release saying that I wouldn't sue them when my antler headdress was ruined by being checked with "inadequate packing". WTF??!!? They make me take it out of its perfectly adequate thick styrofoam box and stuff it in a duffle bag, then sign a release because of course it's going to be destroyed? Why can't I just sign a release for the styro box? Wait, there's more. In order to get the hacked-up styro box into the duffle, I had to dump most of my dirty clothes, toiletries and other possessions out on the floor at the ticket counter and try to stuff them into my carry-on and shoulder bag. So I check the duffle and am about to walk away when they go, "You'll have to put that in the sizer (pointing to carry-on)." Of course now it's stuffed just full enough that the wheels won't fit into the sizer. "You'll have to check it. That'll be another $35."   I then proceeded to Security Theater where I declined the naked-picture machine and was forced to submit to being aggressively groped. At least checking the carry-on (with the bell drum inside) saved me from getting my bag rifled this time. They always search my bag when they see that bell drum on the x-ray.

I finally succumbed to Facebook- which I have been resisting all this time- solely because I *NEED* to get feedback from the Hunt participants, and that's just the only way a lot of people will engage you these days. It's been two days, and it has already gotten completely out of control. I "friended" everyone in Herald camp, the other Hunt coordinators,  Tasara and Tiff from Turtle Drum, and a handful of other PSG people that I'm particularly close to.  I was then DELUGED with friend requests from people I know and people I don't know and people I'm not sure I know. I'm the Herald- everyone knows me. Help! I'm drowning in "friends"!  Am I an asshole if I don't want to "friend" these 649 people? I am *NOT* going to get sucked that deeply into Facebook. Am I an asshole if I say- for example, "asshole" in a comment, now that Lilly from Herald Camp (age 10) is my Facebook Friend? (Although Lord knows her parents are some of the worst potty-mouths I've ever heard in my life, LOL...)

I had been looking forward to going back to class on Monday evening- but I had been really struggling with allergies all week, and by the time I left the campground, I had a sinus infection. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Back to work Tuesday. Boss is immediately all up my butt about piccayune stuff, and being sick doesn't help me stuff down the impulse to triangle her.

I have won a Tuckerization in Shirley Meier's current online novel! First I need to catch up on the chapters I missed while I was out of town, but this is going to be exciting!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Cliff Keene to the rescue



From school playgrounds to abusive marriages, from dark streets at night to our very private nightmares, the theaters in which the prospect of physical conflict divides humanity into fearful prey or fighters are more than can be numbered. -Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path


Friday evening, Bothell.

Pendulum sweep from guard, tripod sweep, arm drag from closed guard to squirt out the side and take the back.

Note the detail of grasping your own wrist to help wrench opponent’s grip off.

Although tripod sweep intrigues me, I’ve had difficulty with it in the past due to 1)the number of steps, 2)the grip changes, and 3)the fact that you have to use all 4 limbs at once doing 4 different things. This time it seemed somewhat more manageable. I hope that after it cycles through the curriculum a few more times, I might start to feel comfortable with it!

Worked with the white belt woman again. She is a feisty little thing! I had to remind her to not dig her nails in, to not bend my fingers back, and the difference between positional sparring (resistance) and drills (no resistance).  He h heh. She has a great grasp of some of the basics like shrimping, maneuvering her hips around, and jamming those knees in there. She is going to be very good if she sticks with it.

I was not able to complete the pendulum sweep when she resisted. At first I cranked at it, thinking I could/should simply bull her over…. If she weighs 120, I’m Beyonce. I couldn’t do it. That was a little frustrating, yet one could view it as, “If I can’t bull HER over, I should be able to resist such that other people can’t bull ME over.”

Somebody’s kid fell asleep in the lobby. When Cindy remarked on him, I suggested that maybe Will had sneaked out there and choked him out when none of us were watching.  ;)

I didn’t stay for sparring, as I had a pre-dawn work alarm set for morning.
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Turtle Drum. Parking in Ballard at night has become a nightmare in the last few months. I was on time, but had to drive around for 20 min trying to find somewhere to park. Like last month, ended up walking a good ten blocks. Left most of my paraphernalia in the car, since I was already barging in late.

Double guiro, egg shaker, Tiala (doumbek). Bells. Chanting. Everybody wanted to chant tonight, including several men, which was really nice. In most circumstances, the men are more shy about singing- which is a shame. It sounded incredible.

Kung Fu dancing- Black Crane (Black Crane 1) and White Crane (Walking the Path).
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The new antlers are here. Less awesome-looking, yet lighter and more manageable. I'm such a moron. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. But after half an afternoon of dorking around with coated wire, headbands and duct tape, it occurred to me to get out my old pair of Cliff Keene "Tornado" headgear. Strapped that baby on, wrapped the throat strap UNDER my hair at the nape of my neck and velcroed it there, wedged the antlers under the head-crown straps. Almost good enough placement- and almost stable enough- to wear just like that. Hallelujia. Needs some additional monkeying around... it would be really nice to completely remove the plastic ear cups, if that is possible... and it's going to take some creativity to camouflage.... but I think this is going to work.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Ambivalence


    Fisher had tried to enter the hole in the clouds six or seven times- but kept finding
herself back in her body, the bamboo raft pressing impassively against her
shoulderblades.   –The Hole In the Clouds





Thursday and Friday: Walk to work and back.

Saturday lunchtime BJJ, GB Sea. I only had enough get-up-and-go for the first of the two back-to-back classes.  I also was late again (third time in a row)! I don't have a good excuse for today. I really need to get my act together. Fortunately, I can jump in and function without a stretch out or warm up. The only things I really *need* to stretch out for are things like  flying spinning kicks and vigorous crescent kicks.

Standup: single leg setups.

Opponent has you in hir closed guard. You place hands on hir belt, turn one knee out and the opposite foot (toe loaded) out. Stand up. Opponent slides down your body and takes del a Riva guard with unhooked foot on your hip.

Now you grab the ankle of the foot that is planted on your hip (let's call it your left hip) and slam the sole to the mat. Hold it there while you ram your right hand between opponent's knees. Drop your left knee to the mat right against opponent's hip. Glue your left shoulder to opponent and put on weight. Keeping your right hand on the mat, crawl it toward opponent's head. Kick your trapped foot free, and complete transition to side control.

Saturday means many reps.

I told Angela that I love working with her, and feel that I always learn a lot when I do. It's important to verbally appreciate your good training partners.

I bought a used GB gi off a dude on Jiu Jitsu Forums. It is almost identical to my old blue GB gi, but there are a couple of minor patch differences. Casey noticed immediately, and asked if I had a new gi. I told him I found a used one, wondering what his reaction was going to be (I don't know if the school is getting kickbacks for selling these gi's, or have quotas, or what- but I figured he'd be annoyed that I hadn't surrendered my credit card). He didn't comment. Prof Carlos noticed too, and said that he was happy to see that my gi was "nice and blue" today. I answered that I was happy he approved.

Black-belt-Lindsey was there, and I was so happy to see him- it's been a while. I jumped on his back and RNC'ed him during a break, and then we rolled around for a few minutes. Blue-belt-Lindsey also jumped on my back and RNC'ed me. I didn't throw her this time- I said, "Didn't you learn your lesson yet??!?" I jumped on Cindy's back and choked her. I did not choke Rodrigo, but I did get a hug from him.
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Dru, when I ran my proposed Hunt role shift past her and Derek: "Kitsune, do you remember when Drake asked me to lead the drumming for the Hunt at Ravenstone and I felt blindsided by it? You said to me, "He wouldn't have asked you if he didn't think you were ready for it." The same applies here, so I'm quoting you to you."

I don't know whether to be more touched by her faith in me, or by the fact that she took my advice so to heart to remember it, follow it, and then years later quote me back to me.

Bo:  "...I was in contact with SilverDrake.  He knew who I was considering.  But did not want to offer his opinion until I chose because he did not want to influence me.  The night that I sent you the original e-mail I contacted him again and asked who it was that he thought was right.  He had chosen you as well.  Yet another reason that I believe spirit is offering this to you."

That's encouraging- and sobering- why was this so obvious to everybody when it never even occurred to me? Dru's and Derek's blessings means even more to me, though. They know the Hunt, and they know *me* better than Bo or SilverDrake do.

The main reason I've been dragging my feet is that I love- passionately love- drumming for the Hunt, and I passionately love leading the drumming for the Hunt. It's the high point of my year, there's nothing like it, and the thought of not doing it makes my soul weep. That part is selfish, but I don't apologize for it. It's also a lot of hard work, and I know that I serve my community well in the job.

I'm sure that assistant Huntmaster/mistressing would have its own fun, challenge, and spiritual growth. Cross-training is always a good thing (for both an individual and the team) for multiple reasons.

I'd like to try it. Who knows, I might like it even better. Or I might not like it, or we might find that I have no aptitude for it. Won't know unless we try, huh? I'm up for the challenge. Geez, it's going to hurt to not be drumming, though.

I've joked to Derek and Dru in the past about how Herald Camp is slowly and insidiously taking over the Hunt. I've really enjoyed (and counted on)  the way the three of us have worked together- both on practical and energetic levels- for years, and I think that's been a really good thing for the Hunt.  Now we're going to have one of us in each of the three major coordination roles. I'm excited about that. I think that could be unbelievably awesome.

Also, the coordinating team is 3/4 women this year. The Hunt started out pretty male-dominated, so that's kinda cool as well. I'll really miss Harry (who is on hiatus this year), but I'm excited to have Cindy (different Cindy) keeping the fire.
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Monday, March 18, 2013

A little story from PSG

 
 
 
There's no jiu jitsu in this. Names changed to protect the innocent.
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I was on the staff radio at an event, and the facilitator of a major evening drum-centric ritual had locked her keys in the car with all of her drums and other equipment in it.


She had a family member at home Fedex her the spare, and it was supposed to arrive "sometime" during that day.  If we were lucky. We were out in the middle of nowhere.


The rit was scheduled for 6pm, and she was semi-hysterical all day long.


She spent the entire morning and afternoon repeatedly calling staff up at the farmhouse and asking if her keys had arrived yet, and repeating with deadly earnestness, "PLEASE call the SECOND they get here. PLEASE. The very second. I really mean it. I'll send a runner up to get them. This is vitally important. PLEASE. Do you understand?" And tireless repetitive versions of same. (all the staff members have FRS radios on, and all campers in our vicinity can overhear them. Whatever you say on radio is going to be heard by every single staff member as well as about 2/3 of the general festival population. So we were all listening to this all day long.)


On approximately the eight-thousandth rep of her plea, one of the staff at the farmhouse responded, "Oh, yeah- your keys are here. Been here for a while. Want me to bring them down with me when I haul the dinner stuff down to the valley?"


There was dead silence on the radio for a very long, pregnant moment.


You could just feel the entire population of the valley (nearly 2,000 that year) hold its collective breath.


Now, you have to realize that the facilitator, Lou, is a drumming Fire Goddess with a volcanic temper and a positively acid tongue. I was sitting there alone in my tent with my radio, wheezing breathlessly with laughter because I was picturing all three hundred pounds, swirling red muumuu and wild arm-length afro hair of her, considering and discarding various responses and trying to come up with one that was okay to say over the air (again, most of the camp was listening, and anyone who knew Lou was holding their breath waiting for the violent shitstorm to unleash). The longer the silence stretched, the harder I was laughing.


A very, very long moment later, she finally said, in a very carefully neutral and quiet voice, "No, Fran, actually that's not okay. I'm sending someone up to get them right now."

Sunday, March 3, 2013

DQ for "mean"! ME!




We must defend ourselves according to our opponents' ability, not their intentions. -Koushun Takami

I frequently get blog hits on "Josh Waitzkin girlfriend".  ????  Are these from women who want to stalk him, or what?

Tuesday- day shift, so walked a mile each way from the nearest free parking to work and back.

I am also down to 2 caffeinated/sugared sodas per day. I know, still too much. Diet caffeine free A&W tastes better than diet caffeine free Dr Pepper or diet caffeine free Squirt. I agree there's something to this "diet pop gives you the munchies" thing. Studies have shown that people on diet pop continue to gain weight.

I've gone cold turkey on sugared pop before, and unfortunately I am not one of those people who magically lose several pounds just by cutting out pop. It doesn't make any difference either way for me regarding weight. But I'm hoping that cutting the caffeine will let me sleep a little better.
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Thursday: Met with Tasara & Tiffany Ann re: the drum ceremonies. They got lost and showed up late, so we didn't have as much time as we probably needed. We talked around a number of things, and never actually pinned down what minimum regimentation she requires of me. I think we were all afraid to broach it. After she went off on me last month, I'm feeling intimidated by her... and I think she's frustrated and unsure what to make of me because I don't run off at the mouth enough for her to know what's going on in my head. Turns out that the new host who bailed last month bailed *because* he was fighting with her- so it wasn't just me; she was fighting with everybody.

It was decided to do some outdoor ceremonies over the summer, and they made plans to repeat some of the events they had done last summer- so I am off the hook for a while, anyway. I had taken the dojo key with me, ready to give it back. I guess I have additional time to decide, now. I need to be better about actually showing up to the events that I'm not running. I did volunteer to talk up carpooling, since that was the bulk of the feedback we got from participants ("I love the event but I can't *GET* there"). As soon as I have a more reliable vehicle, I'm fine with picking people up.

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Saturday: Terry came over and fixed my motorcycle (yay)! He refused to accept payment, so after we argued about that for a bit, he said- "If you must, donate it to Cindy for her at-risk kids," I said, "Oooo- Axel doesn't have a real gi yet." He said, "That's a good idea." So I gave the money to Cindy.

Jalen, Eman and Axel are getting ready for a comp, so we did "mock tournament" today. Lamont was reffing, and I heckled him. After half a dozen matches, his brain was frying and he was ready for a break. There were a lot of confusing rules and permutations. Cindy refs ALL freakin' day at the Revolution. I would not want to attempt it. 

We were doing no-gi. The Revolution changed the rule about how you get takedown points if your opponent pulls guard. We also had to remember to play by "kids' rules"- ie, no guillotines, head-and-arm, or short choke. Dang. There go most of my marginal no-gi sub options. She also said "no turtling". I pooched my lower lip out. She was looking right at me, of course, and started laughing when she saw my face.

I haven't worked with Eman in a long time. He is a lot taller. You can tell he is going to be Carlos-shaped when he gets his full growth- tall with long, long legs. You can tell just by how long his feet are already. I knew he was good, but I have 40lb on him, so I went light on him our first match. He schooled me 18 to 6. So after that, I dialed it up a bit. Lamont DQ'ed me for placing my forearm in Eman's throat. Can you believe it?!? Lousy ref! I wasn't leaning on him- gimme a break, I wouldn't put a ton of of pressure on a 100lb kid's throat. I'm not like that. I just wanted to hold him still for a minute, because he was popping around like a Mexican jumping bean. They all thought I was being mean. I would have thought Cindy'd be proud of me for getting DQ'ed for being mean. She's always telling me to be meaner.

Trapped in bottom half guard a lot with Wei. He tapped me out with some kind of choke wherein he had his elbow on the mat and my head trapped under his armpit (facing his back). I got S-mount on him and kept it for a bit, and tried to choke him for a while but could not finish. He is very resistant to being choked.


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Later...........  Turtle Spirit Jam

Nice to not be on the hot seat for a change. I wore my new fox tail. If you are strange enough to ever need a fox tail- and don't want to be so morbid as to wear a real one- you want this guy, who does very nice work:

http://www.artfire.com/ext/shop/studio/OtterlyAmazing/1/7/779//

I had a little trouble getting situated in the car, and I finally placed the tail along my spine. I buzzed the McDonald's drive-through because I didn't have time to eat. I didn't think the tail was very visible, since I was leaning back on most of it- but the cashier peeked over my shoulder and chirped, "Nice fox tail!" **BLUSH**. I don't really mind if people think I'm a weirdo, but I'd rather not come off as some kind of sexual deviant.

Nice turnout. I did not take the recorder or the ocarinas. I don't feel quite proficient enough to even twiddle on them in public yet (still squeaking a little, and having a challenge staying on key). I took the double guiro again, but did not use it. Used the egg shaker and Ascha (large frame drum) only. I took my bamboo staff, but only did one dance with it because the area was so crowded. I couldn't do very many realistic moves. I was very careful, and did not hit anyone with my staff *until* I was leaving the dojo at the end and was trying to find my shoes in the pile at the door.

There were a handful of strong drummers, which was *REALLY* nice, and a few people singing/chanting. There was enough instrumental racket to preclude serious chanting- but near the end, I managed to get a bit of a mongrelized call-and-response  going. Me calling and a couple of the men responding. As soon as it was solid enough, I circumambulated the circle and managed to pick up a few female chanters joining my part. After *THAT* got established to a decent degree, I did a little free-form solo on top of it. I had to go up three octaves to make myself heard (it was THAT loud). That's higher than I like to sing (and not my best sound), but at least I stayed in key. Challenging. But when the free-form solo harmonies are flowing, you don't want to squander that! I've also had enough people compliment my singing at this point that I am more willing to go ahead and do it. Unfortunately, my voice doesn't hold out for very long in those upper registers. And now my throat feels all raw and furry.

 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

S-mount and ocarinas



Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.   –William Blake




Many thanks to those who sent me hugs after last weekend's debaucle. I really appreciate it.

Tasara and Tiffany Ann and I discussed it over e-mail some. If it was just the money thing, I think we could work it out. The woman is a control freak- she's the first to admit it- and she just wants the structure of the event a certain way. That is reasonable, since she is the founder and all- but my ritual style isn't very compatible with the hospital-corners approach that she favors. Too much rigmarole; too much (IMHO) assuming people are too stupid to figure out what's going on without being led by the hand; too much imposing one's own agenda instead of going with the flow and letting what wants/needs to happen, happen. Not only do I not enjoy doing it that way, I think it stifles the more timid people in the circle.

 Furthermore, my confidence crumbles under harshly-delivered criticism, and I'm starting to see that it's just *never* going to be good enough in her eyes.  The *participants* at all of my events seemed to have a great time, and the energy is good, so I'm going to focus on that upside. I'm not a bad leader- this situation is just not the ideal fit.

Tasara wants to meet in person and figure this out. I told her that I'm not hosting next month anyway (since I've just done two months in a row), and I want to just table it for a while and discuss it later. I may be clearer about what to do after some time has passed. (And, uh, SHE may be a little clearer later on as well....) I may just decide to bow out. I'm okay with that.

I brought the double guiro to the drum circle, and it has a nice sound (both registers of scrape-rattle, plus two registers of "woodblock" (more if I tap the handle, etc)). Housemate has a teeny little frog-shaped guiro, which I borrowed, and that was fun as well. Sounds just like a cricket. I forgot my egg shaker, though, and I really missed that. Note to double-check next time and make sure it's in the box.

I have dug out the sweet potato ocarinas. Haven't yet figured out what key they are in, but I did figure out that they are all the same- a set of 3 sizes- so if I can learn one, I should be able to play all 3 (altho the smallest one is annoyingly squeaky, and tiny enough for the fingering to be awkward even with my small and deft digits). Eight top holes and 3 bottom holes (the middle of which is always uncovered) on each. No holes covered is obviously the same note as all holes covered... and it's a sharp or flat, of course.... it would be way too easy if it began with a plain C..... but I will have to get my bass clarinet out to figure out which notes are which. I can make guesses by ear, but they are only guesses. May be able to find a rough fingering chart online, if I can ID the key.

Was appalled to find- while researching ocarinas online- that There's An App For That. Lord help us. You can now bring up an image of holes on your iphone and BLOW INTO THE BOTTOM OF THE PHONE and it will produce ocarina notes in accordance with how you place your fingers on the screen "holes". The song book that comes with it includes "Baby" by Justin Bieber and "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga as well as the Legend of Zelda theme song, Bach, and Debussy. Can you believe it? Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Also, I have ordered a kids' recorder (that should COME with a fingering chart). Cotton candy blue plastic see-through. Will probably only have one octave... but I can't resist musical toys. I added a plastic kazoo to the order as well.


Speaking of leading drum events, this year's site for PSG has still not been announced- which is disquieting. This means some sort of problem with the site. I'm hoping it will not be a new site again- that is stressful and a ton of work. Whatever issues they're having re: site means that they haven't even gotten around to contacting the onsite staff (which they usually start initiating in December), nor has anyone addressed the Hunt yet. I'm not sure who could step in for Beau if he does not do it (this is why we should all have a lieutenant- I love you Dru). Less lead time= more confusion and stress, so I hope they get their poop in a group pretty soon.

I don't know if I mentioned that my wood and skin djembe suffered a mortal wound in baggage handling last year. I think that with my recent layoff, I'm not going to deal with it this year- just take the Remo. But lest we have a second percussive death, I'm thinking about shipping Flame to Derek. I feel so bad about how much I lean on him for stuff like this, but I don't have many options. This, however, is another reason that the delay is chafing my nerves. If I have to ship drums, that needs to happen early. And Gawds, I'm already begining to dread having a confrontation with James. Am I awful if I hope he has a funeral to go to or something, and doesn't show up?

I need to get to an office-supply store or something and get some of those "Hello my name is______" stickers. Jo (my evil twin) said that she was going to have T-shirts made up... but in case she doesn't, we can wear stickers: "Hello my name is NOT KITSUNE"; "Hello my name is NOT JO".   Ha!
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Wednesday evening gi class at Sleeper Athletics. Cindy was ill, so Eric taught. "Seatbelt" ("prayer") guard pass. Standing pass utilizing a double-handed "joystick" grip on one sleeve cuff, push knee down, slide near knee through.

Then this: start like you're doing a bullfight pass, but instead of going to the side, cross-step your leg between your own arms and place the foot beside opponent's hip. Keep both pants grips and arch back for KOB. Then side mount.

I don't know about that KOB- the arm positions felt weird- but I like the "joystick" grip. It took me some fumbling to secure it, but it's good once I've got it.

King Of the Hill, pass vs sweep or sub. As usual, I am adequate at passing **IF** I can break closed guard. On the bottom only once, with the new guy. I spider guarded him right away and held him off for a bit, but then he passed.

Then rotating 5 min spars with Jalen and the new guy. I worked S-mount on the new guy, and it was going nicely- in that I was able to stay on top a lot. I was careful to hug that shin right up to his belly.  S mount, front mount, KOB, back again. I was on top a lot. Points up the whazoo. Unfortunately, he had really good choke defense and was muscle-defending the armbar, so I couldn't for the life of me finish him. I did kamikazi the armbar twice, using a good self-lapel grip and the "rolling" pry attempt, but I just couldn't make it happen.

Jalen- we started from standing, used the wall some (he got a nice reversal on me using the wall). I tried a double-leg takedown, telling myself, "Commit, commit..." I committed more than I usually do, but still not enough to make it work. He tapped me once with a kimura, and I tapped him once with a head-and-arm. It was hella sloppy- my arms were totally mispositioned- but I had him well pinned with his elbow at his ear, so I thought, "If I can just hold him here and keep microadjusting, hopefully I'll be able to get enough pressure on the side of his neck," and it took a while, but- Yay!

Had some fun matches tonight, felt pretty good, still feeling pretty good afterward.