Oops, I did it AGAIN

Risk assessment is probably the most valuable skill in communicating with the altered mental state. A mentally ill person may or may not be more dangerous than anyone else. But they may be more dangerous and they are certainly less predictable.  –Rory Miller


OMG, I am so sore.

Even though I was tired after lunchtime class, I went to Bellevue to evening class because Chrisanne and Lindsay were going to be there. Horribly, I ended up rejecting poor Lindsay AGAIN for drilling. I apologized a million times.... I am just so paranoid about keeping Chrisanne away from the spazzy assholes, and Lindsey has much better skills at this point for protecting herself against spazzy assholes. I suggested that the two of them drill together and I would find someone else, but Lindsay ended up drilling with Peter (who is not spazzy asshole, BTW).

I should note that that tall white belt guy I sparred with on Thursday turned out to be on Chrisanne's "Spazzy Asshole" list. I didn't have that bad of a time with him, but I had played spider guard to keep him off my ribs. When I gave him the pre-spar "don't kill me, I'm old" speil, he was like, "But you're a PURPLE belt." Me: "I still do not have enough skills at this point to counteract strong young guys who are much bigger, so BE CAREFUL." Turns out that when Chrisanne gave him her speil, he did the same to her: "But you're a blue belt" and then went on to smash her. She won't roll with him any more. I was glad to hear that she was both giving the speech and and keeping a Red List... both things that I had to talk to her a LOT about over the last two years. I am relieved that she is being assertive about boundaries. I still worry constantly about who she is rolling with and whether she is safe.

Drills..... standup, judo grip to failed single leg to rear clinch; judo grip to single leg setup. Note that this particular one involved pinching opponent's leg between one's knees.

Standing guard pass to a squat at opponent's hip, pressing far knee to the floor and trapping near leg atop your own thigh. This was similar to what we did last week- and also similarly, it was all about having that thigh well pinned, ABOVE the knee. We then did a variation on this, starting with a spider guard and ending with a lapel grip. In this case, it was necessary to consciously shoot that arm OVER the THIGH and then pin that thigh there with the elbow. As soon as you start getting tired and sloppy with these drills, the first thing to go is the most important thing- pinning that thigh.

Drills with enough speed and repetition that I truly thought I was going to lose my dinner.

At the end, I felt like a crushed pop can, but I had driven all the way in here to be able to play with Chrisanne and Lindsay. I also rolled with Casey a bit. Tonight I did not allow myself to lie under bottom half guard with Lindsay... forced myself to keep moving and try different things. Unfortunately this ended with me tapping to a mounted triangle. But I really do need to not lie there in bottom half guard.

I was reflecting on the road today (lots of commuting time) that my focus on self-defensive martial arts is probably a large reason why I am so reluctant to work outside my safety zone. In sport martial arts, if you take a risk and lose, you lose a medal. In defensive MA, if you take a risk and lose, you're DEAD.  Rory Miller talks a lot about how people freeze up and do other unhelpful things that they have learned to respond with, simply for the reason that doing so has not killed them yet.  I need to continue to force myself to- at the very least- not lie there on the bottom.

My sparring performance was not up to this afternoon's performance, which I had expected (exhaustion combined with the persistant phenomenon of every single bout of "Hey, I was decent" to be immediately followed by a bout of "I suck" just to keep me humble). However, I was pleased that I kept sparring for that long after doing a class that almost made me puke. Right up until....

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I did it AGAIN.... I rolled my goddam left ankle out. And I did it the exact same way I did it the last two times this happened: by trying to do a standing guard pass to the left when I was really tired, and I put my foot down and rolled it outward. Lord, it hurt. I collapsed on the mat, and Lindsay got me some ice. After about 5 min I was able to get up, and am now walking with only a tiny limp- but we'll see what it's like in the morning. I am really frustrated that I keep doing this, but at least it was on the last class before my work rotation starts. If this had happened Thurs lunchtime, I would have been SUPER pissed. As it is, hopefully I will be reasonably sound by next class on Thursday. I do need to really set a mental flag on that play, though: when I go to do a standing guard pass on the left when I'm tired, I need to pay really close attention to how I set my foot on the floor as well as how I transfer weight onto that foot. I am really tired of this particular recurring injury.