Preserving your identity

 















 Fighting, counter-assault, hand-to-hand-- whatever you want to call it-- is very much a thing of guts and nerve, visceral, not intellectual. And yet, you have a brain. Use it.   -Rory Miller


Friday evening BJJ in Bellevue. Did something to my left shin and it's been bugging me all week. I was able to do most stuff yesterday and today, but I did pass on the sparring portion of tonight (with the exception of a roll with Doug).

Standup, no-gi-type grips (meathook behind neck, outside tie). Pummel back and forth a few times like this, then duck under and take the back.

Same, then the backtaken person does this escape: on the same side that opponent has your wrist trapped, take one step forward and then turn sharply back, using the free forearm to break down opponent's arm. Single leg from here.  I had some trouble here because as always, I struggle with left/right and could not remember which foot to step forward with.

Same standing guard passes that we did last week- underhooking the thigh and passing around the back, then around the front.

Have been thinking a lot about yesterday's quote, the part about hanging onto the past because it's preserving your identity.  There's also the good one about  how dwelling on past bitterness is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.

I carry around a lot of baggage and bitterness, to my detriment. I have a very visceral repulsion toward the concept of forgiveness in these cases. To me, forgiving says, "It was okay that you did that".  Fuck no. It was not. It never will be okay.

And yes, I am intellectually aware that forgiveness is about healing the forgiver and not about letting the forgivee off, and all that... but emotionally it just doesn't wash. There are people who have done things to me that I will never forgive.

I am aware that they are not lying awake at night. More than one of them failed to ever understand what they did wrong or that they even did anything wrong at all. It costs them nothing that I hold a grudge, it just costs me (ironically, this serves to make me even more bitter).

If you're still bleeding years later, it proves that you were "right", right? That the other person is unspeakably evil? That you deserve sympathy, admiration, help, slack? We already established that the perpetrators don't give a shit that they hurt you; they are going on about their merry lives while you lie in the ditch and moan. If you let go of it, then NOBODY is carrying it, right? Somebody has to be left holding the bag. WTH, does it just evaporate? Does that prove that it didn't matter, that it didn't really hurt that much, it wasn't so bad, that "it was okay that you did that"?

I've been stuck and frustrated about resolving this emotional baggage, because I just can't put a spin on "forgiveness" that will make it palatable to my logic-rejecting inner child, and I couldn't find a way to reframe the problem.

So, "preserving your identity"........

We are brainwashed from toddlerhood in this society to admire/idealize heroes and Disney Princesses who were orphaned, abused, and otherwise got shat on and went on to rise above. It's a glamorous identity to have been fucked over and then rise above. Movies don't get made about people who were raised by loving parents in plenty and comfort, married their high school boyfriend/girlfriend, had a fun and enlightening education, got a great career, and had a successful happy life. If you cut out the part of Malala's story where she had to struggle to get an education and then nearly got murdered for it, and only show the wonderful work she is doing now, it's not quite the same. The hardships and struggles are part of the hero's journey, the hero's identity.

At what point does the tragic backstory become baggage? At some point do you get to choose whether that tragic past gooses you to get better or just drags you down? At some point do you get to choose when to just cut those chapters out of your book and begin at the better parts? It seems like there is an inevitable degeneration into using the tragic backstory as a crutch. "You can't expect me to accomplish X, after what happened to me,".... "You should marvel that I am able to do Y, after what I had to overcome"..... yes, it is a BIG part of one's identity. Big enough that the prospect of excision is quite daunting.

The training partner you don't really want.

Never double down on stupid. Don't reinforce failure. When you catch yourself doing the wrong thing, don't let your monkey brain con you into doing the wrong thing harder. Always be humble enough to admit when you've screwed it up and change. And adapt. And win.  -Rory Miller


Three classes in three days, Thurs/Fri/Sat.  Good rolls with skilled people before and after class, including Doug and Casey on Friday, and Lindsey on Saturday.

Ghost escape from under side control (hey, I know the name of a technique!)  I Youtubed this very early in my BJJ career and tried it out on my kung fu teacher to see if it would work.

Another escape from side control- in which you block the crossface, grab opponent's arm, and roll AWAY from hir, pushing hir arm toward your feet as you sit up and turn back in. Fortunately we did this both Friday and Saturday, as I struggled mightily with it on Friday. We are so hardwired to not turn away from the opponent like that. The two keys- have a firm hold on that arm and push it very aggressively toward your feet; and make sure your elbow ends up above the opponent's arm (otherwise you can get elbow locked, as Carlos demonstrated on me).

Both of these escapes involved technical lifts, so a lot of getting up and down... always a slog for us old folks.

Takedown drills- opponent locks hands behind your neck, you lace hands over hir elbow and drag down. Then abruptly fling your elbow up underneath hir OTHER arm. Take the back (easy for me) or place your head on hir chest, arm behind hir waist, and kick leg out from under as if you're dipping hir (hard for me). I should have drilled more of the latter, since it was harder (especially remembering where to put the head), but I am really oriented to that backtake.

Peter: "This is going to be The Year Of Back Mount for me."
Me: (back mounting him) "THE YEAR OF BACK MOUNT!!!!!!!!!"
Peter: "Wait... it's supposed to be the other way."
Me: "You did not specify that."

On Friday, I was anxious because for a while it was looking like I was going to have to drill with Carlos' girlfriend, who just started training. Normally I like training new people, but sorry...... this is pressure I do not need. I trained with Henrique's white-belt wife before- but they were fighting at the time, so he ignored us utterly, so that was fine.  ;)   I would be really uncomfortable working with Carlos' girlfriend in a class that he was teaching.

Saturday, I went to put in my contacts and found that one was torn.... so I had to do class blind.  When Rodrigo was matching us up to roll, I couldn't see that he was calling me out to pair me up with Amy, so I just stood there in the line for way too long. At the break, I apologized and told him that I didn't have my contacts, so I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. The next time he went to pair me up, he waved both arms above his head at me like he was flagging down a train.

At the end of class, he INSISTED that I be in the class picture. I always avoid the pictures, and they all know about that, so they usually leave me alone. Today he was so insistant, I reluctantly caved.

Weight has been dead steady for a week now. Frustrating. At least it's not going up.

Blocking with your face

"A small daily task, if it really be daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules." -Anthony Trollope


Friday BJJ in Bellevue: A second helping on Brazilian Buffet. I did well at staying on top of people tonight, but still lack in the subbing stage.
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Thurs BJJ in Bellevue: Dreels. Pummelling, Double-leg takedowns, then gradually adding side control, KOB, then a weird armbar that I can't even begin to describe.

It was nice to be dreelling with Amy, who is always ready to put in a serous effort. Also, she is now advanced enough to be really good for dissecting things and experimenting. In fact, we experimented so much that we got in trouble with the prof.

One long roll with Justin. We rolled until Carlos kicked us out of the gym.
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Missed Friday class because I picked up an extra work shift, but I did get a walk- as I always do when I work day shift, because I am too cheap to pay a parking fee at the hospital garage.


I'm down seven pounds (there was a week-long plateau in there...).  I was doing one can of pop per day at first but now I'm back up to 2 or 3. That's still an improvement over my usual, although I continue to see little if any change in my weight, energy level or anything else by cutting down pop. I have been working hard at one of my biggest hurdles- snacking at work. Also, having mouse-sized meal portions pre-portioned is a good tactic- It prevents me from going into the kitchen raving hungry and sticking a giant portion in the microwave. If I'm still hungry after my single mouse-portion, I try to wait a while before having another.

I'm hungry a lot. I always complain about trying to control my weight, but it's ten times harder when you're on a medication that is actively working against you and trying its damndest to turn you into a blimp.
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Thursday BJJ. I had to do evening no-gi because my dog needed to see the vet in the afternoon. Can't remember the last time I did no-gi.

Double-leg takedown drills, to side control, to front mount. Let them bridge, then take the back and choke.

Double-leg to side control, opponent defends the mount by putting foot on knee. You turn and sit on your hip facing hir feet. Overhook hir thigh and pull it UP  (scoot your butt back first, or it won't work) and then down to the mat. (Opponent's back is now twisted painfully.) Place the sole of your foot on the mat between hir knees and scoot your other knee up to hir belly. Take the elbow closest to hir feet and place it on the mat on the far side of hir hip. Summersault over your shoulder so that your head is at hir feet. As you go over, make sure your knee is hooked securely behind hir knee- grab the ankle with your hand and stuff it further in there just to be sure. This will flip and twist the person right into your back mount. It's complicated, but lord is it ever smooth once you get all  the steps right.... and from having had it done to me, it's one of those "WTH just happened??!??" moments.

Positional training starting from several points of this technique. While takedown sparring, I went for an aggressive underhook on Chrisanne and she blocked with her face. As a general rule- blocking with your face is never a good plan. Luckily I did not break her nose, but I felt awful.

I have lost half of my medication-induced extra weight. It is coming off very reluctantly. Long plateaus. Hungry ALL THE TIME.   :(

Thursday: break-in, Friday: pit bull attack. How was your week?

Many people receive the answer to their prayers, but ignore them- or deny them, because the answers didn’t come in the expected form.  –Sophy Burnham



Thursday lunchtime gi in Bellevue. We got Rodrigo today! Carlos and Doug both had surgery at the beginning of the week, so they will be on the bench a while.

Opponent in turtle, you sprawled on hir left hip. Grab hir left sleeve cuff and right lapel. Move to the side and pull hir onto her side, switching to a "sash" grip. Stay heavy and keep public bone to the mat. As s/he places hir top foot on the mat to try to recover turtle, you stick your bottom leg into the space that s/he has just made between the mat and hir hip, and wrap hir bottom leg. Pull hir back into you, and place the second hook. Do not forget to trap the arm. (Note: do not- as I wanted to do- try to jump/climb on top of hir to get the back mount. PULL hir into you.)

Same entry, only now as you pull the foe onto hir side, you use your lapel grip to open the lapel and slide your other hand in. I always want to snug everything REALLY REALLY TIGHT, and Rodrigo instructed me to loosen up and slide down a bit on this lapel grip- because you want the person to try to recover turtle instead of realizing that they're about to get choked. As they go into turtle, you clock choke. Do not straighten your arm and pull at this. Keep the elbow bent and lean your chest over the opponent's head. Rodrigo puts his forehead on the mat.

My stupid side, which I only tried a few times at the very end and only because we had done about a bajillion reps, was much tighter because that side had me doing the clock choke with my dominant arm.

A little positional training from the point where you pull the opponent onto hir side and try to keep hir down, while opponent gives some (but not crazy) resistance.
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So some crazy and/or drugged homeless guy broke into my garage this morning. It scared the poop out of me, but I was very happy that I had a gun, so that I knew I could defend myself if he tried to get into the house. I was even happier to see the sheriff pull in. I could have set off the audible alarm and probably scared him off, but I wanted the cops to get him, so that I wouldn't have to worry about him coming back (for a little while, at least). He broke a window in my rear garage door, but luckily did not damage my car. The nice deputies caught him red-handed in there, carted him off in cuffs, and booked him for Burglary in the second degree.

I think the only thing I could have done better was to be more proactive about checking out odd noises. I heard some thumping, but assumed it was the cat messing around upstairs. It was only when the thumping continued that I went up to check, and found her asleep. I figured then that I had a bear in my garbage can. But when I looked out the window, I saw an unfamilar dude lurching up my driveway while holding an animated conversation with himself. Next time I will check out weird noises more promptly. If he had gone to the front door instead of the garage after rifling the garbage, things could have turned out much worse than they did.
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So, the day after some crazy homeless guy broke into my garage, my dogs and I got attacked by a loose pit bull. It tore up Teal pretty badly. I was well weaponed up, yet could not adequately defend.

Because I am so paranoid, my head is always on a swivel and thus I glanced behind me and saw the pit come out of the driveway. As soon as I laid eyes on that dog, I knew we were going to get attacked. I yelled "NO!" powerfully, as that has been recommended by some dog-savvy friends. I was then able to get off a couple yells for help and get my pepper spray out of my pocket before it was on us.

The dog attacked Teal, and I emptied half the can of pepper spray right into its eyes to no effect at all. I could not shoot it because we were in the middle of a populated subdivision. My knives would have been a poor weapon- this dog was not responding to pain compliance techniques, and I would have had to get under its throat and get a few really good deep slashes to put it out of commission. At that point, my bag of tricks was empty.

All I could do was yell for help. I tried to pull the pit off my dog, but it just kept hold and I was dragging both dogs. I really needed a second person- one to grab each dog and pull them apart. But although ten or twelve people came out to see what all the screaming was about, no one helped.   :(    Now I know what Kitty Genovese felt like.

Eventually the dog owner's dad came out, and stood there to stare for a moment before wading in. He grabbed the pit's harness and gave it a couple of ineffectual tugs, then he started whipping the dog over the back with a little nylon strap. Of course that didn't do jack. Finally I gathered my wits enough to yell at him, "grab the harness and pull him off! Grab the harness and pull him off!" Which he finally did.  As I fled for our lives, the guy was lying in the middle of the street bear-hugging the dog.

So, several lessons learned.

1)Don't expect help. Even if there are lot of people around. They will just stare, or maybe take out their iphones to video your attack. You are on your own.

2)Please don't be that person. If someone is yelling for help, fucking HELP.

3)I thought I was well weaponed-up, but two of my weapons were inappropriate for the situation and the third one failed me. I have thought a lot about what would have helped in that situation, and I decided that a hammer would have gotten the job done. I went to Lowe's and bought a really nice heavy mallet with a comfy grip and good balance. I am now carrying that whenever I walk the dogs. The next loose dog that puts its teeth in my dog is going to get its fucking skull bashed in.

4)It was astonishing to what extent my brain switched off in the presence of that much adrenaline. I had to leave the scene, because Teal needed to go to the ER, and that guy still did not have his dog under control, so we fled. Later I had a hard time finding the attack site, I wouldn't have been able to pick that guy out of a lineup, and I was even unsure what color the dog was- which is funny seeing as how I was wrestling with it for three minutes. Your brain really shuts down all the extraneous details. Next time, remind self to stop and take note of details, especially if you have to flee the scene.

5)Even if you have decided that your pepper spray is useless, don't put the can back into your pocket. Just the small amount of dried liquid left on the outside of the can ate right through my pants and gave me a miserable chemical burn. My entire thigh looks like it's been roasted over a slow fire. (Again- how did that monster dog just ignore this? I knew it wasn't going to respond to pain compliance techniques, but I was hoping that the pepper spray directly into the eyes would blind it and make it difficult to breathe. Nope.)

6)January is tactically useless. All he did was run circles around us in scared confusion. I always hoped my dog(s) would try to do something if I was screaming for help, but it did not trigger him. Note: do not expect his help in the instance of a break-in.


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I went to BJJ class on Friday night, but I had too much going on to blog it, and now I can't remember what we did. I also missed ALL classes the following week.
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Thursday lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue.  I got to drill with Nelson, which is always wonderful.

Triangles from guard.

From guard: fake a scissor sweep, then hook your toe under the thigh instead. Sweep hir AWAY from you. Note that you have to be really close to make this work- if you shrimped out too much getting set up for the scissor, it's really hard to lift the guy using just leg strength.

Same basic thing from standup.

My favorite choke: the one where you get a deep cross grip and then grab a handful of gi at the back of the shoulder to finish.  We turned our bodies to use the thigh to force the opponent's head down as if we were going to armbar, then swung back to finish the choke straight on. Weirdly, it's a chicken-wing pulling motion- yes, the very thing we are always told NOT to do. But it was beautiful. I found, while being the uke, that when the opponent swings that leg up, it makes you think he's going for a triangle or armbar, so you want to yank back- which will just make you choke yourself even harder.

Three spars with three white belt ladies. They are all game and trying hard. Gave them all some (I hope useful) pointers.

Down five

No man, however civilized, can listen for very long to African drumming, or Indian chanting, or Welsh hymn singing, and retain intact his critical and self-conscious personality. –Aldous Huxley


I've lost 5lb from walking my dogs. I think the meds are also affecting my appetite (in a good way). I was worried about the typical weight gain that goes along with anxiety/depression drugs. Yet I didn't really want lunch yesterday, and had to make myself eat it (because I was going to class and knew I needed the fuel), and I didn't really want dinner either, but made myself eat it (because I knew I just had not eaten enough that day). I am snacking less at home, as it is disconcerting to have two dogs staring at me. I have been binging on a lot of junk food at work, partially because my insomnia is just making it really hard to get through the day. If I can get this insomnia solved, I think that will be less of a problem. Unfortunately, the insomnia rages unchecked in the face of presciption drugs.

Thursday lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue. Standing guard pass to KOB. When opponent pushes at your knee, turn to hir feet and take a modified side control, propped on your elbow. Pick up hir top pants cuff and place hir shin between your shins. Grab hir other pants cuff and the belt or back waistband. Dive over and pull the person into your back mount. This was similar to what we did last week, so I was able to translate (and even figure out- and explain adequately- to Peter why his technique wasn't working). It's all about getting that knee hooked nice and snug with the opponent's knee. If it's too low, or too lose, you don't have adequate control of the opponent's body.

Several rounds of sparring, the first round with Cindy, whom I have not worked with in forever. So that was great (albeit exhausting!)
 

Brain Surgery

There’s a difference between inflicting lethal damage and stopping power. Someone can be fatally wounded and still functional enough to take you with them. Mostly it depends on how dedicated they are to taking you out. Pain alone won’t stop someone hellbent on killing you.   –Campfire Tales From Hell


Missed a day of hiking due to rain (still did the multiple mini-walks). Otherwise, still hiking/walking every morning.

I am on drugs! I have an antianxiety med and a sleeping pill. I insisted that the doc not give me anything potentially addictive, and no refills on the sleeping pills (if I want a refill, I will go back to the clinic and we will have a discussion about my level of reliance). It's only day 2, and I'm still on half-dosages of each. The only thing that has happened so far (aside from a mild headache) is that while dozing about 12 hours after taking the first half-tab of the antianxiety med, I had a bizarre mental picture of a bunch of bats and rats and pigs with sharp edges, flickering like newspaper on fire. Since I do not do substances (well, until now... sigh), I have never before had the experience of finding a thought in my brain that was obviously a foreign insertion. It was very odd. 
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Thursday evening no-gi in Bellevue.

Various basic drills... with RUNNING LAPS between each. We even had to watch the demo of each drill WHILE we were running.

Short spars with rotating partners, no subs allowed. Lots of them- like 12 or 14. Fortunately the room was jam packed with purple and brown belts. There was one lonely white belt in the room (he looked up the line and stage-whispered, "Hey- is this an advanced-only class???").
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Friday evening BJJ in Bellevue. Rodrigo was there to teach tonight!

Great warmup roll with Casey. He let me slap on a number of subs, and get within a hair of finishing them, and then slithered out with ease.

Double leg setups shifting to single-leg. Scoop your arm (the one in front of the opponent) under hir thigh so that you are almost grabbing hir ass, and step backward while you pull hir to the floor. Place your hand on hir hip, "Slide into home" over hir thigh, side control.

Stand up in closed guard (don't forget to grab the sleeve cuff first!). As opponent opens guard and slides to floor, frame up your elbows on your knees and wedge yourself between hir knees. Press one knee to the mat and slide the *FAR* knee through, placing it in hir armpit (it is important to get this high). Make sure to keep your toe down until you backsit to move to side control.   This move- which is not exactly brain surgery, and I use it all the time- was AWFUL on the Stupid Side for some reason.  As usual, the first time I tried it on the stupid side, that's when the prof chooses to come by. He of course questioned why I can't do this very simple thing, and I said, "It's the Stupid Side," whereupon he instructed, "Do the Stupid Side again."   (Argh!)

This last technique actually *WAS* brain surgery......

Same entry, only when you press the knee to the floor, instead of hugging the head to pass, you take the arm closest to opponent's head and wrap it over hir thigh. This presents your shoulder the the mat near hir ribs (your back patch in hir face). Roll, and as you go over, catch hir leg and hook your knees together. If you do this right, as you roll upright again, you force hir into a roll. As s/he rolls, maneuver hir into your back mount. (You must hip escape a bit to make this work). Get hooks. Choke.

I have never done this before (although it has been done to me many times), and it hurt my brain- but Rodrigo demo'ed it about a billion times, so I was surprised when I succeeded. Even more surprised when my white belt partner marveled "You make it seem so smooth!"  Still, this is way too complex for attempting live at this point. It normally takes three times of a given technique coming around in the teaching rotation before it really starts to gel for me.

Lots of reps of all of these.

Found out that said white belt partner has NEVER sparred, so it was a good excuse to stay for one roll. She was assertive and heavy on top, but I was able to handle her, and give her some pointers that she seemed very appreciative of.

Day one of one-a-day

 What you do instead of your work is your REAL work. –Roger Ebert



Thursday lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue.

Standup: opponent has both hands laced behind your neck. You lace your hands over hir elbow, chicken-wing your arm out and step to that side. This twists hir spine uncomfortably and makes it easier for you to move your hands inside and grab behind hir neck instead.

Next, we went from the chicken--wing-and-sidestep to a double-leg. Note that you must plaster yourself right against the opponent and slide down hir body, otherwise you will not be close enough. Hug just above the knees.

Opponent is turtled in front of you. Sprawl, crossface, sash grip around chest, switch far knee in, pull opponent into your back mount. Three notes: 1)don't forget to grab the wrist at the end. 2)You must make sure your shin is pressing against opponent before you start to pull hir over, and kick that baby under *as* you are pulling. If you wait till after you have hir capsized, it's too late to shove that foot under.  3)Try to dive in a diagonal direction over the shoulder instead of pulling opponent sideways. I continue to find myself subconsciously resistant to this, as I keep feeling like I am just going to slither my tiny self over hir shoulder and plop onto the mat while s/he continues to turtle there like a rock. This doesn't make logical sense, because if THAT is how it is, I am not going to be able to haul this person sideways either. I have nothing to lose and a slightly better chance of succeeding if I go on the diagonal. I found it slightly more palatable if I made a point of shoving the shoulder aggressively to the mat as I went.

King Of The Hill, sweep versus pass (any guard, choice of the "king"). I didn't do all that great, but I was overmatched by everyone (they all outranked me except for one big muscley white belt).


I'm doing it. I am going- not quite cold turkey, but- one pop per day (first thing in the morning). This is day one. I am jonesing badly, but it helps that I have no Dr Pepper left in the house (just A&W root beer, which is great, but not quite as bad of a trigger). I also took the A&W out of the fridge- it is not so tempting when it is warm, and I have no ice.

I want to do this experiment to try to figure out if it will help my crappy sleep any. Also, I am wondering if the sugar-induced glucose roller coaster is contributing to the fact that I feel exhausted all the time. This latter question involves ALSO cutting down on solid junk food. That's going to be extra-challenging. Usually when I'm trying to reduce my pop, I console myself with extra junk food, and vice versa. I don't like being at this weight. I don't like being exhausted all the time. I don't like not being able to get to sleep, and I don't like waking up every couple of hours when I *do* manage to get to sleep. I don't like getting up feeling even more exhausted than when I went to bed. I don't like the idea of going to the doc and getting on some drug to try to get some sleep.

Friday night

"To die will be an awfully big adventure."    J.M. Barrie

Friday evening BJJ in Bellevue.

Spider guard pass. Apply pressure. When opponent pushes back with hir legs, shrug/jerk hir feet off your biceps and yank them to the side. End in a slight crouch with hir near shin propped on top of your thigh.

Inside DLR pass. Grips: pants at knee on opponent's leg side, low lapel (near waist) on other side. Press in against hir thigh. When s/he pushes back, Quickly skip your outside foot close in for balance and mule-kick the trapped leg out. Then go to the side and assume KOB. Do not let go of grips.

Sprawl on turtled opponent, crossarm beside neck, spin to the side, outside knee planted, take the back.

Many speedy drill reps. I worked with a white belt woman who hung in there surprisingly well for a white belt. She was almost dead at the end.

Long, fun roll with Chrisanne. We each got one good tap. Mine was a weird mutated gi choke that I wasn't sure would work. I think hers was a keylock.

Compact pendulum sweeps

Danger arises when people think in only two mindsets, conversation or combat. When one side is trying to deny that they are in a dangerous situation and are trying to talk their way out of it, the other side has made a choice on some level to do violence and is merely looking for an opening.  –Campfire Tales From Hell


Friday evening BJJ in Bellevue. Hot enough to fry an egg on the mat.

Grab-the-ankles sweep. Carlos scootched his hips right between his opponent's feet and used his feet on the opponent's hipbones. I tend to roll up almost onto my neck and use my knees, so it's good to keep in mind that there are other options.

Pendulum sweep. Instead of pinning opponent's arm across hir chest, we just pressed the elbow in with one palm. Tonight we were also hipping out much less than I tend to do, and using the bottom leg to shove much less than I tend to do. It looked very compact and effortless when Carlos did it. Didn't seem like it should work. But of course it did.

Opponent is in your guard with tight hold on your belt, elbows tucked. Grab hir wrist (same side) and hip up violently to make a space to slide your other hand underneath to grab your own wrist. Now you can push up and beak the grip. Yank opponent's arm across hir chest and hip out. Do not stick your far leg bewteen hir knees- this time we kept that far leg on the outside while hipping out quite a lot, then pulling opponent into back mount. Don't forget to trap the wrist once you have back mount.

I really wanted to spar, but it was just too hot.

Had a good online conversation with an artistic friend- music, books, writing. It's always stimulating to talk to other creative people.

Half guard passing game

The Tueller Drill:
Sergeant Dennis Tueller, of the Salt Lake City, Utah Police Department wondered how quickly an attacker with a knife could cover 21 feet (6.4 m), so he timed volunteers as they raced to stab the target. He determined that it could be done in 1.5 seconds.


Saturday in Seattle.

You sitting, opponent standing. S/he moves to your side. You turn so that the knee nearest opponent is on the mat and your far knee up. Near palm on the mat and far arm in high warding position. Brace against opponent's collarbone and technical lift to get to feet.

Opponent sitting, you standing.  You go to hir side and wrap your FAR arm under hir legs as if to pass. S/he pushed your head to the mat. You hop your feet over hir to the other side.
From closed guard: Do a basic guard break and underhook a thigh as if to stack and pass. Then hop to the other side instead. Opponent starts to roll away from you. Get a sash grip (make sure you are UNDER hir ceilingward arm) and stick your hook in under hir hip as she tries to gain hir knees. Take the back. At this point, get a choking lapel grip.

After we had drilled this for a while, we had the backmounted person free a hook and try to crabwalk out. Attacker keeps the sash grip and rolls belly down sprawling. A choke can often be accomplished from here. if it is not happening, loosen up enough to bail opponent to trying to escape, and retake the back.

Rolls with a handful of people I had never met before. Taught an upa to a white belt. Got two straight elbow locks on a blue belt- the same elbow lock I got on Sean yesterday. That is awesome. But I need to work on remembering to stay out of top half guard on people who are good at retaining half guard and/or doing useful things from bottom half guard. That blue belt had a gnarly half guard retention, and I actually commented on it, yet still found myself sliding right back into it repeatedly. I feel so good about my top half guard passing that I tend to just go into it and proceed to pass as a routine part of my game. It usually works, but I need to take note when I draw someone who is not letting me get away with that, and try OTHER things.

"She's tough!"

Perfect is the enemy of  good.  - Voltaire


Saturday competition training in Seattle.

Lord, this comp class wipes me out. I don't know how long I am going to be able to keep doing this. Usually I have to bail on the second hour- which I went in today determined to not do- but the cardio, at my age and carrying the ten extra pounds I'm currently carrying.... UUUUUUUURGGGGGGGGGGHHH.   I was whimpering as I climbed out of the car back at the Mount Index Daunless Outpost after class. Right now my thighs ache the way they usually do the morning after. Which means tomorrow morning is going to suuuuuuuuuuuuuck. But what a great week of training!

Chrisanne hasn't had a chance to work with Georgette yet, so I told her she could have first crack at asking Georgette to drill. She's like, "Oh my God, no, I'm just a blue belt... you go ahead..." so I went to the locker room and told Georgette that Chrisanne really wanted to drill with her but was too shy to ask.   ;)   I had been hoping that Z or (short) John would be there today, but none of my favorite men were there (unless you count Lindsey and Griff, whom I can't really ask to drill unless they offer). I also didn't want to shanghai Casey, because we had already used each other to warm up before class. Now that Pat is brown, I feel a little awkward asking him to drill an entire class with me unless he offers first. This put me with Emma, a white belt that I seem to recall working with once or twice before. She had weight on me as well as enough skill to match if not dominate me.

Standup- one lapel grip that you can't let go of; try to get a takedown. I couldn't get anything on Emma, who has very superb reaps and was also trying a few other things.

Standup to pulling half guard.

We were doing some rather complex multi-step drills, and it was a struggle to get all the steps.

Opponent has spider guard. You pull back, squat, and pass your left hand UNDER the leg to grip inside of pantleg. Step to the opposite side and stand/yank upright, then crouch so that hir thigh is trapped atop yours. S/he tries to roll away, you take the back. It flows really well *IF* you shove your right knee between the floor and hir waist just as s/he rolls- the momentum seems to sorta suck you right into the gap and there you are with your hooks and choke sunk.

Opponent has Del a Riva. You turn your right knee (the one s/he has trapped) to the outside. (This same detail was in one of the techniques Carlos did with us earlier this week, so THAT step at least was easy). Then kick that same leg in the opposite direction, and pass to that side. DO NOT LET GO OF THE PANTS during any of these passes, until you are well past and the position is secure- otherwise s/he will just roll away from you.

Lots of drill reps, interspersed with about a zillion more periods of takedown sparring, and some random positional sparring. All the takedown fighting, combined with the repetitive get-up-get-down of the half guard pulls, and all the get-up-get-down of those spider guard passes, had me reeling with exhaustion. I made a very poor account of myself against Emma, which was kind of embarrassing. I really notice how tired I get when we do drills that involve a lot of having to stand back up over and over, as opposed to drills where you just stay on the ground and roll/wiggle back into place after each rep.

I had wanted to get at least one roll with Georgette, but she had to go (which was probably just as well, since I'm not sure I had the energy left to fight off a newborn kitten at that juncture).  I sat a while (mainly because I was wishing someone would come along to carry me out to the car), then noticed Lindsey sitting on the mat with his back to me. So of course I had to take it.

He stuck his head right up into my favorite gi choke, but I still couldn't finish it on him. He explained that if I can crawl my guard up a little higher on his back and/or teepee my feet up a bit, I might be able to get that little bit extra enough to finish.

It was amusing to have both Chrisanne and Georgette come up to me separately afterward and say of one another, "She's tough!"

I am considering calling out Anica for the next Revolution- not because I'm ready to compete again or because I think I can beat her, but because having a comp on my schedule seems to be the only way I can reliably discipline myself to get my weight back down to normal. If Georgette competed, we could have a three-woman purple belt bracket between 120 and 140.

This got me thinking again about my defeatism problems and my utter lack of making any progress on them. I don't know what to do. I'm considering pinging Side Control (Dave) on FB and see if he has any advice. I don't really have any reason to think he has the answers to this issue, but I'm just not feeling comfortable discussing this with any of the other black belts right now for some reason. I can't really imagine any of them dealing with persistant and serious defeatist mindsets. Dave is at least near my age and he says he has a cruddy comp record at black, so maybe he would at least be able to relate a little easier than some of these BJJ machines.

Oh yeah- osoto gari me again!

The overwhelming majority of training and drilling focuses on technique and not on applying judgement to situations, which is completely bass-ackward.  –Campfire Tales From Hell



Thursday lunchtime at Bellevue. So excited to see one of my very favorite partners: Nelson!  We did a lot of standup today, and Nelson is probably the best person in the whole GBNW to do that with. He's not much bigger than I, and he is an excellent judo practitioner, as well as a very helpful suggestion-giver.

Standing guard pull  (Nelson suggests that I pay more attention to eliminating my telegraph- ie, yanking on the grips just before I execute the guard pull.)

Single-leg takedown to KOB

Same, add spinning armbar. This particular permutation had us grabbing the belt, which is something I do not do often. Of course on my first rep, I tried to grab for the pants (hell, at least I TRIED to grab SOMETHING, for which I give myself credit, for as we know, I suffer from persistant "forget-to-keep-hold-of-the-pants-osis"). I couldn't reach, and Carlos was cracking up. "That ees why I tell you to grab thee BELT." Yes sir.

Armbar from front mount- no, wait, it only LOOKS like you're going for an armbar. Once you yank opponent up on hir side, Keep the knee that is behind the opponent lower than you otherwise would. Latch on a head-and arm (gable grip). Do not get sloppy and hasty here. It must be well-placed, tight and your hands must be fully locked. Strangely enough, it works ten times better on my stupid side. Now roll opponent to the opposite side and place the second hook. If you positioned your knee wrongly at the start, you end up trapping your own leg and not being able to get both hooks in.

A little positional sparring from front mount and from standup. Again- standup with Nelson is awesome. Of course you are not going to get anything that he doesn't LET you get, but you won't get brutalized and you experience a lot of interesting ways to fall on your ass (and your side, and your back, and your face).

Standup usually taking it out of me more than most things, I was unfortunately too tired to spar. If Nelson had stayed, I would have forced myself, but he didn't.

Went from there to Lindsey's studio to have a little green bamboo colored in. 2 hours of RIBS and a little back waistline... two of the absolute most painful areas, and color (which is more painful than linework, I don't care what people say). This was the most painful tat session I have had to date, and it still hurts like a mother this morning. The green looks incredible on my paper-pale skin, though. Lindsey also kept making comments along the line of "Vic, come and look at this badass bamboo" and "Damn, this turned out nice" which is exactly what you want to hear from your tattoo artist (especially when s/he's working on parts you can't watch).

No flowers. Really.

Cutting off blood to the brain, whether you call it a “vascular neck restraint”, or a “sleeper hold” or “jime waza” is reliable despite size, strength, psychosis or drugs.  It is also the safest way to shut down a human. –Rory Miller



Thursday lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue.

Standup drills- double-leg setups.

Next: Same thing we've been doing lately, with the sprawl-twirl to the side-take the back. I need to pay extra attention to positioning myself so as to shove in that lower hook adequately.  Finish with any choke. I always like the RNC. Simple, reliable. I also did a few bow-and-arrows. John was impressed with my bow-and-arrow for some reason... I'm not sure what was particularly impressive about it, but okay, I'll take a backpat.

Spars with rotating people. I got a kneebar on somebody today.

Straight to Lindsey's studio. Getting tattooed is surprisingly exhausting, due to the fact that you are tensing every muscle in your body for most of a two or three hour period. I don't know how some people sit for half a day. We did about 2.5 hours, that's the longest I've done (I usually draw the line at 2). It was all linework, and on the back- which is not known as one of the more painful spots, although some areas were definitely more painful than others: along the spine, the outer sides (which is technically "ribs", which I already knew was terrible), and along the very bottom edge- like tailbone level. Lindsey had suggested putting a line of flowers down there, which I vetoed, and when he was down there doing Ox Head's boots, I was really glad that we weren't putting a whole freakin' line of goddam flowers down there. In fact, I was beginning to wonder if Ox Head would look okay with just one foot.

It looks incredible so far.... you can really see my Spyderco on his belt, which tickles me no end.

I was going to try to do one 2-hour session per month or so, but several people called in cancellations while I was there and Lindsey was (rightfully) grumbling about them- so I went ahead and took a spot for tomorrow.

The tat doesn't hurt much right now- if it feels and looks all right in the morning, I might go to class before I go back to the studio. I know I'm not really supposed to, but it's just linework!      ;)

She might bake me a cake.

The key to pursuing excellence is to embrace an organic, long-term learning process, and not to live in a shell of static, safe mediocrity. The hermit crab is a colorful example of a creature that lives by this aspect of the growth process (albeit without our psychological baggage). As the crab gets bigger, it needs to find a more spacious shell. So the slow, lumbering creature goes on a quest for a new home.  If an appropriate  new shell is not found quickly, a terribly delicate moment of truth arises.  A soft creature that is used to the protection of built-in armor  must now go out into the world, exposed to predators in all its mushy vulnerability. That learning phase in between shells is where our growth can spring from. Someone stuck with an entity theory of intelligence is like an anorexic hermit crab, starving itself so that it doesn’t grow to have to find a new shell.  Josh Waitzkin, “The Art Of Learning”


136

Saturday lunchtime BJJ in Seattle.

Same thing we did on Thursday, from the butterfly guard....

Same thing we did on Thursday, sprawling on the turtle.....

Begin in side control, opponent (role-playing as a doofus who knows nothing about BJJ) rolls away from you. As hir hip comes off the floor,  shoot your leg under it, take the back.

New and incredibly fascinating detail: as you take the back, you may place your forearm on opponent's jaw and grip your own wrist with the opposite hand, then pull on that grip. This can work if you try for the choke and their chin is too far down- it requires a fulcrum point higher on the face. It's a very "Cindy" sort of move.  (hee hee). She has done this to me. I liked it, though. Once I got the targeting down, I could hit it very smooth, quick and easy. It hurts like a mofo. It seemed like a neck crank to me, although Carlos called it a "crossface" and when I called him over to ask if I would get DQ'ed for doing this in a comp, he waffled.  I said to Chrisanne, "Cindy would probably be delighted if I got myself DQ'ed in a tournament for doing something "mean". She might bake me a cake."    ;)

As per usual on Saturdays, we did many many many drill reps. As I was working with Chrisanne and we had done 2 of these before, we were whipping them out. I was getting pretty tired by the end, and only had enough gas for 2 spars- one with a blue belt I've never seen before and one with Z.
 

That's because they have been working with CINDY.

Addiction is huge in crimes…. Because it is one of the few things that we experience in the modern era that imitates survival violence. Whatever you might do for food or water on the edge of death is what an addict will do to feed his addiction.   –Rory Miller


136

Friday lunchtime BJJ in Seattle.

You are sprawled N/S on turtled opponent. Cross right arm over your chest and stick it straight down to the mat beside hir neck as you spin to that side of hir body. Grab hir wrist. Hop to place your right knee against hir, take the back, KEEP THAT WRIST GRIP. This appears to be a straightforward attempt to take the back, but if you keep that wrist grip and throw your leg over opponent's head as you fall back, it turns into an armbar.

I got this really nice and smooth after several tries.... and then OF COURSE professor walks over to look JUST as I try to do it on the stupid side and mess it all up. Why does he always time it thusly???!!!

Same thing, only opponent clasps hands to try to defend the armbar. You transition back to the backtake.

One spar with Crisanne. She is doing great- assertive, heavy pressure on top, everything really tight. She tapped me twice. I wasn't going 100%, but I was going hard enough that I was quite impressed with her work. Lindsey rolled with her next, and when I saw him at his studio afterward, he raved (unprompted by me) about how much her jiu jitsu has progressed. He specifically praised her assertiveness (again, unprompted by me). I could just pop with pride. I PM'ed her and told her about it, and told her how proud I am of her.

Dieting angst: I might have had the time and energy for at least one more spar had I not been hungry enough to start chewing the mat. I am not sure how to deal with this issue. I could carry energy bars, but I really don't want to eat those caloric things while I'm trying to lose weight. I do carry Slim-Fast's for emergencies, but if I drink one of those and then try to roll, I am pretty sure I'd puke.

After class (and lunch), I went to Lindsey's studio and we put together my backpiece, part of which is the Ox Head pic that I used on yesterday's blogpost. I took my own weapons to the studio- we are going to arm him with my own bo staff, K-bar Khukri and Spyderco folding knife. The Victorian goth angel on the other half of the piece is going to have my actual tai chi sword. Lindsey is excited about the art, which is great- it's always a good thing when your tattoo artist actually likes the piece and you know s/he's going to enjoy working on it.

Evening BJJ in Bellevue. Doug got a big grin on his face as soon as he walked in and saw me, and challenged me to a death match. I'm feeling so much love from my teammates this week. Honestly, I have just worked with so many awesome drill partners and sparring partners- people who push me, and with whom I have fun, and from whom I learn. I am gonna have to write a gooshy FB post to all three GB pods.

Almost all King Of the Hill from various positions with Prof's Doug and Sean down.   Haven't done this for a while, and after three classes in two days, this was probably the best possible thing as opposed to trying to cram yet another set of techniques. There were only about 6 of us (besides the Prof's), so we did not get much downtime.

Did I mention how fortunate I am feeling at class this week??? Six students and three black belts on the mat. Who gets these ratios???? How incredible is this?

Doug and Sean were raving after class about what good wrestlers the two unfamilar (to them) white belts were. I said (since they were familiar to ME!) "Yes, that's because they are from the Kirkland pod and they have been working with CINDY!!!!!)

Two long spars with Christy. She is also working very hard and doing extremely well. She- like Chrisanne- is very very good about listening to everything I say and incorporating it into her game. I tried to KOB and mount her several times, and she got the hell outta there before I could count 3. I'm so proud of my ladies.

Then one with Doug. Always a treat. I was doing a lot of skating around from side to side on top, very flowy.  Something I always can use practice on.

It's a purple belt world.

Standing up to a person only draws a line around your territory. Defending it is what keeps you safe.  –Marc MacYoung



Sunday: 134.2

I know intellectually that pop bloats you, but it is truly astounding to what extent decreasing (not eliminating, just decreasing) the amount of pop for just two days has deflated the appearance of my protruding Buddha-belly. I swear, dieting would be so much easier if I was more vain about my appearance.

But here's something that actually MIGHT inspire me: concealing my pistol in its belly-holster may be easier if my belly is flatter. Yeah, that's it.

Also, when I lose weight, my boobs get smaller. Lord knows, life is better on the martial arts mat with every cup size lower.

Unfortunately, past history has proven that for me- unlike most people- eliminating pop altogether does not result in immediate weight loss.

Monday: 135.6
Tues: 135.6

Eggs- it's what's for dinner. And lunch. Tonight my assistant informed me that if I didn't lay off the carrots, I was going to turn orange. I informed her that I was okay with that, as long as I am FIT and orange.

Thurs: 136

I've been really really good all week with food. Less food and wiser choices. Slightly less successful with pop, but I did cut down.

Leslie, Casey and Cindy are all injured and off the mat. I'm feeling grateful and privileged at the moment that I'm not on the bench, because I know well how that feels.

Thurs lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue.

(blue belt) Jay, looking up and down the line: "We're the only two blue belts??!"
(blue belt) Nick:  "Guess so."
They look left at the three or four white belts, then they look right at the eight or ten purple belts.  Jay mutters something about "...........purple belts....."
Kitsune: "It's a purple belt world, Jay."
Jay: "So they tell me, Kitsune.... so they tell me."

Standup drills- double legs, single legs, sprawl on opponent's failed double-leg and then spin around to the side and take the back. Carlos suggested pulling the guy into your lap instead of jumping on hir back.

Opponent kneeling, you in butterfly guard. Cross-grip the arm and yank hir to all fours. Sink one leg into a deep half guard position, then take hir back either by climbing aboard or pulling hir into your lap. I do not feel comfortable with this technique on someone bigger than me (which means 99.9% of people). Once I have that leg sunk in there, all s/he has to do is sink down on it, and I am pinned on the bottom. If s/he's going to be mean, s/he can just keel over and capsize on top of me and crush me like a cockroach. I am in a position with a very limited set of options, and have no mobility to get elsewhere.  Even John was like, "I guess this isn't really workable for your body," after we messed with it for a while. I won't say of a technique, "I _CAN'T_ do X with my body" because every time I try to go there, Cindy (who is as small as I) does it with no problem. So I won't write it off.... but for my present level, this doesn't seem like a good one.

Positional sparring from the above position. I sucked from heep half, but I am pretty good at escaping back mount- even after explaining to John exactly what he needed to do to stop me.
A couple of spars.

Thurs evening BJJ in Kirkland. I haven't been to Kirkland in ages, and I miss Dave. I miss Cindy too, but Mondays and Wednesdays are not good for training, with my present work schedule- I haven't seen her in a couple of months.  :(

Warmups at Kirkland are longer and more tiring than they usually are at Bellevue.  It's a good thing  (pant, puff).

Pummeling.  I suggested to white belt that he not bend at the waist, but bend his knees if he finds me too short to comfortably pummel with. He did not straighten up. Okay, fine, buddy, take it or leave it. I don't care. I'm going to guillotine the snot out of you if you do that while we're sparring.

Flow drill: You on your back, partner standing, your feet on hir hips. S/he grabs your legs and tosses them to one side, steps to your hip. You shrimp out, cross far leg over top and replace guard.

Guillotines from standing; operating from failed double-leg.

Keylocks from mount. Dave suggests that if we're having trouble getting opponent's arms off hir chest, to first press the elbow down and then lever the wrist to the side.

Same entry, then opponent tries to roll away from your keylock. Transition to S mount, do not change grips. Clasp hir arm to your chest and straighten your back. Transition to armbar. You still do not need to change grips. Found myself wanting to, but tried to resist urge.

Same entry, now try to bow and arrow hir instead of armbar. Variation: windshield-wipe your shin against hir back and sit, pulling hir into your lap. Kick that leg out and place it over hir arm.

Also note: it is helpful to take up any slack in that pantleg before securing the grip near the knee.

A few spars.

Really tired. This two-classes-per-day thing is not easy. I am going to try to do it again tomorrow.

Thank you for showing up.

Absence is the most efficient survival strategy. –Rory Miller



Thursday lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue.

Taking nearly a month off class does not appear to have had any effect on my injured elbow. It was a bit worse after the tournament. I'm frustrated with it, but I guess it's time to just suck it up and keep going, working around it as best as possible.

Drilled with a new woman- Christy. She's already got some really good basics. She informed me that she had "HEARD of me". Geez. Cindy was present today, and immediately proceeded to tell Christy all about how I like to neck-crank little kids.

Butterfly guard. You grab opponent's ankles. Place left foot in hir rt hip. Turn on your right hip and pull hir left leg crossways across your lap. Your right knee should be under this leg. Curl up and scoot in terribly close, low, as if you are trying to crawl right up hir butt. Do not let go of the ankle. Once you are tucked right up in there, you can let go of the ankle and grab the back of hir belt. Technical lift to get your leg in position to take the back.

You standing, opponent on hir back with feet up. You swipe hir left foot to the side and step your right foot to hir left hip. Hike up on one leg and paste your bent left leg against hir left leg, right under the knee. Fall onto your right hip. Pinch knees together, opponent's leg between them. Grab the pantleg. Tripod up, in a sort of KOB position, only you are KOT (knee on thigh). Keep the shin, and pressure down on the thigh to keep them there. Grab the near lapel. When s/he pushes back, pull the leg, turn your hip and go to side control.

I was at first grabbing the far lapel, as I generally like to do, and Prof. Carlos came over to correct me.

Kitsune: "Why don't I want to hold the far lapel?"
Carlos: "You want to try eet on me?"
Kitsune: "NO."

Christy was kind enough to rescue me at that point by setting up an armbar to demo why you don't want to hold that lapel, and I'm sure she did it much gentler than Carlos would have. I thanked her humbly.

Christy had a brace on her ankle, so I was being extra careful, but Carlos still came over to warn me to fall on my HIP and not my back, so as not to injure her. He even started to suggest that I switch to the other side, but she demurred. Now, I'm very happy that he is diligent about looking out for everyone's safety, especially the women. But it irritates me and hurts my feelings when he acts like he thinks I'm going to injure people by being careless. I know Cindy's just giving me crap when she does this- she knows that I'm very careful and I am extremely safe for anyone to work with. I can't help thinking that that *ONE* time that I accidentally extended Kelly's elbow a bit too much and she yelped during drills has burned into his mind that I'm unsafe. That was a very, very, VERY isolated incident in a long history of safe martial arts partnering, and she was *FINE*.  I wish we could put that in the past. I don't like feeling that Carlos regards me as an unsafe partner.

Several rounds of positional sparring from butterfly guard. Then one round with Christy and one with Nelson. Nice to see him again. He has cracked his floating ribs. He actually went to the doctor, so you know it hurts pretty damn bad.

When we lined up to bow out, Carlos thanked a number of people for a number of different things, and then added, "Thank you Keetsune, for showing up."  Blush.

Brotherhood Of the Banned

The primary skill, rarely practiced or taught, in defense weapons is getting the weapon into play in the first place. Drawing under close assault. –Rory Miller



Lunchtime BJJ at Bellevue.

You are seated, opponent standing before you grabbing your pants at the inside of one knee. Cross grab hir arm, use it to pull yourself up and around (Your inside foot remains planted between hir feet, your outside knee bends as you life yourself) and rear clench.

Opponent tries to butterfly sweep you. You post on your outside hand, slide your OTHER SIDE knee between hir legs, then launch backwards into side control (or the back, if s/he fails to roll back, which is difficult for hir due to you trapping hir leg).

Standing pass of DLR guard.

Multiple short spars with the same person (John).

Later............

An hour and a half rolling with Kelly, first gi and then no-gi. We started from standup each time- and she took me down with the same wrestling takedown every time; I was unable to either defend or land in a decent position. Needs more work. I stopped trying to hang onto her neck after I once got a really disquieting set of cracking sounds as I went down on my ass. (Wide-eyed: "Are you okay?!!!??" "Yeah." "If you had closed your eyes and dropped to the mat, I would have had a fuckin' heart attack.")  I tapped her twice, she tapped me about ten times. I won't say it wasn't frustrating- especially the amount of time I spent trapped on the bottom- but she is really good practice for me.
------------------------------
Georgette feels that women have the right to know that they are learning self defense from an accused rapist, and that they have an accused rapist between their legs in jiu jitsu class. The following Facebook page has been created for the purpose of

1)whining that poor sweet Mat Maldonado is being "stalked" and "harrassed" online, and

2)posting photos of Georgette, her work address, her salary, and pleas for people to call her employer.

Um, yeah.

https://www.facebook.com/justice4matt

Please visit the page and share your feelings.

A bunch of us have already reported the page to Facebook for harassing Georgette, but please add your complaint to the list.

He is still swaggering about saying that he did nothing wrong... my hope is that the next time he has the opportunity to do what he did, he will think about all this "unjust harassment" that resulted, and decide that it just isn't worth it.

I am proud to report that two of my awesome teammates- Griff and Casey- as well as myself and a whole bunch of other people have been banned from posting on the page and had all of our comments censored. Please join our Brotherhood Of the Banned.   :)

Next stop: Vanquishville

Writing advice:

If you try to edit the passionate to make it more clear, you will ruin it.

If you try to edit the clarity to make it more passionate, you will ruin it.

Run with the type of good that you have. 

 –Rory Miller



129

That gal who murdered me at the comp last weekend got her purple belt this week.  I should have her to fight in gi for future Revolutions, I hope.

I registered for Proving Grounds II for just no-gi.

Monday lunchtime BJJ in Kirkland.

KOTH from various positions. 

Then Cindy and I drilled no-gi standup: one hook behind the head, other bicep grip of some stripe. Then duck under on the bicep side (keep very close to opponent, head up) and hug from the back. Gable grip. Place feet behind opponent's feet, toes out. Situate center of gravity ABOVE opponent's COG. Then sit, with opponent in your lap. (If you fail to place your center of gravity above hirs before you do this, you will pull hir down right on your belly.) Hooks in. Choke.

A little sparring with Cindy and Dave.

The Defeatist Beast was hanging hard on my back today. I couldn't seem to do anything right, and I wish I could say that I even gave a shit enough to be frustrated. In the land beyond Frustrated lies the blighted kingdom of "Why Bother? I can't do this. Fuck it."  I hate finding myself here, but it seems to be a regular stop on the tour. There doesn't seem to be anything to do but put one's head down and push through it.

Lessons from no-gi

Most people live at a comfortable distance from their bodies. As humans, we spend so much time inside our heads that we often forget the way out. -Daniele Bolelli, On The Warrior’s Path



It was gratifying to learn that Ben and even Carlos are sore today as well. I had to tape all eight fingers tonight. I am so sore, and so tired... but I can't blow off lunchtime class tomorrow, because I've been cyberstalking Angela all week bugging her to come in. I need to not only show up, but make it worth her while. Ahhh- I'm exhausted just thinking about it!!!

Lessons learned in no-gi tonight:

1)If you think you might have to fight everyone in the room, DON'T leave all the biggest, scariest guys for last.

1b)Don't leave the professor for DEAD last, when you're wrung out and can't make a decent account of yourself.

2)My standard spar opening of pouncing on the opponent, applying top half guard, and then passing works great on most people, but NOT on black belts. I have learned to not stick my right arm between Cindy's neck and left shoulder, because she promptly armbars it every single time. Tonight Carlos did the exact same thing. I usually stick that arm in there and then work for position. I wonder if it would work if only I operated faster and more forcefully. IE, give them something more immediately pressing to deal with before they can slap the armbar on, and/or get my shoulder socketed in there posthaste. A "meathook" behind the neck instead of placing my forearm there might be a better option as well.

3)Kelly passes my guard repeatedly with that same "seatbelt" pass that JB likes. I need to stop letting her set that up, because once she has it set up, I can't seem to stop her from completing it.

4)I tend to be hesitant about putting hooks in while perched on the backs of huge turtling guys. They simply use an elbow to pin one of my feet to their ribs and then capsize sideways, trapping me underneath. If I do choose to commit to hooks, I need to commit to a fast, hard, technically perfect chokehold at the same time. No applying hooks and then working for position.

5)I think I am spending too much time working for position- full stop. I should try less futzing around and more FINISHING. Even when I think I'm getting a head start by pouncing and applying a position, I am *still* kinda waiting around to see how they respond, and then I'm on the reactive end of the equation yet again.

6)You can't grit your teeth and wait out one of Carlos' subs. He won't give up, because he *KNOWS* he has it on right.

My belt was sopping by the end of class tonight. People who don't launder their belts..... eeeeww.