The fabric training dummy wants me

If anyone strikes my heart, it does not break, but it bursts, and the flame coming out of it becomes a torch on my path. Hazrat Inayat Khan


Thursday: 133.5

Lunchtime BJJ at Gracie Bellevue.

Prof Carlos tried to set me up with the fabric dummy today (who for some reason lives in the women's locker room). "He ees seengle. Good leestener." I asked if the dummy could cook, and Carlos admitted that that was a shortcoming- but that the dummy doesn't eat, either.

Butterfly guard on kneeling opponent. Opponent is lying on you and hugging your thighs under hir armpits. You push your cross-forearm under hir jaw, and grab the shoulder, bridge hips abruptly to get a little room. Then sit up and wrap that same arm buddy-style around the opponent, grab hir belt. (apparently you can't lift your shoulders off the mat during this portion unless you're going to KEEP them off; it seems the opponent gets points if you sit up and then lie back down again). Hip out to the side a tad, butterfly sweep. (Me having trouble with left and right again- which way to sweep? I had to stop and compute which of the opponent's arms was more logical to trap, and then sweep hir that way.)

Same entry, except opponent steps a foot up before you can sweep. Slide under hir leg and hold it as if hir knee was a telephone. X-guard with your legs. Prof asked us to play with that for 5 min and try to figure out a sweep. I took the back, but that's not a sweep. After 5 min, he showed us some options, including the take-the-back that had been my idea- so I didn't feel so dumb after all. I still had trouble with the sweep- but hey, it's a sweep, and that is my biggest weakness. I'd like to experiment with X guard more. God knows I'm on the bottom often enough... I need to start looking for opportunities to sink that in and then see if I can do anything from there. I don't think it will work for me as well as for taller people, though- because I can't stretch people out. I will have to rely on speed and surprise to offbalance them. So when I'm experimenting, I'll have to experiment QUICKLY.

One roll with a three stripe blue guy- he was not huge, but he was using strength and he ravaged me- it was all I could do to keep from getting subbed, and there were a number of very close calls (including a couple that I prolly should have tapped to, but I resisted because I was getting irritated with him). I couldn't do anything to him. A bit discouraging, after I'd been having kind of a good week. Oh well, you're up, then you're down again, that's the name of the game. I felt a little vindicated when Carlos rolled with him next and ravaged him as casually as the guy had ravaged me. I was too exhausted by then to do any more, which was a shame, since Glenn and Nelson were there (two of my favorite training partners).

I'm going to drop circus school from four nights a month to (probably) two, because I think that's the only way I'm ever going to see Cindy again. My work schedule means that there is only one Sat, one Fri and one Weds in every 2-week period that are feasable to get to Sleeper. The last few Fridays and Saturdays, after I did Gracie lunchtime class, I found myself just too darn exhausted to do anything those evenings. Acrobalance is on Wednesday, but I want to clear a Wednesday evening and try to get in to Sleeper's again.

It has been six months since I lost my Kung Fu teacher and group. It's not getting any easier. Just last night I was having one of those really low depressive episodes. I had a screaming fit in the car because I can't get my brain off those negative hamster-wheels of futile thought processes. My own mind is the enemy- it just will not go where I want it to go and stay out of the dark dank places. However, this afternoon, my training feels.... pregnant. Like something is about to change. I could really use a positive shift of some sort.