The head: a vulnerable design flaw

  Curious friend: “What is guard, what does that mean?”
Me: “It means I can kick your ass while I’m sitting on mine.”   -Ginger Snaps



Thursday evening no-gi in Bellevue.

Carlos still called us "girls" a couple of times, but I think he was making a conscious effort and trying not to.  ;)

I stupidly tried to put in my contacts in the car with too little light, and ended up losing one. It felt like it was still folded up in there, but I could not find the damn thing. I had to call Amy (she's a nurse when she's not kicking ass in the cage) off the mat to poke around in my eye, but she couldn't find it either. I had to work blind. I still don't know what happened to it. Eye is all swollen up.... hope I won't have to go to the Urgent Care for this. At least I was able to do the class and then drive myself home.

Driving drills- pummelling, shoulder throws, armbars from mount, standing rear naked choke defense to takedown with shoulder lock to KOB. Drilling with Amy, you know you are going to work hard.
The shoulder throw ends with the thrower on both knees... I always want to cheat this because my knees hurt. Really need to get way UNDER opponent, and snug hir armpit right into you hard, then sort of meld into one with hir as you bow to the mat. Then you have to unmeld in time to not go over with hir, but  move to KOB.

Carlos yelled at me for trying to cheerlead a white belt through her last set of armbars. Usually this is a thing he encourages, so I was confused and hurt. Two minutes later, he was sitting in a corner with his shirt pulled over his head. Turns out he had a massive migrane. I'm choosing to believe it was this that caused him to snap at me, and not that he hates me.

Four years ago- or even two years ago- this small event would have sent me into an epic spiral of self-hate and doubt and flagellation..... "Carlos yelled at me... he hates me....I can't face him again..... I suck....did I really do something wrong? It's probably because of that exchange we had last week about "girls" vs "women".... that's why he hates me.... was I out of line with that? I suck..... Was I rude and inappropriate to that white belt? Did I make her feel uncomfortable? Did I look like an ass in front of the whole class? Everybody hates me..... I hate myself..... I suck..... I can never face any of these people again....." Yeah, stupid, I know. And yet. Welcome to the world of anxiety disorders.  I don't know if it's being on meds, or feeling more comfortable with Carlos after five years, or just maturity- but I didn't spiral too badly this time. I spiraled some. But not with the usual severity.  And I made a point of facing him on Friday and asking if his head felt better, instead of slinking away because I was sure he hated me.

Friday women's class: Same shoulder throw we did yesterday; another standing rear naked choke defense ending in a reap instead of the shoulder lock and pulling-to-floor; and the donkey-kick standing guard pass to KOB. I have done this donkey-kick thing enough now to know where my trouble issues are. It really needs to happen in 3 steps, not twenty because I am shuffling my feet around trying to get them in the correct position for the KOB. Getting it down to 3 steps requires beginning with the outside foot planted WAY out, not beside opponent's body, it requires actually USING the push-and-bounceback of the shin on the opponent's thigh instead of just going through the motions, and it requires HOPPING that outside foot in and donkeying the other leg back IN THE SAME MOTION. Once I get really focused, I can do it, but the stupid side is very stupid. The hunching over is also tough on my back.

On the last round of reap drill reps, Chrisanne's breakfall was less than optimal, and she got her chimes rung pretty bad. I felt terrible. I have quit treating her like an egg and usually go about 85% on her, but I may need to backpedal and be a little more gentle. Of course, she tried to get right up and continue, but Carlos and Doug and I told her in no uncertain terms that she needed to just lie there for a minute. They put me with Christy, who is training for Pans, and churning out guard pass reps like a damn machine. I was in awe, and said so. Her throws are also painful. I didn't take any bad falls like Chrisanne did, but drilling two complete throws in one class to the extent that we did was a bit much. Just a lot of constant brain jarring. My head ached all night and still aches this morning. I had to take an ibuprofen, which I almost never do. I pinged Chrisanne to make sure she was alive, and she is. After she had refused my offer of a ride home,  I had quizzed her on concussion symptoms, and made her promise that if she had any, she would ask her son's girlfriend to drive her to the Urgent Care. I know this isn't really my fault (or at least MOSTLY not my fault), but I still feel awful. Chrisanne had a terrible week at work, and I put the cherry on top by almost giving her a concussion. (And not that this is important- weighted beside giving Chrisanne a concussion- but it did cross my mind that this incident is not going to do anything good for Carlos' apparent view of me as a reckless, dangerous Godzilla on the mat.)

My head ached too much to consider the all-levels class that came after this one- even if I'd had the energy, which I don't think I did.

Maybe I should have been offended instead of relieved?

My crystal ball has never been very good. I've noticed that bad things generally happen to me when I'm not expecting it rather than when I am expecting it. For example, I've never been in a _planned_ car accident. I've never had a flat tire I was expecting to get. And the day my middle son was struck by lightning, we sure weren't expecting that to happen!
 That's why my default setting is to carry the gun, even at times and in places where I "feel safe."
-Kathy Jackson, Cornered Cat



Thursday no-gi and Friday evening gi in Bellevue.

More double-leg setups from standing.

Double-leg attempt to be met with sprawl.

Opponent bearhugs you from behind. You drop down to clear the forearms, lift them in front of your chest, turn body to the side, and step one foot behind opponent's foot. Takedown. If they defend, we lifted them off the ground and sort of contact-improv'ed them across our lower backs to drop them on the other side. I've never done anything like that in BJJ. It was unexpected to be picked up like that. It's something I don't usually think to do to an opponent (in BJJ). Judging by everyone else's response to the concept, it might be worth experimenting with live. Particularly as I have lately had the recurring thought that I ought to be working harder to formulate my nonexistant bottom game and should stop always leaping for the top.

Opponent is turtled. You do a "sash grip" over one shoulder and under the other. Switch legs and stick your far knee under hir belly, pull hir into back mount. At this point it was essential to be sure you had a grip with your fingertips digging into the palm of your opposite cupped hand. I do not like this grip and had to readjust it every rep. It was also essential that the arm OVER opponent's shoulder had the palm toward the ceiling (another thing I had to pause and check, and usually adjust). After getting your back mount points, move into S mount. Scoot the front leg way up on hir chest and sit down, bringing other leg around and over hir floorward shoulder. Now, if you dig your forearm bone into the side of hir neck (this is why the palm of this arm had to be facing up) and pinch your knees together, it was a nasty choke. Usable in no-gi. If you do it wrong it becomes a crank, so be careful. I like S mount, and I found that my usual positioning needed a very conscious adjust to move that front leg from belly to chest. If it wasn't far up enough on the chest, the move did not work. If everything was positioned correctly, we didn't even have to lean back or knee-squeeze, it already hurt bad enough to tap.

Spider guard sweeps- pull opponent's arm across your chest before sweeping. Neglecting to control the arm and neglecting to be aggressive enough about breaking down the opponent's posture are two persistant problems with my sweep game. I got WAAAAAAAAAAAY under my partner and manhandled her balance around.

Same entry, only instead of sweeping, place foot on opponent's shoulder blade and use a turned-in knee to elbow-lock. This was beautifully nasty- I love it. It is very Cindy-esque. Ha ha. I can't wait to try this on someone live. Preferrably Chrisanne, who missed this class. (Insert evil chuckle)

King of the hill- back mount vs escaping back mount. I am fairly good at escaping back mount, but I am hopeless as a backpack- and since that's where I was for this entire cycle, things did not go very well for me.

Carlos cautioned me TWICE this week for what he saw as me doing a technique too fast/rough- in both cases, I had my usual perfect exquisite control and there was absolutely no danger. This frustrates and offends me. I accidentally made Kelly yelp *ONCE* about three years ago (on a technique that I had done to numerous kung fu classmates about 3x as hard and they didn't react), and I think that one unfortunate occurance has really stuck in Carlos's mind and he has me irrevocably pegged as someone dangerously careless. I'm about the most careful and controlled MA'ist on the WHOLE PLANET, so it winds me up when he does this. (Maybe THAT is why he didn't put me with his girlfriend! He put her with a WHITE BELT! Hmmm, maybe I should be offended!)

Brain Surgery

There’s a difference between inflicting lethal damage and stopping power. Someone can be fatally wounded and still functional enough to take you with them. Mostly it depends on how dedicated they are to taking you out. Pain alone won’t stop someone hellbent on killing you.   –Campfire Tales From Hell


Missed a day of hiking due to rain (still did the multiple mini-walks). Otherwise, still hiking/walking every morning.

I am on drugs! I have an antianxiety med and a sleeping pill. I insisted that the doc not give me anything potentially addictive, and no refills on the sleeping pills (if I want a refill, I will go back to the clinic and we will have a discussion about my level of reliance). It's only day 2, and I'm still on half-dosages of each. The only thing that has happened so far (aside from a mild headache) is that while dozing about 12 hours after taking the first half-tab of the antianxiety med, I had a bizarre mental picture of a bunch of bats and rats and pigs with sharp edges, flickering like newspaper on fire. Since I do not do substances (well, until now... sigh), I have never before had the experience of finding a thought in my brain that was obviously a foreign insertion. It was very odd. 
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Thursday evening no-gi in Bellevue.

Various basic drills... with RUNNING LAPS between each. We even had to watch the demo of each drill WHILE we were running.

Short spars with rotating partners, no subs allowed. Lots of them- like 12 or 14. Fortunately the room was jam packed with purple and brown belts. There was one lonely white belt in the room (he looked up the line and stage-whispered, "Hey- is this an advanced-only class???").
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Friday evening BJJ in Bellevue. Rodrigo was there to teach tonight!

Great warmup roll with Casey. He let me slap on a number of subs, and get within a hair of finishing them, and then slithered out with ease.

Double leg setups shifting to single-leg. Scoop your arm (the one in front of the opponent) under hir thigh so that you are almost grabbing hir ass, and step backward while you pull hir to the floor. Place your hand on hir hip, "Slide into home" over hir thigh, side control.

Stand up in closed guard (don't forget to grab the sleeve cuff first!). As opponent opens guard and slides to floor, frame up your elbows on your knees and wedge yourself between hir knees. Press one knee to the mat and slide the *FAR* knee through, placing it in hir armpit (it is important to get this high). Make sure to keep your toe down until you backsit to move to side control.   This move- which is not exactly brain surgery, and I use it all the time- was AWFUL on the Stupid Side for some reason.  As usual, the first time I tried it on the stupid side, that's when the prof chooses to come by. He of course questioned why I can't do this very simple thing, and I said, "It's the Stupid Side," whereupon he instructed, "Do the Stupid Side again."   (Argh!)

This last technique actually *WAS* brain surgery......

Same entry, only when you press the knee to the floor, instead of hugging the head to pass, you take the arm closest to opponent's head and wrap it over hir thigh. This presents your shoulder the the mat near hir ribs (your back patch in hir face). Roll, and as you go over, catch hir leg and hook your knees together. If you do this right, as you roll upright again, you force hir into a roll. As s/he rolls, maneuver hir into your back mount. (You must hip escape a bit to make this work). Get hooks. Choke.

I have never done this before (although it has been done to me many times), and it hurt my brain- but Rodrigo demo'ed it about a billion times, so I was surprised when I succeeded. Even more surprised when my white belt partner marveled "You make it seem so smooth!"  Still, this is way too complex for attempting live at this point. It normally takes three times of a given technique coming around in the teaching rotation before it really starts to gel for me.

Lots of reps of all of these.

Found out that said white belt partner has NEVER sparred, so it was a good excuse to stay for one roll. She was assertive and heavy on top, but I was able to handle her, and give her some pointers that she seemed very appreciative of.

A double dose of Dave

The guys who are the most dangerous are usually the ones who- to use a poker term- have the smallest “tells”. It’s not the wild-eyed, drooling-in-your-face mad dawg who’s the most dangerous. (Although odds are good such a person will beat you bloody if you give him an excuse.) Be far more concerned about the guy who doesn’t seem concerned about your “message” of what a big bad ass you are. Take for example the guy who- calmly- leans back in his chair and keeps his voice level- while his hand floats out of sight under the table. If someone isn’t getting uptight about your threat displays, odds are you dun tree’d yourself a bad ‘un.   –Campfire Tales From Hell



Saturday lunchtime no-gi in Kirkland. Cindy was not there because she was at a seminar, but it was very nice to see Dave... and Dave... again.

 haven't been to a Dave class in a long time, and it was amusing as heck to see how much he is turning into Cindy. Not just the way he moves, but his SPEECH PATTERNS as he teachers are mimicking hers. It's a compliment. I'd love to be able to turn into Cindy. I doubt I have the raw material, though!

Standing guard pass vs replace open guard drills, standing guard pass to KOB drills, standing guard pass to KOB to stepping over the head and going to KOB on the other side. Note that when you step over, your shin should be touching the hip already.

Front mount to setting up what looks like it's going to be a mounted triangle, but then turns into an armbar. You do not need to step over and lie down. Dave placed his shin on the opponent's face. I hate kneeling on my partners' faces. The girl I was working with had no problem doing so to me. Thus her mounted triangle position and armbars were nice and tight, and mine were loose because I was trying to be gentle. Good for her,  you go girl!

Positional sparring from front mount. Retain vs sweep/escape.

The woman asked what belt I was, and I told her that this is no-gi, so it doesn't matter. I was trying to fly under radar for the people I didn't know (I like that we are not pressured to wear belts for no-gi at Kirkland), and I kept having to stop myself from automatically going to the front of the line when we lined up at each break. I did notice that after we did the positional sparring, when we lined up again, my partner deliberately moved over to my left to put herself- not me- at the end of the line.

Spars with my female partner, a guy I don't know, then Dave (the other one). I was able to control the woman easily. I was able to defend getting tapped by the guy, although I spent considerable time under side control. Dave is always nice to me and refrains from tooling me when we spar, but I got several chokes on him that were *almost* taps. I continue to stick my feet under people's armpits begging them to ankle lock me, and I should know better than to do that with DAVE, as he loves attacking feet.

Begging for an omoplata

 Japan has a concept called Shu-Ha-Ri. You can find it not just in martial arts, but in almost any traditional Japanese art.
The first stage is “Shu” which means “to preserve”. At this level, the student is expected to copy exactly what is presented until it becomes habit.
Then is the “Ha” stage, which means “to break”. Now the student starts to take apart and examine the material. With a strong base behind him, he has good examples of how things should be, and he has room to mess with things and determine the reasoning and principles behind them.
The final stage of “Ri” means “to separate”. At this point, the seeker is expected to take the core principles and make new expressions of them different from what he has been shown.  –Campfire Tales From Hell


Yard work in the morning.

Thursday no-gi in Bellevue.

The Revolution is in two weeks, so we are doing a lot of positional training and king of the hill.

I find KOTH in no-gi to be particularly frustrating, as my usual lag behind the curve is more noticable then ever here. When it's a "pass vs sweep", "sub vs escape" type exercise, there's very little room to recover from and compensate for the inevitable "I'm just going to hoist you over and place you where I want you because you're so tiny" maneuvers.

One roll with Ron, whom I have not worked with in a very very long time. Unfortunately it has not been long enough for *HIM* to forget that I like to snatch guillotines from standing, and he was able to defend successfully. We both caught ourselves sticking feet in one another's armpits begging to be footlocked. A persistant bad habit still needing more work.

Carlos pointed out another bad habit that many of us were doing... I'm not sure if I am doing it, but I need to pay attention and make sure I'm not... placing a hand on the mat beside opponent's opposite hip while passing guard, before getting fully past the legs. This is begging for an omoplata. You need to place the hand on the hip. It is entirely likely that I am committing this sin, as I tend to drape myself very low over the opponent while passing guard, and I don't like to brace on the opponent's body because I'm scared of getting swept.

Whoo-hoo, live tripod sweep!

With developments in technical competence and the application of the technique in training, grading, or competition, the self confidence of the student improves. He sees his improvements as successful efforts on his part. Success breeds success, and success breeds self-confidence. The two go very much hand-in-hand. A successful and confident student looks forward to training and enjoys the learning environment. A happy student learns faster than an unhappy one because he enjoys what he is doing, and because the skills are consciously and subconsciously associated with pleasure, they are retained for longer. In that the reverse is also true- that failure breeds lack of confidence  and dissatisfaction with training- the learning environment has to allow for the student to succeed in what he is doing, no matter what his level of ability or competence.  Tony Gummerson, "Teaching Martial Arts"


No-gi in Bellevue. It was very tempting to not go in today. It was 85 degrees in the house even after the sun had set (which it does at around 2pm even in high summer at my place- such is life in the mountains).

Of course Carlos shut the garage door and turned off the fans before he began class.  Guy is a sadist.

We started with a great deal of pummelling with rotating partners. This is a great way to work up a hell of a sweat on a hot day. Two of my opponents were male teenage white belts who were obviously discomfited with the fact that they were pummelling someone who had boobs, and that said pummeling could not be accomplished without coming into repeated contact with said boobs. I went a little hard and was just very matter-of-fact about it.

Standing guard passes. Press knee and hip, slide over thigh with near knee. Carlos corrected me on a persistant sin of mine- I fail to trap the near arm in side control. OVER THE SHOULDER AND UNDER THE HEAD. I need to ask Chrisanne to start calling my attention to it when I fail to remember that.

If foe turns toward you and tucks in a top knee shield- Underhook the thigh high up on your shoulder and pass on the opposite side. (Note that the forearm that is not hugging the thigh needs to be ALL THE WAY across opponent's waist. This is where I want to deploy yet another bad habit of mine- reaching up and placing it beside the opponent's neck.)

Now- opponent knee shields your first attempt to pass and then foils your second attempt by hanging that leg heavy (I use that defense frequently).... switch back to pass #1. Opponent (that little rat) now pushes on your knee to try to deny you yet again. Quickly switch the placement of your legs and drop both knees to the floor (note that getting both knees on the floor is the part that goes out the window for me when I try to do it on The Stupid Side). Hug that leg very closely to your torso and use the arm furthest away from that leg to reach over your head and catch the ankle/foot.  Push that leg down and away (don't get lazy and just drop it- PUT it where you want it) and pass. Don't forget to trap that arm.

A little king-of-the-hill... takedowns. (Did I mention that Carlos is a sadist?) I got a nice takedown on one of the aforementioned white belts.... took his back and then pulled him down and rolled into mount.  Otherwise, got pretty plowed by the rest of the guys and by Amy (who has great wrestling takedowns). One of the guys swept me up in his arms like a bride and laid me gently on the mat.

One incredibly fun roll with Amy, 20 or 30 minutes. Lots of standup, which is always a good thing. I got one tap on her, which was very exciting. It was a rear naked, after several near misses of same. I reminded her to keep her chin down, and warned that I would be watching her MMA fight next week and that if she let that girl get a rear naked on her, she was going to be answering to me.

I also got a sweep, which was much more exciting than the tap, as I rarely try sweeps live and even less rarely get one. And in no-gi, too! This was a tripod sweep, which I don't think I have *ever* gotten live (I consider it a complicated technique- too many different hand and foot positions need to happen at once for me to readily wrap my brain around). It worked like a charm, and just when I thought life couldn't get any better, I actually followed up by getting up and getting on top. Normally, when I am sitting on my butt with my feet in front of me, I have a bitch of a time getting up and getting on top with any speed or alacrity. On the rare occasion when someone goes down and I am caught in this position, I flounder there on my ass like a harpooned sea lion while they pop back up and pounce upon me. Recently we have done a significant amount of drilling of a technique or two that involved getting up and getting on top from this position, and it seems to have helped. I would be so happy to find myself past that particular sticking point... but we shall have to see if I can replicate the trick or if it was a freak fluke.

Amy of course got several things on me, primarily her excellent guard passes.

Anyway, it was a *really* fun roll... not just because of the sweep, the whole thing was fun- the type of roll that reminds me of why I do this. I need to try to roll with Amy more often. Starting from standup, if possible.

Why yes... an ear-ectomy would indeed eliminate the need for headgear.

Use of force is a “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” issue. “This one is too little. This one is too  much. This one is just right.” Campfire Tales From Hell



Thursday:

2 mile walk.

I went to the optometrist and got a different contact lens prescription. I have gotten slightly blinder. I still hate contacts, and tend to put them in right before class and pop them out immediately after. It is a constant source of irritation to me that I have to wear glasses- I am painfully aware that if a real defense situation occurs, all the Bad Guy has to do is hit me in the glasses and break them, knock them off, or even just bend them- and I will be fairly hamstrung in both a practical sense and in the realm of self-confidence. I told the doctor that I would really like to find a type of contact that is actually comfortable enough to wear all day, and will not make my head hurt when I try to do tasks that involve intense focus. I have now been wearing the brand that I am currently test-driving for two days- all day. They are better than the old ones, but I can still feel them in there and am still experiencing some amount of drying, itching and irritation. I am going to try to make myself keep wearing them as much as possible until my recheck appointment (although I'm not sure if that's going to be practical at work, with the microscope).

No-gi in Bellevue.

I think I mentioned in my last posting that I left my headgear at the school YET AGAIN. Tonight, I walked in and saw Carlos hanging around talking to some people. I didn't want him to see me searching for the headgear, so I went away and did something else for a while. Then I came back to peek in, and he was on the mat busy with some kids. But as soon as I crept across the floor and stuck my head into the office to see if my headgear was in there, he's yelling "KEEEEEEEEETSUNE!" across the mat. I turn around, and he's glaring at me and pointing to the corner of the room by the water cooler. I had to do the Walk Of Shame across the room while he glared at me. I apologized for about the five hundredth time. Then he suggested that if he amputated my ears, I wouldn't have to worry about it any more.

Pummelling, double-leg setups. Carlos is fixated on these two drills lately. Chrisanne's double-leg setups look and feel so incredible. I wish mine were half that good. I asked her if she ever tries them live, and she said no. I told her that she should.

 I was too lazy to blog this class last night, and now I can't remember everything we did.    :P   I do remember doing more double-leg setups with the other person sprawling, and then with a guillotine. We also spent a decent amount of time doing timed flow rolling with rotating partners.

I do remember that at the end, I had a great roll with Chrisanne. It was very very hot, but we resolved to spar at least a bit. She did a double leg takedown on me, and it worked beautifully.

When we were both lying on the mat dying, she said, "Dude. We rolled for forty minutes." It felt like fifteen. I could have kept going, but she was done.

I remembered to take my headgear home with me tonight. Nor did I forget my water bottle or my belt.

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Friday:

Another two mile walk.

I went to Lindsey's studio and got my hair cut. It was so nice to see her. I really miss her on the mat. And while I looked like a real sex kitten with my shaggy curls tumbling over my eyes, it was driving me crazy. So nice tonight to not have hair in my face.

BJJ in Bellevue. Hotter than hell in the gi.

After the ubiquitous pummelling and double-leg setups... 

Standing reverse DLR guard passes. Press against the thigh, then when opponent pushes back, donkey kick, pass, and go to KOB.

Same, but opponent turns in to you and pushes your knee. Add a spinning armbar.

Same, but you don't sink all the way into a good KOB- and opponent tries to single-leg you. Spinning armbar the OPPOSITE way. Note that this version does not involve stepping one foot backwards over the opponent. Your butt is the only thing that goes over. I struggled a bit with that.

Lots of drill reps, lots of getting up and down (which always exhausts the hell out of us old ladies), very very hot. But we both held up pretty well. Much mutual cheerleading. I wish I could better communicate to Chrisanne about the Dragon-ish recycling of energy. I tried to explain how to swing your leg and use centrifugal force to get yourself back up off the floor easier. I have several times tried to explain the paddleball analogy of bouncing the energy back into the next movement- and the next rep- instead of letting it go "splat" and expended/wasted. I don't feel like I'm getting through- but focusing on trying to be a good example of these at least helps me do more reps faster, and keep my mind (to some degree) off of how hot and exhausted I am.

Again, it was far too hot to roll after class.

I remembered to take my headgear home with me again. I also walked right past the barbeque for the second Friday in a row. I've been eating a lot of chicken and eggs, but am still struggling mightily with my soda addiction. I did two per day for about two weeks, then backslid a bit. I'm down to one can when I get up, one at work, and a third when I get home from work. I am much weaker on my days off. If I'm home for any length of time, it's very difficult to stay away from the fridge pack. If I'm out doing classes and other things away from the house, I'm fine most of the day but then I tend to binge with a couple of cans when I get home. I substitute juice or water at work (I know juice is full of sugar, but it's better than pop... and I can kick the juice easy once I have the pop thing under control). I'd really like to eliminate that third morning soda. By the time I get home from work, I am tired and grouchy and jonesing for it. I often struggle similarly with eating bad things in the morning when I get home from work, so this is a destructive pattern for me. I've been good for the last few weeks about just not having trigger foods in the house. Man, this Dr Pepper, though. What do they put in this stuff, heroin?? I'm so glad I stayed the hell away from alcohol and drugs. If I'm this weak with caffeine and sugar, I have no business messing with anything more addictive than that. So glad I was wise enough to know this from the beginning.

There are no anonymous mouthguards.

Will you spend your time and pursue your training in a doomed attempt to not die? Or will you train to live harder and truer? –Campfire Tales From Hell



Thurs no-gi in Bellevue:

There was a massive, delicious-smelling buffet in the lobby when I walked in. I walked right by. Carlos told me that there was food (like I could have missed it). I said, "I didn't come here to eat." I thought he'd like that, but he informed me that I was being rude. Again with the awkwardness and frustration of trying to make better diet decisions in a world that constantly wants to shove food in your face. And again with the cultural minefields. Five years with this guy and I still can't always figure out what's going to offend him.

Pummelling.

Pummelling to backtake.

You have butterfly guard. Hug opponent around torso, lie back- load and lift.
Same, only now opponent whizzers you on one side. Grab hir wrist and hold it there while you remove your arm. Press hir wrist to hir own belly as you use your free arm to hug hir around the torso, lie back, and load-lift.

Same, only now as you lie back, yank hir arm hard across your bodies and kick with your opposite foot to spin the opponent and drop hir into your back mount. Hooks. Choke. Note- don't forget to grab hir wrist in the backmount. This is a detail that I persistantly forget across multiple techniques.

You standing, opponent sitting. Rocking-chair hir back. S/he sits up and wraps hir left arm around your right thigh. Dive your right hand UNDER hir arm. Place the blade of your left forearm on the back on hir neck. Gable grip. Sprawl. (ow... this made me want to tap right then... neck crank and spine bend.... and I was scared of what would come next) Rotate your arm circle so that your left bicep is facing the mat. Kick right leg through and drop to the mat. Head and arm choke. If you can't get it, inch your body toward opponent so that your chest/belly cranks it worse (ow). I'm so happy I was doing this with Chrisanne. If it had been some big dumb whitebelt, I think I would have faked a stomachache and bailed. It was scary enough with Chrisanne.

Two phenomenal rolls with Chrisanne and one phenomemal roll with Danny.

Walked past the buffet a second time.


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Fri gi in Bellevue.

Same agenda, minus the head-and-arm, and plus this:

After the pummelling and backtake, your attacker lifts your feet off the floor in a bearhug. You need to achieve a slight shift to the side before s/he lifts you. Then you can hook a shin around hir chin from the outside as you are lifted, preventing hir from lifting you any higher or from throwing you. As s/he drops your feet to the floor, you bend your knees, reach between them, and grab hir foot. Yank. As soon as you have hir on hir back, kneebar. Then drop the leg, lift the foot that is between hir legs, and pivot to move to KOB. You can add a face/throat strike here (this is self defence), or- if you are working with Chrisanne- you can beep her nose.

Many drill reps, as Carlos is wont to due on Friday nights.  Chrisanne and I had aching legs from the night before. I started out the butterfly boosts really strong (it was fun and felt good) but I slowed down considerably as time went on. Chrisanne gained eight pounds with each set. It was partially that I was already sore from the previous night's reps, and partially that I was glucose-deficient (I had eaten lunch, but run errands before class, and should have bought a sandwich or something before going in), but mostly it was the fact that I am old.

I got a compliment from Carlos on my butterfly sweep to backtake- he liked my snappy foot kick as I twirled my enemy into my back mount. Chrisanne and I were both struggling a bit with the the fact that we were tired enough by then to make the technique quite physically challenging to complete even if we felt like we knew/understood the steps.

Positional training from butterfly guard. I suck from butterfly guard. Chrisanne is better at this than I am. She swept me two or three times, and I got squat.

I was too hungry to stay for sparring. It was punishingly hot and muggy, too.

Carlos (pointing at a random mouthguard lying on the floor): "Rodney! Your mouthguard!"

Me (wonderingly): "You can identify everybody's mouthguards on sight?"

Yes. He can.

"We get a little sweatier here."

If even for the blink of an eye you can control two of the other guy’s limbs with one of yours, either with angle or timing or some sort of clinch, then the opponent is in grave danger.  - Josh Waitzkin, “The Art Of Learning”



No-gi in Bellevue.

Carlos is out of town, so Ben taught class. He decided on "all spars"  ;)  He let us open the big door, which was wonderful.

Ben and I were talking to a brand new white belt in the lobby before class, and Ben said something about washing his gi and belt....

White belt guy: "Wash your belt? Are we supposed to wash our belts?"
Ben: "PLEASE do."
WBG: "We didn't wash our belts at my tae kwon do school."
Ben: "We get a little sweatier here."

When I heard that Ben was going to have us do all spars, I told him that Chrisanne was coming in, and to please make sure she didn't end up with any huge spazzy assholes. He said that he hadn't been planning to match people up. I gave him a Look. He matched people up. Thanks Ben.

I told Casey how much I had enjoyed having Lindsay back in class last week. He told me that she had been happy too, and that she'd been scared to work with anyone except him and me..... and she'd said that I was even better than he was. That made me feel so, so, so, so good. Few things make me feel better than knowing that I was a excellent partner to my teammate.

I also had a chance to mention to Sean that Ben and I had been marvelling over him before class... that he is here ALL THE TIME, and busting his buns, and getting really, really good. So technical. He got all smiley and said, "I just love this." I said, "I know, right?"  :)  I enjoy giving people positive feedback, especially when I notice that they have been putting in a lot of time and hard work.

I had all good rolls tonight. All with people better than I, which is how we learn. And Carlos wasn't there to yell at me for setting up kneebars, so I tried to set up a few on Ben and Casey, but of course I failed. I did get two nice taps, though- a straight elbow lock on Sean and an RNC on somebody else (can't recall whom at the moment). Everybody tapped me left and right, but I was really happy to get those two taps- with this caliber of opponents, when you get a tap, it means something.

"Careful- Carlos will yell at you!"

In all athletic disciplines, it is the internal work that makes the physical mat time click, but it is easy to lose touch with this reality in the middle of the grind. - Josh Waitzkin, “The Art Of Learning”


Thurs evening No-gi in Bellevue.

Pummelling to backtake. Carlos emphasizes the changing of levels as you duck under foe's arm (which I always want to cheat because of my poor knees).  I am good about remembering to always capture an arm as I take the back, but I'm not good about remembering to capture the correct arm.  I am aware that part of my sloppiness and reluctance about getting and maintaining wrist grips (especially in no-gi) is because my brain assumes that with most partners, I will not be able to keep the grip due to the largeness of their wrist versus the smallness of my hand. I think I am also subconsciously timid about injuring my thumb. Carlos usually uses a "C" grip. I don't feel secure with that grip. I should experiment with it more often, though.

You standing, opponent lying on hir back with soles toward you. Place palms on hir belly (Note- have elbow bent and splayed a bit outward so as not to invite an armbar.). Dance feet from side to side, ending in a partial squat with alternating opponent's feet between your knees. After a few reps, slide near knee over hir thigh and pass. UNDERHOOK THE FAR ARM (this is my persistent weakness) and trap near arm under your own armpit.

You standing, opponent sitting, handfighting. Grab foe's ankles and rocking-chair hir back. As s/he sits up again and tires to grab half guard, grab hir right ankle with your L hand and press your rt palm to hir ribs. (Note- have elbow bent and splayed a bit outward so as not to invite an armbar. Also, so not let hir put that sole on the floor.) Press hir to the floor with that rt hand as you half-squat in standing half guard setup. Donkey-kick the RIGHT foot back  (more challenge for me here, trying to remember which foot) and slide your thigh under hir rt thigh (now both hir legs are on your rt side). Pass guard, pressuring on the now-pretzeled opponent trapped under you. Opportunity here to snug your right arm in nice and tight for a little bit of a neck-crank if you want to be a douche. More challenge for me at THIS point figuring out where to put the opponent's arms. I get confused on where I want to underhook, and I tend to sloppily leave at least one arm free to fight me.  It's so easy to get hyperfocussed on that juicy neck.

Same entry. As opponent rocking-chairs up and tries to hug your leg, you hook rt hand behind hir neck and place controlling elbow on hir breastbone. Yank hir elbow up and insert your knee into the space. Pass. Again, don't get sloppy about trapping arms here. This is a variation on one of my favorite passes, and I was able to do it pretty smoothly, although I had to be really careful on Chrisanne's ribs. I was also able to give her good constructive criticism on her controlling-elbow action ("Feel the way I brace this elbow?" "EeeRRRRRkkkk... yeah ." "You do the same thing to me.").

These last two techniques had a lot of steps, and I remember how freakin' frustrated I used to get as a white and blue belt trying to remember all the steps with the details and sequencing. It's much better now. I still struggle some, but not nearly as bad as I used to. I don't think this is a result of me getting better (ha ha), but I have seen most of this stuff in some form or other so that it's not quite as much rote memorization of completely foreign choreography.

Same entry, but when opponent rocking-chairs up, you guillotine. Carlos wanted us to press our abs on the top of the person's head. I feel great setting up the guillotine (it has always been one of my favorites), but it was really weird to position the head so centrally. I also couldn't get over the feeling that that ought to be considered a neck crank. I am aware of having annoyed both Carlos and Cindy by continually asking "why isn't (insert technique they just taught) a neck crank?" It's a legitimate question, and I really want to know- but after seeing the expression on their faces the last few times I asked this, I felt like I had better quit asking. (Maybe I can ask Doug later on....)  Note- try to get the bone at the base of the thumb right into the throat. Makes a huge difference. When Chrisanne did this, it made me want to tap as soon as she placed it there, even BEFORE she placed her belly on my head or did any pulling at all.

Positional training starting from one person standing, one person sitting on hir foot, rotating partners. After I lost Chrisanne, I had all huge guys- so I did not do too well with this. (The first was Big John, who is Big indeed, but experienced to be careful..... even so, Carlos stood over us and was like, "Be careful. Be careful. Don't put your hand there Watch your weight. Be careful.")

One roll with Chrisanne and one with Ben. Ben is definitely approching black belt level. He so effortlessly pretzels me any way he wishes. I tried to set up a kneebar, and he said, "Careful, Carlos will yell at you."  YES, I know!! Carlos wasn't looking, so I got away with it, although of course Ben easily shucked me off and triangled me.

I had really wanted to do a hard workout tonight. But I (surprise surprise) slept poorly and was pretty tired...was feeling some various and sundry injuries hampering me..... also, I had to take a decongestant before class. By the time I drove home, I was reeling with exhaustion, even though it was supposedly a nondrowsy variety. I think I still managed to put in a decent class (and stayed for two rolls after- yay me), but not as hard as I had wanted to work.

I have been good about eating tons of eggs lately. Mostly scrambled, although I found some frozen meat fritattas in the half-off section at the Safeway deli and really liked them. I am going to try to make my own slightly modified version.

Having a LOT of trouble controlling my snacking and binge-eating at work.  There is so often junk food there, even if I manage to refrain from bringing any with me. I have even resorted to the vending machine a couple of times lately, which I am usually too cheap to do- I need to NOT allow that to become a habit. I can feel the conditioning kicking in and I'm wanting to search for stuff to put in my mouth as soon as I finish my initial maintenence tasks and get a breather in the work flow. On Tuesday there was a trail mix in the break room. It had chocolate chips in it. After I had picked at this for a while despite myself, I took it down to the coat room to get it out of my sight. (Assistant: "Hey, where are you going with that? (looking like kicked puppy) "Well, I brought it to share... but maybe I just won't bring it any more." I tried to explain that I was watching my weight and I can't have snacks (especially chocolate) sitting at my elbow, but I managed to offend her. There's also one other assistant in particular who loves to bake and is always bringing in cookies and crap. She also gets all wilted and sad-puppy-faced if I put her stuff in the coat room. This is frustrating. It feels like even when I'm trying, other people are actively sabotaging me. I know they don't mean any harm, which makes me feel like a terrible person for hurting their feelings. But geez. Healthy eating is difficult enough without it being a social minefield with the people I have to work with every day.)

Passing the half guard

We live in an attention-deficit culture. We are bombarded with more and more information… the constant supply of stimulus has the potential to turn us into addicts, always hungering for something new and prefabricated to keep us entertained. When nothing exciting is going on, we might get bored, distracted, separated from the moment. So we look for new entertainment…If caught in these rhythms, we are like current-bound surface fish, floating along a two-dimensional world without any sense for the gorgeous abyss below. - Josh Waitzkin, “The Art Of Learning”


Thursday evening no gi in Bellevue.

Pummelling, double-leg setups, sprawls.

You are in top half guard. Press opponent's hip (and thus back) to the mat. Hop your butt to the other side of hir and kimura hir topmost arm as s/he tries to turn in to you. Keeping the kimura, slide over hir chest on your hip, using your free foot to pry off the half guard as you go. As you land at hir shoulder, s/he will try to get on top. You can either armbar or grab the back from here.

Positional training from half guard with rotating partners.

One roll with Chrisanne and one with An. I am currently trying to be better about staying longer to roll after class. If I feel really really tired and/or hot, I am going to try to make myself wait a while to see if I can get a second wind.

I am really noticing Chrisanne getting stronger and harder since she's been doing Monkey Bar Gym. I think she is stronger than me at this point.

No-gi butterfly sweeps

If we can switch the odds in our favor by changing our appearance or demeanor instead of fighting, it increases our survival. And this is all about survival. Campfire Tales From Hell



Thursday evening no-gi in Bellevue. Chrisanne was not there, and there were enough big white belts that I took the cautionary step of asking Sean to drill with me.

Pummelling, double-leg setups, failed double-leg to backtake, mutual neck-and-bicep grips to backtake (Sean suggests that I pull down on the neck, which I had not been doing, and yeah- that works better).

Same kimura from guard that we did last week. I was very very glad that I had asked Sean to work with me. I need a big white belt yanking on my rotator cuff like I need.... well, a torn rotator cuff. 

Butterfly sweep.

Then, butterfly sweep that fails due to opponent sticking hir leg out. Underhook the thigh, hook your toe around hir far ankle, and sweep the opposite way. This was working fine for me, but for some reason Sean was struggling with it. I was sure that the issue was that he wasn't getting deep enough underneath- I could feel my center of gravity lower than his, and when I was doing the technique, I didn't even try to push him over until I had wiggled UNDER his COG. Then Carlos came over to troubleshoot and had us do something COMPLETELY different- which involved pincering the opponent's leg between yours, stretching hir out, then rolling. I didn't think that was going to work with my short legs, but surprisingly it did (of course, Sean's legs aren't the longest in the room...)
Several short rounds of positional sparring, mostly from butterfly guard, rotating partners: sweep vs defend, sweep vs pass, pass vs open guard only, a few others. There was **NO** dry area anywhere on the mat, and it was like a greased pig contest.  I was not doing too great.... but I was very impressed with how good Amy is getting.

Was happy that I had both the balance and the upper-body strength to hoist myself up on top of the highest section of the retaining wall so that I could cut some blackberry brambles. I'm figuring that someday I will no longer be able to do stuff like this. Today is not that day.

Your heep need to move

People get very uncomfortable around people who are very comfortable with force. -Rory Miller


Thursday no-gi, Bellevue. I had to skip last week because my tattoo was still too scabby. I did considerable exercise-like yard work, though.

Mount escapes.

1)Basic upa, begin by yanking down on foe's shoulder if s/he has it wrapped around your neck. After you land in hir guard, Push one of hir knees to the mat and slider over hir thigh, your inside knee first. Underhook far arm. Side control. Mount, without ever lifting pressure from hir chest/shoulder/neck.

2)Mounted foe is scooting high on you, Grab your own wrist with opposite hand and form a frame to push hir hips back. Place feet as close to butt as possible and pop hips in air as hard as you can, keeping your frame in place.  (Professor Carlos: "Your heep need to move!!!") Pull your knees in and put opponent in butterfly guard. Now straighten legs to shove hir back. Sit up and scoot in (land on your hip NOW to avoid an extra step later),  hug under hir arm, grab opposite bicep, buterfly sweep.

3)This was a new and tricky one. Same entry as above, only you get just one knee between Bad Guy's legs instead of two. Stretch out to shove hir away. S/he should land with one knee up- the one opposite the side you have YOUR knee in. Swing your free leg around the OUTSIDE of hir other hip and place your foot on the hip. (Be careful to not cross- or get shoved across- hir centerline). Now pinch hir thigh between your knees and roll hir to hir outside hip, Ankle lock. (Make sure to use blade of forearm on ankle, not flat).

I had to take some allergy meds before class, so my brain was feeling a little foggy- primo conditions for injuring someone or myself- thus I elected to bow out of sparring.

Change direction. And again.

Unless it’s a sport fight that has a certain number of rounds to determine the winner, a real fight usually lasts only seconds. Campfire Tales From Hell


No-gi at Bellevue.

Single-leg takedowns. Put head on the inside (ie, against opponent's flank).

Same, but now you clamp opponent's ankle beween your legs and shove hir backward for 2 hops before changing direction and dragging the leg to the side so that s/he falls on hir ass. Note that when you grab the leg and put your head on the inside, you should deliberately press that shoulder to hir thigh. When you do the final drag, you should switch your head to the outside and press the OTHER shoulder to hir thigh.

Same, only now you assume s/he is fighting that final drag, so you abruptly  switch direction AGAIN and shove hir straight backward, snatching at the free leg so that it's now actually a double-leg. It doesn't take much, though- you're just sort of pawing quickly at it, not grabbing it. Make sure that you get to the side as s/he falls so that you don't end up in guard.

Sprawl N/S on opponent's turtle, then spin around, get both hooks in and turn yourself into a backpack. Note that you should not sit upright as if you are riding a pony to stick your hooks in. Your chest should remain plastered to opponent's back at all times. Also- remember to not leave your head far enough forward to get grabbed and yanked over hir shoulder by your head. That sucks. And finally- the near side hook should go in first. Do not spin to the opponent's back and throw your far leg over and try to stick that one in first.

A little positional sparring from closed guard and half guard.

One spar with Chrisanne.

I had to stop and take my contacts out halfway through the class because they were giving me problems. It was unpleasant to revisit the whole vulnerability-of-being-half-blind while sparring thing. I thought that once we started grappling, it would be fine, but I still had an uneasy feeling in my gut even though I wasn't really using my eyes at that point. It makes me worry a lot about what would happen in a real violent encounter once my glasses got knocked off. I wish contacts were not so uncomfortable for me and did not mess so badly with my near/far vision. The glasses are a very serious tactical handicap- even moreso psychologically than physically.

Oh, it's Telephone-Pole-Legs again.

Most blunt weapons can also be used to thrust. This is the one really dangerous application of most staff work. Except for brainstem/neck/head hits- which are relatively tough to get- most of the swing targets don’t do lethal damage. The thrust can, and it tends to be slow and sneaky damage. –Rory Miller


Proving Grounds- no surprises here. I fought Chelsea "Set Em Up and Knock Em Down" Kyger twice in gi and she did exactly what I expected her to do- got me under side control, zipped me up real tight, and then muscled me into a sub. Lord, she is strong. She tapped me with a cross collar choke... usually if I have one hand controlling the elbow, I can scuttle those- but she just forced it on through. I almost went out. I've never gone out on the mat, but that's the closest I've come. The black roses didn't bloom in front of my eyes, and I thought I was fine. But AFTER I tapped and she got off me and I sat upright on my knees, all the sound went away and I had a split second that felt like a skip on a DVD. It was so weird. I've never had it manifest that way. Chelsea also pulled off an absolutely lovely fireman's carry takedown on me. Our second match, I managed to not get subbed (I'm happy about that) but she was still on top most of the time.

She plowed me again in no-gi. Then I had the 124lb girl.... I felt bad for her, she was a scrapper, but Chelsea ate her alive. Susan and I both beat her too (rear naked, in my case), but she made us work for it.

I didn't recognize Susan, although she said that we had fought that the last PG. Then while I was watching her fight Chelsea, I saw one of her legs swing over Chelsea's head, and I had a little traumatic flashback: "OHHHHHH, it's the Telephone-Pole-Legs Girl!!!!!!!!" Last time, I had spent our match trapped in her closed guard, so I did not want to go there again. She seeems to have no takedowns.... she just circles endlessly to her left and grip fights.... but I was intimidated to try to get in because her limbs are so long. Finally she pulled guard, and I had one knee in, but I was so TIRED that I couldn't prevent her from shoving it out and putting me in closed guard. This time, she did open her guard and try several times to sweep me. I defended her sweeps and subs but couldn't seem to find the energy to pass. It ended in a tie, but she got a tie with Chelsea, which put her in front of me.

Griff reffed all of my fights, so he will hopefully have help for me. I think the only fight Cindy saw was my winning one (that would be nice). I couldn't see either her or Carlos, but I could hear them both trying to corner me from opposite ends of the ring. I could also hear Carlos hollering at me during my Susan match, but I could not bring action to his orders.

Man, I hate competing. But Lamont is a friend and I want to support his event. It seems to be really meaningful to him for some reason that I show up.

It's fun watching Craig in the comp ring. He is so relaxed, and smiles often.

Jiu Jitsu On Ice

The best targets for a swing with a (n impact weapon)- unlike a blade- are bones. You can bruise muscle with a club or staff and even get a “charley horse”, but for the most part an adrenalized threat won’t feel the pain, won’t notice immediately and it won’t swell up until long after the fight is over. Smash his finger bones, however, and he loses the ability to hold his (weapon) immediately. –Rory Miller



Thursday no-gi, Bellevue.

Several drills, most of them new to me. Missing the first part of the week is proving to be problematic lately, as Carlos has been teaching new drills and then building variations off those same drills for the remainder of the week.

Half guard sweep: From standing, one meathook behind neck and one outside bicep grip. Shove the bicep across opponent's body and drop to your butt, putting hir leg in half guard (on the side OPPOSITE the way you shoved hir arm). Underhook hir remaining leg and scissor your own legs as you roll, sweeping hir forward. My main problem here is that I tended to be in too much of a hurry and didn't want to take the time and effort to underhook the leg properly. I also didn't seem to want to let go of that meathook. On Chrisanne, it was possible to retain the meathook all the way through the technique, but I was pulling her down with main strength. On a bigger/stronger opponent who is going to posture up and fight the meathook, I am going to need to be more aggressive about attacking the legs.  Note also that you end up in top half guard. Best to anticipate this and make passing a fluid and uninterrupted part of the total package before the opponent can do anything about it.

You standing, opponent on hir back before you with feet on your hips. Shove the legs over hir right shoulder and place your hand on the small of hir back. Stack mercilessly until s/he wants to roll into turtle. Hug hir shoulders from behind (over/under) and place your head on the mat on the opposite side of hirs- ABOVE it a bit. Roll. The head placement is critical because otherwise, you will finish with a backtake (which is fine, but not our objective ATM). Getting a good grip and THEN doing the roll is critical. You need not fret as much as usual about being pasted tight to hir back first. As long as your hug is technically correct, the recieving end of this is painful and chokey enough that you find yourself needing to go along for the ride whether you like it or not. You end in a T formation, and usually the opponent's far arm is just waiting for you to trap it with your legs. Now you can do a shoulder lock or a choke (or if you are having That Sort Of Day, both!)

Rolls with Chrisanne, JP, and Casey. I asked all of them to get me in side control or/and front mount, and then just be heavy and try to hold me there, because that has been my experience with Chelsea (whom I will be battling tomorrow in both gi and no-gi). Not that Chelsea just holds me there- but she DOES tend to get in one of those positions ASAP, efficiently zip up every molecule of space, and then rest her superior weight, significant musculature and excellent grounding skills on me while she leisurely selects a sub and finishes me off. I need to stay the hell out from under her (which also means I can't pull guard at the beginning.... fighting for the takedown with her is not going to be any picnic, but I should try), and do my damndest to get out from under before she gets me bagged and tagged, if she does get on top. She's so heavy and tight that in the past, once she lands there, I have felt an immediate futile leaking away of all strength and energy, and could just lie there  gasping helplessly while she finishes. I wish I knew how to counteract the feeling of weakness and exhaustion that grips me in this scenario. It takes all the fight out of me.

Anyway, I was able (with specific focus) to stay mostly out from under Chrisanne, but the boys very efficiently put me in side control and pinned me. I continue to want to put an arm up beside my head. I need to frame and stop giving away my arms. Another thing I did a couple of times with JP was to move both arms to one side of my midline, as Georgette has advised against. Also, as Georgette pointed out and JP pointed out AGAIN last night, I want to try to get my BOTTOM leg in first to try to replace guard. I tend to instinctually try to get my top leg in. I feel vulnerable lying on my back, and always feel a driving instinct to get belly-down. This results in backtake, which I am currently making a greater effort to avoid.

I need to keep in mind that tomorrow's comp is sub only, no time limits, and I don't need to get my panties in a knot if I have to lie under side control for a while.... as long as the time is not being used by Chelsea to vacuum up all the extra space (in which case I *do* need to light a fire under it, because "it's not gonna get any better").

Apparently we may have a few additional opponents in no-gi, bu I don't know who. I don't think it's anyone I know. It's just Chelsea in gi.

Amusingly, JP apologized for sweating on me. I told him that he had BETTER be sorry, because I do not like sweat and I do not want to get all sweaty in here. Casey was wallowing in a lake of sweat and it was like Jiu Jitsu On Ice. Chrisanne also gave me a fat lip- but since that doesn't affect function, I don't really give a darn.

It's been raining for three straight days... and I cannot pull blackberries, nor work on my yard terracing, nor work on my fence, which is driving me crazy. Also, being stuck inside, I am fighting the munchies. I registered at 131- and it's probably not going to matter (Chelsea's quite a bit bigger, don't know about any others), but I did get down to 129 and it's frustrating to backslide.

Trifecta

How are impact weapons used? You smack people with them. You can spend years learning nuances of jo staff or bo fighting or try to recreate quarterstaff technique from old manuals, but the basics aren’t that hard. You hit people. –Rory Miller



This entire week, I have spent 4 hours per morning in my yard, pulling blackberries by hand. On Weds and Thurs, I also spent an additional 4 hours in the afternoons (for a total of 8 hours a day those two days). It has been a lot of exercise, and I am irritated that I haven't lost any weight. But I have made serious inroads on the blackberry problem. I have a heap of mangled vines the size of a car. I am going to have to slack off at least some next week , though, if I want to have any grips for Proving Grounds. My hands are killing me. Knees are bitchy as well. Otherwise, not feeling a lot of body soreness. It's nice to be 43 and be able to do eight straight hours of yard work two days in a row and feel fairly okay.

Also- turns out that sticking your hand in the lawn mower to clear the blades is a dumb idea even if it's a Flintstone (reel) mower instead of a motorized one. Damn thing bit me. I have an enormous protruberant blood blister on my finger. Fortunately it's on my non-dominant hand. I was growling because the blades are dull, but I'm lucky they were, or I could have chopped off the tip of my finger. 
------------------
Thursday no-gi in Bellevue. It was a drill-till-you-die night. I began with a spar with Casey. I didn't feel like I did too well, but he praised me.

Ben and Kevin both have been promoted to brown belt!

Single leg setups.

Standup, meathook behind head and bicep grip- transitioning to a standing armbar. Yank hir down to break hir posture. If s/he jerks upright, let hir- and do a double-leg.

Flopping from one side of a turtled opponent to the other- knee tucked in on each side.

We learned one new drill that was actually fun- you standing, opponent on hir back with feet on floor and knees up. You place your left hand on the floor just inside hir right foot, and your right hand atop hir left knee. cartwheel to the opposite side. Repeat. This was enough of a dance-ish technique that I was very coordinated at it and found it easy and fun.

These, MUCH LESS FUN: In open guard, press opponent's left knee to the mat and hike hir right leg onto your left shoulder, hugging the thigh. skip from side to side, pressing each of your knees down on hir thigh in turn. This was not a good time for my achey knees, but I was soldiering along until Carlos came by and informed me that my butt was too high. He pressed my butt down, and after 3 reps, my body failed me. It was not a pain threshold or an exhaustion threshold, it was a case of I told my muscles to do X and absolutely nothing happened. Chrisanne did not do well with these either, but we both felt a little better when we noticed that the mid-twenties muscley boys beside us were moaning louder than we were.

Same setup, only now you press your palm to the small of opponent's back and try to force hir to roll into turtle. You slide your knee under there, grab the over-one-shoulder-and-under-other-armpit back hug, control that wrist (That was the part I kept forgetting), and choke. Also, if opponent blocks your knee, hop over hir and do it on the other side.

When time was called, I keeled over and lay there in the fetal position for a while, as everyone else started lining up. I had to get up because Luis stared jeering at me.
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Friday evening in Bellevue, all spars. Sore from yesterday.

Peter, Chrisanne, Peter again, some blue belt guy, Doug twice, Carlos.

I choked blue belt guy to a tap three or four times. Kept telling him, "Put your chin down, put your chin down," If you don't listen to me, buddy, I'm just going to keep right on doing it. He started to go out once. He didn't go totally out, I don't think, but he greyed and then had to pause for a moment. He then told Carlos and Doug that I "choked him out". I have never choked anyone out.

The Doug-Doug-Carlos trifecta at the end nearly killed me. I was trying really hard to stay mobile and attacking, especially since Carlos informed me before we began that he was going to hold me down in various positions and he expected me to get out. For many of these positions, I had to try and fail at several options before he let me escape.

Note- with Casey, Doug and Carlos, I was noticing that when they are standing and I am sitting open guard, I sometimes fail to contact three points- which I need to be doing. Worse, sometimes when I *had* three points, I voluntarily let one go.

Nonetheless, I felt competent tonight.

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I should mention that my 30-Day Plank Challenge failed at four minutes. I got through Day 26. I cannot do a four minute plank. Three and a half minutes is my limit. If I wanted to do more than that, I would need to plank regularly for a few weeks at least and build up to it.

Front mount to S mount

Fighting is almost always ego driven.  –Rory Miller



I'm doing Vic's 30 day plank challenge. Starting today at Day 2 because I just now found out about it. I flatter myself that I have halfway decent ab muscles, but I do not plank, so it's entirely possible that I may be in for a rude awakening.

My trick wrist- the one that Carlos wristlocked when he first came here- was troubling me yesterday and today. Mostly during the open guard butt scoot warmups yesterday. I was mostly fine during the sparring. I'm wary, though, as the wrist tends to give me problems for a few weeks at a time once it starts hurting. Hope it won't affect the plank challenge.

Saturday no-gi at Kirkland.

There were some painful techniques on tap today, and Cindy told me to be grateful that Dave was there to be the demo dummy.... and I truly was, as they are things that Cindy has done to me before and the memory of agony is fresh.  I feel terrible as I watch Dave's face contort. The vein on his temple starts bulging out and turning purple, too.

 I was drilling with Andrew, who is fairly large, but he was very nice to me and careful. Dave, though, didn't hear me say "tap" during the positional sparring, and continued to pull something that torqued the sheet out of my ankle and knee until I yelled "TAP- TAP- TAPTAP!!!!!"  I know he would never do that on purpose, but dang, that hurt.

First we did some pummelling, then triangle drills, then armbar from guard drills (lawd I hate those!)
Front mount to S mount with seatbelt grip. Then front mount to S mount to armbar. Then front mount to S mount to torquing opponent's own arm around hir neck and bellying hir down to the mat.

I struggled with many things today. Several of them were very basic white belt errors that I should not be making. Others of them were failing to correctly follow all the steps even after multiple explanations and demos. Cindy was getting frustrated with me, to my dismay and chagrin.

Positional sparring from front mount. Then a roll with Wayne. I haven't done no-gi in a long time, and found myself frustrated with the lack of grips.

Still no kibble.

Violence and the risk of violence goes up when people are insecure. Remember always that weapons embolden the insecure. –Rory Miller



Open mat at Edmonds.

Started with Georgette, no-gi.... she trounced me utterly and repeatedly.  Found myself in that frustrated space... that one where I just need to call it a day, because both my performance and my mental state just go downhill rapidly from there.

Note that once in this place, I should really just VACATE the gym immediately, because if I sit on the wall, people bug me to keep going.  If I beg off, it starts to look like I'm pouting like an asshole because I got tapped. Which I guess in a way I am. I think everybody could tell that I was frustrated, which frustrates me all the more because I am trying to hide it. Today, no disasters ensued from continuing under duress, but next time should just go. Haven't really found a good way to deal with that state of mind, but continuing is usually not advisable. It's the Point Of Negative Returns.

Anyway, I let Cindy use me as a dummy to do some drills and invent some new fiendish and painful contortions. Then she was rolling with Georgette, which she probably shouldn't be doing with her shoulder injury, but you can't keep her off the mat.

I rolled with a purple belt guy that I don't know, who was flow rolling and doing some catch and release. Then Craig, whom I enjoy rolling with and haven't seen in a long time: more flowing and catch and release, he wore his gi and let me let me wear my no-gi gear to make it marginally more even. Those were both kind of fun, even though my self-sabotaging mind kept flagellating me all the while with its I-wish-I-didn't-suck-so-bad and why-do-you-bother-to-keep-trying-to-do-this refrains.

As a scientist, I am very aware that I am battling a very basic concept of psychology  that just really can't be battled: it is very hard to keep doing something in the face of a lack of positive reinforcement. My "higher function" brain can yell all it wants that this is actually useful and good for me and progress *IS* actually being made... but it feels like I've been pressing a lever repeatedly for five years (longer, if you count all of my MA experience and not just BJJ) and just never getting any kibble, ever. No rat would continue to press the lever this long. My inner rat is like, "WTF is wrong with you???!??"

I continue to not know what to do about this issue, and I continue to be very frustrated and discouraged about it.

Georgette pointed out a couple of things.

1)I keep giving up my back. She rightly parsed this as, "Most of your regular training partners are going easy on you, and failing to be heavy/tight enough to prevent you from squirming (technique-less-ly) out of back mount." It makes me feel better that I had made this very same observation and come to the very same conclusion the very first time I rolled with her. At least I can see and interpret my problems, even if I don't do so well at actually fixing them.  I really need people to stop giving me slack here, as it just encourages my sloppy habits. Note that this is neither a happy nor a fun thing to face. I asked her to keep taking my back and subbing me, and to make it hurt a little.

2)She wants me to put more weight on her feet/knees etc while I'm doing standing passes. This is not the first time I have been told this, but as I tried it again, I was reminded of why I don't do it- it feels way too vulnerable. Once I start leaning on the knees, as soon as the opponent pulls hir knees back, I'm going to face plant. Georgette says, "don't let them pull their knees back." I feel that there is no person on the mat older than four whom I could actually physically PREVENT from pulling their feet or knees back.

This leads me to a principle that has been a cornerstone of my game since I started: "You don't have to move the other guy, you only have to move YOU." Which I still feel is golden wisdom, for us teeny people. You can't even begin to deal with a 200lb man on top of you in side control without embracing that idea. Otherwise you are just lying there helplessly crushed for eternity.  And yet I begin to wonder if I have taken a good thing too far.

I have been aware for a while that I work under an assumption that I simply cannot move my opponent nor make hir do anything. This leaves me with a severely limited game that consists solely of 1)reacting to what the opponent does to me, and 2)losing all my options as soon as the opponent starts restricting my movement. I simply do not even TRY anything- ever- that involves moving the opponent, or making hir do something, or otherwise affecting hir. Like sweeps. And most subs.  I escape. That's all I do, because that's all I *can* do that doesn't really involve addressing my opponent in any confrontational way- because of course as soon as we go head to head on something, I am obviously going to lose.  It's not a fight. It's not a contest. I'm not trying to beat anyone. I'm not even truly engaging them. I'm just letting them attack me while I try to escape.




Ouch.




Okay, I'm not sure what to do about this.... and it obviously is harking back to a lot of very deep-seated, ingrained, damaging conditioning from childhood on up. But it feels like a possible first glimpse into a different perspective on my defeatism problem. Which could be a first step.


Found that my Asics earguards do have a few spots where they start rubbing painfully at a certain point of a LOT of jiu jitsu over a two day period. I had to take them off, because it started to feel like I was more likely to get cauli from the earguards themselves than from going without. Note that I should start keeping a spare pair of (a different brand of) earguards in my bag.

Things to *NOT* say to the ref.

Sheep can be controlled by the sheepdog for the same reason they fear the wolf -- they are both predators. The same relationships hold with the general population, the police, and the criminals. Most people are sheep, but you don't have to be. If you have the skills and attitude of a predator the criminals will leave you alone -- because they will recognize you as a predator and there is easier game available. -Greg Hamilton



Turkey Day open mat in Seattle.

Lindsay, Chrisanne, Terry (whom I haven't seen in a really, really long time), Vic. There were tons of people there that I would have loved to roll with, but by the time I got done with these four, all the others were gone or going.   :(

No-gi with the two ladies and Terry. Found myself huddling on the bottom a few times with Lindsay- mostly when I started getting really tired- but I tried hard to minimize that. With Terry, same thing. He is very dynamic- which can be intimidating, and even more reason I want to slow down and cling- to try to slow the action down a bit. I trust him enough that I attempted to resist this urge, although if it had been with a random person, I would have worked hard to try to immobilize hir.

I found out that Terry got DQ'ed from the last Revolution. The pair fighting on the next mat rolled off their mat and crashed into Terry and his opponent in the middle of the match. Terry disentangled himself, stood up, looked at the ref and cried, "What the fuck?!?" The ref said, "You're out."

This was the first time I've rolled with Vic. He's the same weight as me, and flexible. A little spazzy and strengthy. I gave him a monologue about not slamming subs- not that he was slamming any- but while I was walking him through keylocks, I emphasized that this is one of those subs that we want to be particularly careful about putting on slowly and carefully.  Apparently no one had given him that little tutorial yet, so I'm very happy to stop another white belt from developing dangerous habits before he starts. He also saw Terry yanking me backward from my knees into his back mount, and was like, "Woah, that was so rad!" And I stopped immediately and looked at him and said, "DON'T you try that on anyone until you're more experienced, and here's why..."

He expressed frustration at always finding himself on the bottom. I told him that at his weight, he'd better get used to it, because he was going to be there for the next three years straight.

Somebody mistook me for Cindy today. It was quite a thrill. I must confess, though, that it was in the parking lot and not on the mat.