Dead elephants

Look at the…. victim’s body language (There’s something wrong here,” she thinks, “but if I just don’t make eye contact or antagonize him, it will be all right.”) which was exactly what the threat was looking for.   –Rory Miller



Weds/Thurs: Slept very, very badly. Woke up at least half a dozen times, and started a new nightmare every time. Most of which featured Autumn '11. I was looking forward to Autumn '14 as a reasonable benchmark for being fucking OVER Autumn '11. I guess not. I'd like to strangle the idiot who said, "Time heals all wounds". Fuck you, you saccharine patronizing simplistic optimist.

Almost as bad as the nightmares themselves is the pervading feeling- over the following several days after having just one- that I am wearing an overcoat sewn out of dead elephants. Exhausted, depressed, aching.  I just want this shit gone. It makes alcoholism look like an attractive solution.

I also had another nightmare about someone breaking into the house, me shooting them, and the gun failing to fire. The peculiar part of this is that I feel really comfortable with the gun and my handling of same. Even in the dream, I was calm and collected and did everything right. My brain is taking my insecurities over my UNARMED defense techniques and transmogrifying them onto the only part of my skill set that I do feel okay about. It's a fascinating example of self-sabotage.

Lunchtime BJJ in Bellevue. Considering how poorly I had slept, I decided to skip evening class. I might have been able to handle the class, but I was worried about being fully conscious behind the wheel for the drive home afterward. Also- it quickly became plain that the traffic and parties for the Seahawks home opener were getting well underway by 2pm, so anyone with a shred of sense would be advised to flee as far from Seattle as possible.

Drill day. Start with partner in turtle while you press your chest to the patch on hir back and scoot from one side of hir to the other. Just to make it more challenging, put your hands behind your back. No knees on the floor. Looks simple enough, but two minutes of this feels like twenty.

Add a block of the arm to the beginning of this, and a gable-grip hug (sash style, over the shoulder closest to you) at the end.

Now add switching the leg and taking the back.

After this, we had several short rounds of drilling whatever we wanted. I tried to pick mostly things I suck at: sweeps, armbars from guard. Partner did the following:

From closed guard, cross grab opponent's wrist. Put your free hand under hir elbow (same side) and grab your own wrist in a kimura grip. Hip out. Now there is a plethora of subs you can do from here.

I found this very interesting, so I used it for the rest of my drill sessions, substituting an array of subs (including a few partner had not thought of).  Of course the arm spaghetti- getting the correct grips on the correct arms with the correct hands- was my challenge here. Also, partner notes that the hip out is the key.

One spar with Justin. Fun and competitive. We each won a good tap.